1) I think that your title is well written, but I would add a more urgent tone to it to draw on the issue and why you are writing about it. It does hint at what you will be addressing in your thesis. I think you should tie in more of the background of how mental illness is related to drug use with vaping in your first paragraph.
2) I think this is relevant to exigence since you state and reference events that happened relatively recently that would be somewhat controversial in other towns. I liked how you explained what should be changed about how Twin Valley School District handled the situation. Again, I think you should maybe add more urgency in the push to solve these problems.
3) I think that your thesis is clearly stated and sets up a nice bridge into your body paragraphs later on. It definitely is related to a specific change in practice among how the vaping issue/ drug issues, in general, are faced in this school district.
Your Questions
1) I am not sure what you should use if you cannot find adequate information about your town. Maybe you could also address another town or a larger city that has more statistics available?
2) I like the link between mental health and substance abuse, but I think it could be jumbled at points if you do not clearly go back to your thesis each argument that you make. If you think you have more data to talk about one of them though, I would select that one to talk about.
3) I think it may be interesting to interview students, that way you could create your infographic on your own data. But, be careful that you interview a range/variety of students if you do interview them to make sure your results are not biased.
I agree with the comment above me: I would change the title a bit to add some immediacy to your issue. Also, I would talk more about mental health issues in your introduction. You frame the issue of vaping among adolescents well, but you do not mention the increase of mental health issues among adolescents, which I think would be helpful. Furthermore, I would try to connect the two issues more clearly.
1. You should look at what other school districts have done to curb the issue, as well as what researchers recommend.
2. Personally, I would focus on one of them. If you focus on both, you have to spend a large portion of your writing justifying the connection between the two, which would hurt your argument. I would choose one, and then you can discuss the link between the two in your proposed solutions.
3. I would try to find existing data of your school district. If you can’t, then you could try to interview people, but if you don’t have a large sample size the data might not be very convincing.
I also agree with Jack and Emma, I think your title should be more urgent and that there should be more discussion about mental health in your introduction. Reading the title I was expecting a piece tied more to mental health, and I think the connection between this and substance abuse was a but lost. I think that you worked well at exposing the exigence of the situation by tying it to a unique case, but I also think this could be furthered by connecting it to the national rise of substance abuse in youth. I think you have a very strong thesis that lends itself to the paper and is setting you up for a well structured piece.
1) I think that you may use some broader national statistics and connect them to the crisis in your local area. “This isn’t as bad here” or “This is even worse than nationally”.
2) I think that taking the unique link between these topics helps to focus your paper.
3) I think that if you can talk to a lot of students from a variety of backgrounds this may be useful, but if it is all similar responses or data I would steer away.
1) I think that your title is well written, but I would add a more urgent tone to it to draw on the issue and why you are writing about it. It does hint at what you will be addressing in your thesis. I think you should tie in more of the background of how mental illness is related to drug use with vaping in your first paragraph.
2) I think this is relevant to exigence since you state and reference events that happened relatively recently that would be somewhat controversial in other towns. I liked how you explained what should be changed about how Twin Valley School District handled the situation. Again, I think you should maybe add more urgency in the push to solve these problems.
3) I think that your thesis is clearly stated and sets up a nice bridge into your body paragraphs later on. It definitely is related to a specific change in practice among how the vaping issue/ drug issues, in general, are faced in this school district.
Your Questions
1) I am not sure what you should use if you cannot find adequate information about your town. Maybe you could also address another town or a larger city that has more statistics available?
2) I like the link between mental health and substance abuse, but I think it could be jumbled at points if you do not clearly go back to your thesis each argument that you make. If you think you have more data to talk about one of them though, I would select that one to talk about.
3) I think it may be interesting to interview students, that way you could create your infographic on your own data. But, be careful that you interview a range/variety of students if you do interview them to make sure your results are not biased.
I agree with the comment above me: I would change the title a bit to add some immediacy to your issue. Also, I would talk more about mental health issues in your introduction. You frame the issue of vaping among adolescents well, but you do not mention the increase of mental health issues among adolescents, which I think would be helpful. Furthermore, I would try to connect the two issues more clearly.
1. You should look at what other school districts have done to curb the issue, as well as what researchers recommend.
2. Personally, I would focus on one of them. If you focus on both, you have to spend a large portion of your writing justifying the connection between the two, which would hurt your argument. I would choose one, and then you can discuss the link between the two in your proposed solutions.
3. I would try to find existing data of your school district. If you can’t, then you could try to interview people, but if you don’t have a large sample size the data might not be very convincing.
I also agree with Jack and Emma, I think your title should be more urgent and that there should be more discussion about mental health in your introduction. Reading the title I was expecting a piece tied more to mental health, and I think the connection between this and substance abuse was a but lost. I think that you worked well at exposing the exigence of the situation by tying it to a unique case, but I also think this could be furthered by connecting it to the national rise of substance abuse in youth. I think you have a very strong thesis that lends itself to the paper and is setting you up for a well structured piece.
1) I think that you may use some broader national statistics and connect them to the crisis in your local area. “This isn’t as bad here” or “This is even worse than nationally”.
2) I think that taking the unique link between these topics helps to focus your paper.
3) I think that if you can talk to a lot of students from a variety of backgrounds this may be useful, but if it is all similar responses or data I would steer away.