I don’t know how many times in my life I have heard the word “Only children are brats.” In fact, I have probably said it myself. After heading to college, this has hit me in a different way. I have an older brother, and with us being at separate colleges about 4 hours away from each other, I really miss him, but I’m also really glad that I grew up with a sibling. I think I would be a much different person if I grew up as an only child. However, this is an anecdote from my own life. So, I asked the question: Does only really mean lonely?
According to a study done by the University of Memphis, being only and lonely can correlate sometimes. This study took 139 school-aged children, and studied kids who were the older of two siblings, the younger of two siblings, and only children. This study found that only children seemed to have as many friends as the kids with siblings, and that the friendships were just as good for the only children as the children with siblings. However, the only children were also the most likely to be the bullies or the victims. Therefore, this study suggested that having a sibling around helped children understand and deal with conflict.
Considering the hypothesis of this study stated that children with siblings would be more likely to be social, the null hypothesis was not completely rejected. Just like the study of prayer and a patient’s health that we learned about in class, the scientists were right about some parts of the null hypothesis, but wrong about others. This study helps show that the experiment must be reviewed from all angels in order to draw a fair conclusion.
Another study published by the Journal of Family Issues observed only children in adulthood. This study also started with the hypothesis that only children were less social, even in adulthood. This study found that an only children’s sociability seems to improve with age. Thus, the older one gets the less likely it is to matter that they are only children and they are able to interact in the world without much of a problem. Something that surprised me with this study is that only children participate in less social activities with their relatives than those who grew up with siblings. I would have assumed it was the other way around since only children generally have more attention from their parents than children with siblings, but this study found that this relationship doesn’t always carry into adulthood.
This study ended up denying the null hypothesis, since those who were only children ended up being able to be just as sociable as those who grew up with siblings, once they reach a certain age. However, this study also mentioned that only 3% of adults in America think that one child is enough for a family. Perhaps it is not so much a matter of science as it is of American culture, and parents and children feeling complete in their society.
Some parents who argue that one kid is enough often cite Granville Stanley Hall’s study “Of Peculiar and Exceptional Children”. This study was done in the late 19th century, and many of the tactics used to research the study have long since been dismissed. In this study, Hall calls only-childhood “a disease in itself.” These harsh words have apparently stuck in the minds of the American people, and only child syndrome has been a fear of parents ever since.
However, this multiple children stereotype may be beginning to change. According to Time Magazine, 1 in 5 American families have only one child. And, even more staggering, the cost of a child is $286,050… before college.
I have never heard that only children are lonely. However, I have heard that only children are much more confident. I am the middle child out of my parent’s three kids and growing up I had to be the older and the younger sibling. I would boss around my little brother and tell him what to but I would have to shut my mouth and listen whenever my older sister decided to speak. This dynamic led to some confusion about who I was as a person and where I fit into society. But because only children don’t have this dynamic, they come into their own much quicker. They have no older siblings to look up to and follow and they have no younger siblings to be responsible for. Therefore, only children tend to be more confident in who they are as a person because there is no one there telling them or showing them that they have to be something else.
I was really interested in reading this post. I have a younger sister who is a freshman in high school, and i’m definitely grateful to have had her by my side. As for kids without siblings, I think that it is a possibility that personality types could have an effect on whether they are lonely at home or not. For example, if you have an introverted only child, they could hang out with friends during the day at school and feel completely satisfied, reaching their maximum stimulation for the day. Then they could go home and be alone and feel calm and relaxed, as most introverts need some alone time. I have a cousin who is in 8th grade and is an only child, and he is the complete opposite. He is an extreme extrovert with a surplus of energy. I remember when he was younger he would always ask my aunt “for christmas can you please give me a brother or sister” and it honestly still breaks my heart to think about. After he got home from school, he was very lonely and wanted someone to be with. I really do think that how you feel about being an only child would depend on how you were raised and your personality type.
Reading your blog at the beginning I totally understood how you are feeling. My brother is 4 years older then me so while I was in High School he was 7 hours away and now that I’m in college he works in New York City so I never get to see him. I wouldn’t know what I would do if I had to be the only child I think it would be a little lonely to be honest. And when he was college I always felt a little lonely when he was gone. But I think I only felt lonely because I was always use to having him around. Its like people always say ” you don’t truly know what your missing if you never had it or experienced it.” That saying works perfectly in this situation because I do understand why a lot of kids who are only children aren’t shy or lonely. Because they have always been the only children that is what they are accustom to. So I wouldn’t expect only children to be socially awkward or not comfortable talking because they didn’t have a sibling to talk to all the time. I really enjoyed reading your blog because it makes a lot of sense the things that you are saying, I think that a lot of people feel that i you have a only child they will be different then those that have siblings but that honestly isn’t true at all.