Throughout high school, my friends and I seemed to always blame the fact that “chivalry is dead” on our generation. Specifically, we’d acknowledge the presence of smartphones contributing to how “romance” in the 21st century was essentially depleted. I can remember my friends obsessing over their contact with boys on apps like Instagram and Snapchat, picking apart and analyzing a like on a photo or an unreciprocated snap. I can also remember my mom being puzzled by the nature of relationships in my generation. She told me how in her day, if you liked someone, you called them, you set up a date, and it was as simple as that.
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Now I’m not complaining, modern technology has given me the luxury as a student to have a vast amount of available knowledge at the tips of my fingers. I don’t have to go to the library and dig through an encyclopedia to find out when Abraham Lincoln became president, I can type it into google and get the answer in a matter of seconds. I am able to connect with friends in different parts of the country in the same amount of time, I can even video chat with my family when I am homesick with about as much effort as it takes me to blink. But, with all of this amazing technology of the modern world, it is inevitable that there will be negative effects on our society as well.
I recently read an article on the TIME Magazine website by Mandy Oaklander that analyzed the effects of smartphones on modern day relationships of college students. The study performed focused on the “dependency” people within these relationships had on their phones. The negative impacts smartphones had on these relationships were abundantly clear. Feelings of mistrust and uneasiness were blatant within relationships where one or both partners relied heavily on their devices. Many of the partners within the relationships studied felt as if their boyfriend or girlfriend focused more on their smartphones than they did on their relationships. The study reported that some partners even felt “jealous” of their loved one’s relationship and reliance on their devices. And although smartphones have improved much of everyday life to people around the world, researchers believe that there are more unforeseen negative psychological impacts as a result of their growing prevalence in society. The article reports that the growing obsession with smartphone usage worldwide is currently being studied to see possible effects it could have on self image and education.
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The study I read about in TIME Magazine made me consider the nature of the research done on the effects of smartphones on millennial relationships. The research could very well be a source of direct causation, more smartphone use equates to more distance, less time, and heavy mistrust between you and your partner. But, could it also be a case of reverse causation? Could unhealthy relationships simply lead to more dependence on smartphones as a sort of “escape route”? Or could there be the presence of a third variable, such as the fact that our values and the nature of relationships have changed as we have modernized and grown as a society. After all, the divorce rates as of 2008 have reached 40% (source), so are smartphones really to blame? Or could they be a contributing factor that aids in this particular statistic growing each day?
No matter what the correlation behind smartphones and failing relationships is, we must learn as a society to adapt and learn to balance the devices in our changing world and the relationships that we must sustain to lead a happy and social life.
I will say that smartphones has definitely altered the way we as a society communicate with one another as well as the accessibility of information. It is sad to think that they cause friction in a relationship, especially to the point where it ends. Even though we are growing every day into a more technology advanced society, we as a people have to be able to draw a line on the amount of time we are going to allow smartphones and other devices to consume us. It’s all about moderation. I find it refreshing when I don’t look at my phone for hours. This is mostly on the weekends when time kinda slows down from having a fast paced school week. Me and my boyfriend make it a point to not be on our phones too much when we are spending time together, especially on a date. We want to be in the moment as much as possible. This almost seems crazy to say, but like anything else in a relationship there has to be a compromise and a respect for one another. Not controlling, by any means. But a healthy middle. If there isn’t trust on all levels, is there a point to be in that relationship in the first place? Trust cannot be solely placed on technology usage, because that starts with the individual. Here’s a link to a article from CNN about technology and young couples: http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/12/tech/web/tech-romance-evolution/
I think the topic you chose for this post is really important and something I think about a lot. Phones are obviously incredible pieces of technology but I think they can lead to separation too. I’ve definitely felt that sadness at my boyfriend taking his phone out in the middle of dinner or not answering a text even though I know he saw it since he checks his phone constantly. Thinking about the influence of phones on relationships made me think of this New York Times article that talked about how we literally love our phones. A study showed that when the participant heard the sound of a text coming through on their phone their brain became active in the insular cortex, an area that is thought to be associated with love. This could mean that we love our phone, or at least love getting texts. Either way our brain’s dependency on our devices is quite frightening to me. It’s like a whole new relationship we have to deal with.
That is a very interesting point to make. It is strange how the influences of smartphones in our daily routine has actually gone through a metamorphosis to take the role as an actual relationship in our lives. Thinking of being “in a relationship” with your device reminds me of the movie “Her”, where a man literally falls in love with a digital voice similar to the “Siri” voice on iPhones. It is scary to think that one day people may actually resort to some type of serious romantic entanglement with devices!
I will say that smartphones has definitely altered the way we as a society communicate with one another as well as the accessibility of information. It is sad to think that they cause friction in a relationship, especially to the point where it ends. Even though we are growing every day into a more technology advanced society, we as a people have to be able to draw a line on the amount of time we are going to allow smartphones and other devices to consume us. It’s all about moderation. I find it refreshing when I don’t look at my phone for hours. This is mostly on the weekends when time kinda slows down from having a fast paced school week. Me and my boyfriend make it a point to not be on our phones too much when we are spending time together, especially on a date. We want to be in the moment as much as possible. This almost seems crazy to say, but like anything else in a relationship there has to be a compromise and a respect for one another. Not controlling, by any means. But a healthy middle. If there isn’t trust on all levels, is there a point to be in that relationship in the first place? Trust cannot be solely placed on technology usage, because that starts with the individual. Here’s a link to a article from CNN about technology and young couples: http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/12/tech/web/tech-romance-evolution/
Great post! This post was super relatable! Being that everyone can NOT live without their phones these days I fully agree with everything in this post and article. I can honestly say with my personal experience phones have the exact effects you talk about throughout a relationship, especially when it comes to mistrust ! Even when it comes to friends being shady and their on there phone the first thought that pops into your head is “who are they texting/ snap chatting”. Really interesting to see this from a science standpoint !
Check out this article on why you should be open with your phone in a relationship.
http://elitedaily.com/dating/trust-6-reasons-shouldnt-hide-phone-relationship/973829/
enjoy
I found your blog really interesting and extremely relevant to the way relationships are formed in today’s society. Most of the relationships in my high school started over Snapchat or texting. Only on a rare occasion would a couple go out upon talking about it in person. I think, however, that the research is a source of direct causation. It seems more probable that the overuse of smartphones leads to distance and mistrust between couples. From personal experience and observation, people become suspicious and jealous when their partner is constantly on their phone. They may assume their partner is uninterested or talking to other people, leading to tension or distance in the relationship. This article . I found talks about other problems in relationships caused by social media and technology. It agrees with what you’re saying.
A lot of the relationships in my high school as well began over Snapchat or texting! It is so strange! My mom never understood the relationship dynamics of millennials, she said that when she was a teenager, when you liked someone you called them and asked them out on a date or to a party and it was as easy as that! Today I feel like a lot of kids our age would find that weird or uncomfortable. She also never understood the labels we have today like “having a thing” with someone or “talking to someone”. It is pretty sad to see how the idea of a “healthy” relationship has changed over time.
I like the topic you chose, especially since it really applies to our everyday life. I agree that modern technology is super useful to learn, to communicate, and to use as a source of leisure. I find the fact that people in couples get jealous of their partner’s phones as you mentioned interesting and slightly absurd. I mean, if you can’t trust a partner because of their phone activity, can you really even trust them in the first place? I like your idea of reverse causation for this situation, I think it’s probably more likely that people in unhealthy or unfaithful relationships are more likely to be dependent on their technology. Relating to mistrust in a relationship, Here is an article by Huffington Post that gives some stats on the kinds of people who cheat.