Hey typical Penn State college student. I’m your friendly drug dealer, hanging out around your local McLanahan’s. I’m here to tell you why meth (also known as crystal meth, crystal, cris, chrissy, christina, tina, glass, ice, cream, ice cream, cream candy, candy, chalk, speed, junk, and least commonly Methamphetamine) is the best drug in the world. You should be smoking it right now actually. Meth was created by scientists in 1919. Really smart scientists that wanted to create a drug that would solve all of the problems of the 1910’s like Chinese people and Satan. In 1943 it turned out it had a real use and, along with its brother amphetamine, was used to treat a range of disorders like: obesity, alcoholism, depression and what we now call ADHD. That means your grandparents and maybe even your parents used this drug all the time, and they turned out perfectly fine.
Don’t be a hog grandma!
In 1971 Congress classified both amphetamine and methamphetamine as Schedule II drugs, for pretty much no reason. This increased the black market demand for meth and production increased dramatically.
Source
Amphetamine is still prescribed by doctors today to treat ADHD as Adderall or Ritalin, so if doctors say that’s safe Methamphetamine is practically the same thing. Meth alone has a ton of bonus properties you won’t find in many other drugs. Its use triggers an immediate cascade of dopamine in the brain, similar to cocaine. Also similar to cocaine, with meth you’ll feel alert, confident and less tired and hungry. Not similar to cocaine, it’s cheap! Or you can even make it yourself! Isn’t that great! It’s the perfect drug for college students if you’re nervous for that big test or important interview.
Meth is used by 24.7 million happy customers all over the world! The US government themselves have reported in 2008 that approximately 12 million people over the age of 12 have used meth at least once in their lives and 700,000 people are using meth right now, that’s awesome! The hype train is really just getting started so you can jump on now and not miss out like some people you might know. I’m almost certain somebody you know already does meth so just ask around, it couldn’t hurt. In very rare cases complications can come up like neurologic and psychiatric disorders. Those never happen though, why would so many people use it if it was actually bad for you?
Just another happy customer
Still confused why this drug is amazing? Just watch this video. But only watch the first minute, the rest is propaganda.
Remember, only watch the first minute
Disclaimer: I do not actually think anybody should be taking meth and wrote this in a way to educate people a little about it in a sarcastic and hopefully entertaining way. If I get any more comments saying that I should say meth is so great because it’s so bad those people missed the point of this and/or just didn’t read it.
(Reference: http://www.drugpolicy.org/drug-facts/methamphetamine-facts)
This article was humorous but I can see why people would be offended by it. There was really no concrete information about the usage or effects of the drug, which is what I would like to know more about. I also expected a contradicting argument to make fun of the positive side of meth. However, I researched the effects on my own and found extremely depressing results. As funny as this post is, it does not even begin to explain the horrors that this drug is capable of. If you’re appalled by the humor of this post, maybe you’d like to see something a little more realistic. It’s quite shocking: http://www.drugfreeworld.org/drugfacts/crystalmeth/the-deadly-effects-of-meth.html
I thoroughly appreciated your sarcasm, however you truly never know about people these days. I understand the above comments because I know how people are these days. However, meth is a really dangerous drug. I struggled with an addict in my extended family, she died when she was young from an overdose after being in rehab twice. Drugs are not easy to free yourself from, especially when you have stress in your life. Thanks for the laugh though!
Jason, I really liked the sarcastic way you portrayed this article. Grabbed my attention from the get go. If you have read this article and thought to yourself, “hm this sounds logical I am gonna go smoke myself some meth” clearly something doesn’t add up. You clearly showed that the article that you were pulling this information from was biased. Obviously Meth has a million negative side effects such as suppressed hunger, tooth decay, and the general loss of senses. Meth can come in many different shapes or forms so yes, I can see how the statistic “700,000 people are on meth right” could be true. I was interested in the specific part of your blog in which you said that meth could be used to treat ADHD in the form of adderall. Adderall has been claimed by many as the “most abused prescription drug.” It is certain that doctors are over prescribing the medication. In my opinion, based on friends who have done this, you can walk into a doctors office, tell them you can’t focus in school and they immediately prescribe you the drug. I think that the drug should be much harder to obtain from than that, but there is no doubt that college kids will find it no matter what. According to HuffPost Healthy Living, “20-30% of college student regularly abuse adderall.” Heck, probably half of the students in the class are taking adderall to try to pull off the A for this grueling blog period.
Sources:
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/meth/body/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-ronald-ricker-and-dr-venus-nicolino/adderall-the-most-abused_b_619549.html
So you’re saying I shouldn’t have made a post like this because people will believe it and start smoking meth? Seriously?
I made this post with the assumption that people in this class were smart enough to realize that nobody in their right mind would post something like this to seriously convince people to smoke meth.
And if you think I really and seriously was trying to do that, you must not have actually read the article. I though the line “why would so many people use it if it was actually bad for you?” made it crystal clear by then that this article was actually skewed against the drug.
I am sorry to say but I do not believe this post was appropriate; you haven’t really educated us or given supporting evidence to really prove why meth would even be worth taking .You claim that it makes you feel happy, alert, as well I know meth gives a sense of euphoria. However, I’m sure you know that meth is very addicting and will have drastic consequences. Although you display some sarcasm within your post, however I feel many will take it too seriously. In my opinion, encouraging or supporting people to try meth is a bad idea all in itself. I have an article here that shows terrible effects of meth. To mention a few; it may cause damage to cognitive abilities, abuse of this drug can “lead to psychotic behavior, including paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, hallucinations, and even death.” On this link there are also pictures showing the physical changes it has on your body such as your skin, teeth, etc. I think the negative effects show that even trying meth is not worth it, especially if there is a possibility it can result in death!
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/meth/body/
I am sorry to say but I do not believe this post was appropriate; you haven’t really educated us or given supporting evidence to really prove why meth would even be worth taking .You claim that it makes you feel happy, alert, as well I know meth gives a sense of euphoria. However, I’m sure you know that meth is very addicting and will have drastic consequences. Although you display some sarcasm within your post, however I feel many will take it too seriously. In my opinion, encouraging or supporting people to try meth is a bad idea all in itself. I have an article here that shows terrible effects of meth. To mention a few; it may cause damage to cognitive abilities, abuse of this drug can “lead to psychotic behavior, including paranoia, insomnia, anxiety, hallucinations, and even death.” On this link there are also pictures showing the physical changes it has on your body such as your skin, teeth, etc. I think the negative effects show that even trying meth is not worth it, especially if there is a possibility it can result in death!
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/meth/body/
Very interesting article you wrote here. I found your sarcasm to be executed well although I’m sure others would not have caught on to that. It was almost misleading in the beginning before I understood where you were going with this post. It reminded me of this video I watched on YouTube a few weeks ago about a woman giving a make-up tutorial and then at the end it turns out to be a domestic violence awareness video.
Your comment worries me because I wonder how many people might actually take this seriously. Didn’t think I had to do this but
DISCLAIMER: I do not actually think anybody should be taking meth and wrote this in a way to educate people about it in a sarcastic and hopefully entertaining way.
I was very interested in this article for many reasons. First, because of the grabbing headline. We all know meth to be a terrible drug, so who would even try and research information to prove that it is, in fact, a miracle drug? I respect the article, but I’m going to rebut your argument. First, meth is a highly, highly addictive drug. Once you start, the chemical release of dopamine makes it incredibly hard to stop. Also, after repeated use, the chemical actually reconfigures the brain’s pleasure stimulants, making it impossible for a person to experience pleasure without taking meth.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/meth/body/