Personally, I think we could end it with the title. Ted Cruz running for office is comparable to Kevin Malone applying for a job in the warehouse and being taken on as an accountant instead.
Only 22% of Texan voters strongly approve of Cruz while 32% strongly disapprove. His own voters don’t even want him. We are pretty sure if Ted Cruz is aware that he is under constant scrutiny…
But that didn’t stop him from ‘allegedly’ (we all know he did) violating Texas law today. Ted Cruz’s campaign recently sent out a fundraising ad designed like a court summons. This is textbook scam mail which is designed to trick the elderly into donating money. And here I was believing Ted Cruz was serial victim of mail scams when in reality, he’s the scammer. Who woulda thunk it? Not me. Ever. I can still barely believe it.
It’s also a little suspicious that Small Hands is all of a sudden endorsing Ted Cruz’s campaign. Actually, it’s not suspicious because when you think about it, he’s willing to make any Republican friends this close to the midterm elections. In October, we will get to see Small Hands and Kevin Ted Cruz in the biggest g– d-mn stadium this country has ever seen at a slumber party KKK gathering Hilary Hitmen Meeting Cruz rally. That is a direct quote.
It’s actually pathetic when Malone Cruz announced this event. He (and Small Hands) could not go ONE day with the focus off of them. The country was focused on the death of John McCain, therefore, arguably the end of civil politics as well, so the Zodiac Killer Cruz just had to bring the focus back to his decomposing campaign. I would say dead, but it died a while ago.
I would like to shift gears a little bit. US Weekly once did a feature about secrets we didn’t know about Cruz. I would like to elaborate on these.
1.) The 100 cans of soup
First of all, I call BS on the cute little story that chalks this up to this grown couple can’t cook and that Ted Cruz can’t afford a private hibachi chef to cook in his lap when away on business cook when away on business.
We allllll know this man is planning for some kind of nuclear holocaust natural disaster, and he’s bought out multiple small grocery stores’ stock of Campbell’s soup. He also keeps in this makeshift, possibly above-ground shelter 12, battery powered, Walkmans and copies of every discussion he and Small Hands have ever had that would incriminate the both of them.
2.) Ted Cruz’s daughters love Taylor Swift
I’m not completely sure where the angel that is Taylor Swift stands on politics, but I highly doubt she ever would have visited Ted Cruz and his family in the White House. I actually feel bad for his daughters. I mean we all should. Ted Cruz is their dad.
I’m gonna shift again. Scratch this whole, “get to know your soon-to-be ex-Texas senator,” game.
Taylor Swift is a self proclaimed feminist, so, just spitballing here, I don’t think she would visit someone who formed a literal coalition called, “Pro-Lifers for Cruz,” which was headed by Tony Perkins who once said, the government has a responsibility to execute abortion doctors “in order to expunge bloodguilt [sic] from the land and people.”
He couldn’t even come up with a catchy name. Neither can I, but that’s because he just sucks… and I don’t want to. The lack of a catchy name is the only take away you should have from that by the way. Don’t worry about the severely flawed logic that you can solve the ‘abortion is murder’ problem by murdering doctors who provide women with safe options to terminate an unwanted pregnancy.
With Kavanaugh’s impending approval, someone like Ted Cruz is especially scary. He supports the defunding of Planned Parenthood because all parenting situations should be a complete surprise.
He also supports this whole school choice scam. Here is an explanation as to why this is bad bad bad idea because I don’t even know where to start. He also doesn’t support common core initiatives. This just comes down to republicans don’t want an educated voter base, and that’s scary.
When you vote without knowledge, you are hurting democracy. When you vote along party lines, you are hurting democracy… unless you’re a liberal democrat because we are always right. When you let Ted Cruz keep his Senate seat, you are beating the crap out of democracy until it’s in a coma. When you let Kevin Malone work for accounting, you hurt finances of Dunder Mifflin.
https://texaspolitics.utexas.edu/set/ted-cruz-approval-february-2018#overall
https://www.sfchronicle.com/entertainment/garchik/article/Trump-turns-Ted-Cruz-former-villain-into-a-hero-13204245.php
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2016/04/14/ted-cruz-once-bought-100-cans-of-soup-and-other-facts-about-him-and-his-family/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.3cd880b1d6c4
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_positions_of_Ted_Cruz#Abortion_and_reproductive_care