Am I a Writer… or a Person who Writes

This week, I have the opportunity to sit on a panel of people for whom writing is an important aspect of their work – to talk to students about what writing means in the context of our everyday work. The strange thing is that writing is not anywhere on my job description, yet it has become a very important part of how I do my job.

I became involved in the panel when one day, the convener  was telling me about the upcoming project, and I found myself in an almost out-of-body experience telling her I’d be glad to sit on the panel if she needed participants. There were some crickets chirping… mostly because no one on my campus would probably think of me as a writer… I’m an instructional designer and an instructor of college reading. I help faculty with teaching, learning, and technology… but writing? What?!

The crazy thing (to me anyway) was that normally, if I hear crickets, I would retreat.. “Bad idea.. dumb idea…just forget it… what was I thinking… but if you need anyone (slinking away), I’d be happy to help (close the door behind you).” My colleague was so kind and just asked a few questions and in a few days, she emailed and asked if I would sit on the panel!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I actually sought out the convener and asked if I could participate. Something had changed in how I think about myself in relation to writing. As I was asking her initially if she needed participants, I heard the voice inside my head saying, “What are you doing?! You aren’t a writer…you’re a person who writes… Yet, in spite of my own objections and surprise, I found myself vehemently making the case for myself. “I write a newsletter on teaching & learning; I keep a professional blog about current projects; I write journal articles, this personal blog, and I spend a lot of time writing emails to help people with teaching issues.” I think something inside of me wanted to claim that title, which is why I was the one reaching out and asserting myself. Up until now, I have thought of myself more as a “person who writes” – that description doesn’t come with as much pressure somehow… If I whisper it, maybe they’ll let me continue to do it without anyone saying, “Hey, YOU… put that pen down… You’re not a writer!”

So as I think about what I’ll say during the panel when asked what I write and why I write, I’d like to say that I write to document accomplishments, and I write to provide support, but mostly, I write to discover meaning – about my experiences and those of others. There is something incredible about getting to the moment of insight through the writing process – of feeling that there is something there, just under the surface that isn’t fully experienced, understood, or felt and then all of a sudden, the curtain opens, and there is this moment of clarity. “Oh, I SEE!”

In the end, am I a writer, or a person who writes? One seems to be more about identity and the other about a tool which is used for a particular purpose.  At this moment, I think something inside of me is moving towards embracing the former. Notice I did not write it (I am a writer! Shhhhh). I guess I’ll need to write more about this to get to the bottom of it!

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Reflection and Silence: 2 Sides of the Coin – or Dough!

The act of reflection sits at the center of many of my recent endeavors. Usually this is energizing for me, but right now, I feel tired, and I’m wondering why.

School projects on lifelong and social-emotional learning, writing weekly (almost!) slices, working on my doomed Fulbright application, planning this fall’s resiliency activities, deciding what to make for supper, agonizing over what to say to a grieving colleague…everything seems to need reflection and contemplation… This active and engaged period of problem-solving and creation is like mixing and kneading the dough… we have to do the work and it can be hard!

But it isn’t enough.And I think this is why I feel tired…

At some point, we have to step away from the dough!What amazes me is thinking about what our brains are really doing as we chug along with our work… We think, we edit, we revise – and we think we are in control… but then we leave it for a bit to let it “proof” and “rise”. Just as important as the act of thinking, is the act of stepping away… to let it be… to do nothing… and to wait!!!!

In that resting and quiet space,our brains miraculously continue to build connections and bridges leading towards new insights. It is such a strange sensation.

Who is really driving the bus? I know it’s me, but it isn’t me – it is the collection of all the experiences, thoughts, encounters, classes, people, books, music, etc etc that have come into my awareness over time… and somehow, magically, with mixing, kneading, and then REST, insight breaks forth…

One of my favorite people, Paolo Freire, in one of my favorite books co-written with Myles Horton, called We Make the Road by Walking, says “…reading is a kind of research…studying means finding something, and the act of finding brings with it a certain taste, a certain moment of happiness that is creation and re-creation. No it’s not easy, but it is good to be done.” (p. 37)

To me, safeguarding the time for reflection is important – but it is only half of the battle of “finding” what we are looking for – being silent and letting the dough rise on its own is the flip side of that coin! I think I’m so tired because I haven’t been letting my dough rise!!! Time to walk away!

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Waiting

Why must I …

Stay positive?

Be helpful?

Be kind?

Look for the silver lining?

Keep my chin up?

When all I really want to do is sleep and push the reset button.

Hope springs eternal, or so they say.

Breathe deeply and wait for it to arrive.

 

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Need ideas to celebrate a special B-day.

My older sister has always given 100% of herself to our family life. She’s the most dependable, generous, and thoughtful one of the four of us siblings. You can count on her sound judgment, integrity, and wisdom whenever it is needed. Growing up, it was always “Call mom, she’ll know!” and as my mom has gotten older, it now is, “Call Deb, she’ll know!” Holidays and other important gatherings now happen at her house. And she never complains about the work, cost, etc. that goes into having everyone over to the house. She has paid for vacations and meals for all of us over the years, when we took our turns being down on our luck and never made us feel bad about any of it. It was always like you were doing her a favor.  She is always first to volunteer for the hard jobs, like cleaning out our parents’ basement, sitting by my dad’s bedside on his last day, and managing my mom’s finances.

Don’t get me wrong, my other siblings do their fair share, and they are remarkable in their own right, but I am sure they would agree, that my sister Deb should win the prize for thoughtfulness and generosity.

So now here is my question. I need some good ideas to make her 60th birthday celebration special. My younger sister and I promised that we’d celebrate with her during our annual girl’s weekend at the shore – but nothing seems good enough or “exactly right” that we’ve thought of so far. What are some  great ideas that you’ve done to show the special ones in your lives how much you appreciate them?!  Thanks!!!

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Setting an Intention: Healthy Choices

Think down the road six months… that’s roughly Thanksgiving time… about some quality that you’d like to have in your life by that time. Take that hope and write it on a small stone that fits in your pocket as a reminder to make choices each day to help make that intention a reality in your life. Since January, mine has been “balance” and I have to say, that walking around with my stone, really did give me the conviction to choose it, when I needed to – like staying home from work when you are really sick and walking away from the TV to get a walk and sunshine, even if the latest Kdrama is too compelling! The stone seems to give you permission to choose the good for yourself! Lately though, I feel like I’m doing OK with this and want to set a new intention.

making healthy choices

My whole life seems to have been one of diets and dieting. I recently had some victories – lost some weight, dropped my cholesterol, got moving with the help of my FitBit, and generally am feeling pretty darned good. But I also know that these gains are just a breath away from being only a faint memory, once again… So I’ve chosen my new intention for the next six months: to consistently make healthy choices. I don’t want to start over again…I want to keep moving forward. But for everyone out there who knows what I’m talking about, I guess all we can do is keep trying…so set your intentions – whatever they may be – and take it day by day with gentle reminders to do what you need to do to get that quality in your life. Fighting!!!!

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Do or Do not. There is No Try. Fulbright

Leave it to Yoda and Star Wars for the wisdom we need. With five years or so until semi-retirement, I’ve started to think more seriously about what I’d like to accomplish before I step back a little bit from formal “work”. A chance at a Fulbright award is something I’ve always wanted to try for, but there are so many hurdles…I had the chance to speak with a program director today, and she said, “Well, you know, if you don’t try, you have a zero percent chance of getting in.” I chuckled… Good point!  So Yoda, I guess I’ll put my shoulder to the wheel, and start the ball rolling. Come to think of it, there are a lot of these kinds of cliches that urge us to just go for it! Nothing ventured nothing gained. ..It never hurts to ask… Go for it! Just do it! Go for the gusto! We humans must need that encouragement for some reason.

So if there is something that deep down in your heart, you really really want to do….then I encourage you (as I will encourage myself) to just DO IT! I’d love to know what you’re contemplating!

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The Magic of Things

Asheville necklace

I was talking with a colleague of mine today who just hit a major milestone in his academic career. He earned tenure just a few short days ago. I asked him if he was going to celebrate the accomplishment. He laughed and said, “I am! I’m taking the time to clean up my office!”  He was taking the time to rearrange his books, organize his class materials from a decade of teaching, and toss out the unnecessary accumulated “stuff” in order to set the stage for the next chapter of his career. It felt good and lighthearted to stand in the middle of his office, looking at his books on and by Shakespeare, Edith Warton, and his own published works. We both marveled at the power of books to command our attention and prompt reflection. I felt sad for today’s students who often, because of cost, but also because of preference, choose electronic books. I think, “you can’t hold those and feel the covers and the turn of the page…or the weight. You can’t visit your books, like we were doing at that moment.”  Surrounded on three sides by his books, each of which meant something special, in a different way-for the ideas inside, or because it represented a certain period of time in his life, or his own creative process, or perhaps it was a gift from a friend, or was in his home growing up – we both marveled at the power, and he said “The magic of things!” … to evoke memories…this got me thinking about my own things and the magic they might hold for me.

This picture is a necklace I bought during a trip a few years ago with my husband to Asheville, NC. It was made by local artisans and I just love the colors which are reminiscent of the Smokey Mountains down there, but the colors also evoke memories of the shore…a treasured yearly trip with my 2 sisters. So I have to agree with him that there does exist a magic of things. There are many things that I could recycle or give away to simplify the extra stuff in my office or home, but there are those things that we’ll always keep – my dad’s shop glasses and my mom’s pretty gold compact from her college days. My beautiful bronze bell and my pearl necklace. These are some of the magical things that I would keep. What else and why? What magic do they hold?! I like this question, and I’ll spend more time pondering it!

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Finishing up a Year of Mindfulness

Starting last summer at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center‘s Summer Institute on Social Emotional Learning for Educators (yes, I know it is a mouthful!), I began working with mindfulness practices – for myself, and later with my students and also the faculty on my campus. It has been a wonderful year! Today is our final faculty gathering – a lunch to celebrate all we’ve accomplished this year. The focus was on building community, wellness, and helping us tap back into the enthusiasm we had when we began teaching… what’s meaningful for us in this work…

We met every 2 weeks over the lunch hour for the academic year and tried something new each session, using activities at GGSC and other things including meditating with music, art, and movement. We took a field trip together for a buddhist meditation day to hear Tara Brach, and invited speakers from Canada and Philadelphia to speak to us about mindfulness and well-being in higher education (Thanks Jill Grose, Paula Gardner, and Robin Boudette!) One session we spent in pairs, strolling together talking in the woods – this being such an odd site apparently, that security stopped by to find out what these faculty members were doing – lol!!! We wrote intentions on garden stones to carry in our pockets for the semester, and some of us joined a weight loss challenge in order to get healthy.

In my college reading class, we practiced mindfulness in many different ways as a supplement and support to aid studying, focus, and emotional health while learning. I incorporated it both fall and spring semesters (with a little trepidation) but in the end, survey results showed 100% of students found value in the practice and voted to “keep it” as part of the class.

I’ve been able to share this with different audiences this year – students and faculty from local and regional campuses, graduate education students at their orientation meeting, and soon to my own group of instructional designers, looking at how this fits into course design, beyond delivery of content.

What did I learn/gain from this year? Personally, I gained so much… peace of mind and heart, a renewed enthusiasm for my work with faculty, a promise to take better care of myself, and confidence in using the techniques with students. I lost 11 pounds, my cholesterol went down 40 points and my triglycerides are back in the normal range. I got a FitBit and started moving every hour from my computer- even if I have to march at my desk during online meetings. I have become an advocate for slowing down the frenzy, saying “no” to overwork and meaningless tasks, challenging assumptions about what work should look and feel like, thinking about my teaching(and professional life) in a more holistic fashion – head, heart, body!

I can say that last year at this time, I was as close to burnout as I could get – unhealthy, unhappy…and this year, as we prepare to close out the year, I am profoundly grateful to my colleagues (Kerry, Fred, Noel, Mike, Annie, Jane, Barb, and Harry) and students for helping to make this experience possible – What a joy to have done it together! What will next year bring? I’m not sure yet – I want to stop and just enjoy this moment, right now…Breathe…

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A (not so) Recently Acquired Obsession: All Things Korean

kimchi ingredientsFor about the last year and a half, for a still unknown reason, I have become engrossed in a love of all things South Korean. As far as I know , I have no known Korean connections… yet, I am strangely drawn to many aspects of their culture.

A chance meeting with a Korean drama (the genre is also known as a Kdrama) called Fated to Love You, got me started, and from that point, there was no turning back. I think I really love the story lines – they are reminiscent of the reasons why I love Jane Austen so much. The person just trying to live a good life who triumphs over the superficial characters around her -and in spite of problems of crossing social barriers and economic status, manages to win love and happiness at the end of the day. What’s not to love?!

I’m also really interested in the editing of their Kdramas, too. They churn these things out like there’s no tomorrow, so if you get hooked (I’ve warned you),  you don’t have to worry about running out of good shows to watch! And yet, they masterfully weave music, story line, scenery, and characters in such a way that you fall under their spell before you know it has happened!

Some of my recent fav’s – Oh My Venus and Late Night Restaurant. UPDATE – two new fav’s – My Dear Friends and Answer Me 1988

On the game show side of things, Running Man is the ultimate in hilarity! The ensemble cast has it down to a science. The naturally reserved culture makes for many opportunities for laughs. During one of the darkest times of my life, Running Man came to my rescue time and time again, making me laugh right out loud!

From music, to food, to films, TV shows, and game shows, there is something there that appeals to me so strongly! Music? Say no more – KPop is legendary, but if you aren’t in for teen idols, check out this current favorite – for a sense of the beautiful lyrical quality To You by Sung Si Kyung.

OK, OK… yes, I’m a hopeless romantic, but why not!!!??

Over spring break last month, my husband and I decided to try our hand at making Kimchi – the picture above! It was delicious!! We ate it in soup, with rice, in savory pancakes…YUMMY fermented goodness!

So, I have about 5 years until I can semi-retire… and I am thinking, hmmmm, if this interest keeps up, maybe I’ll try my hand at teaching English for a semester or two over there! That would take some courage to make this dream come to life… but why not!! Life is so short some times… Makes me wonder what everyone else is thinking about as their work life Part II!!! I hope you share if you are also loving all things Hanguk!!!

 

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