Combating Anxiety on College Campuses
George Orley, a 20 year old, packed up his car and hugged his parents goodbye before driving 45 minutes to start his junior year the University of Michigan. Just a few days later, his parents were contacted by the police to inform them that George had taken his own life. George had been suffering from depression for the past 18 months and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder on top of living with diabetes and recovering from a hip surgery which set him behind a semester. A few years after George’s passing, his mother came out and spoke about how her son could not take the weight of everything and school, preventing him from seeing beyond those four years(CITE IN DEPTH). George is not alone in this mentality as 1 in 1,000 students commit suicide on college campuses each year and even more have seriously considered it, and half of them in both men and women did not tell anyone about their suicidal thoughts. (CITE CRISIS ON CAMPUS). More than 40% of college students suffer from anxiety, making it not only difficult to perform academically, but also fitting in socially. Most colleges and universities have mental health centers aimed at solving these issues, but the reality of those centers can make effective growth difficult.
Anxiety disorders are becoming increasingly prevalent in society today. This could be due to a number of factors including increased awareness of psychological disorders and diagnosis, overall increase of stressful environmental factors, and reduced stigmas against mental illness. There are a variety of anxiety disorders affecting over 40 million American adults each year however less than 40% of those suffering with anxiety seek treatment (CITE FACTS & STATS ADAA). College is stressful enough as is, with a predisposition to anxiety disorders, friend drama, and other pressures involved during this time it can make it difficult for students to manage. Are colleges and universities doing enough to ensure the mental health of students and reduce anxiety? The short answer, no. Colleges and universities can be doing more to help support their students and reduce anxiety. Colleges should expand their psychological services center to further support students suffering with anxiety and other mental illness.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
The title is very straightforward and I think it fits in with your introduction pretty well. Perhaps you could connect suicide with anxiety more.
You do a good job expressing the exigence of suicide and treating anxiety. You show that if you don’t treat anxiety, there are serious consequences for it.
I think you could expand your thesis more than just one sentence at the end. Perhaps you could add a hint to your solution in the end of the first paragraph also.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
Your title is very explanatory but your opening story is about a teen with depression not anxiety therefore I would suggest you expand the title to be more inclusive of both anxiety and depression as that seems to be the focus.
Your title and introduction are efficient at adding urgency to the issue. The story made the statistics you included feel more real.
Your thesis sets up a clear plan of action and what the purpose of this paper will be.