In the United States, semantic gender appears in binary pronouns like “he” and “she.” However, there are those who do not identify as a “man” (he) or as a “woman” (she). For these people, there is a movement in the LGBTQ community to add gender neutral pronouns for example “they, their, them”. While this singular pronoun “they” has existed for centuries in English, children in school are taught that “they” can only be used for plural cases and that they must use “he or she”. Here, “he or she” indicates the binary which is exclusive to an entire minority. Gender is not a binary and there are more genders than “he or she” can cover. Over time, “they” as a singular pronoun becomes “agrammatical” – often people will say using the singular “they” is agrammatical (even though linguistically it is grammatical and is used in natural language frequently).
“Transgender” crosses the binary line because this umbrella term includes those who identify as genderqueer and genderfluid. These are “non-binary” identities and are explored more in the Terminology section of this website.
The LGBTQA community actively promotes the respect of each person’s preferred pronouns. There are some in which are not located in “Standard English, but which become standard, especially for those within the community. Below is a chart of pronoun choices and how they might be used in speech.
How to Acquire Someone’s Pronouns (sample dialogue)
Since members of the LGBTQA community is aware of and often utilizes these different pronouns, they are conscious of the fact that they cannot simply assume someone’s pronouns based on how they look (whereas, outside of the community, it is very common to address someone by “he” or “she” depending on whether they appear male or female). In order to acquire someone’s pronouns, there are generally two different approaches one can take. Based on my observation of those in the community, I have created two separate sample dialogues.
Respecting Pronouns
The transwoman in the video below talks about name change, pronoun change and general etiquette in terms of language used when referring to someone who is trans*. While this example is withing the binary (i.e. discussing use of “he” or “she” pronouns), the same ideas apply to respecting those who use non-binary pronouns.