I’m writing this after another defeated attempt to go to White Building and work out by myself. This is going to flow more like a rant, but also a reflection on why I find going to the gyms on campus to be SO uncomfortable, especially for women. Inspired by Pam, I’m just trying to deconstruct the atmosphere of these spaces and attempt to formulate ways to overcome the discomfort caused by taking up space at the gym.

As someone who already prefers to hang off to the side and watch rather than be watched, the gym is a place I’ve had issues with for a long time. I remember the first time I ever went to work out, I walked on a treadmill for an hour because I was terrified of looking clueless on the equipment or getting stares while I did absolutely anything, because I felt I looked so out of place. Now that I’ve come to Penn State, the gyms here are even worse than my gym back home. A few days prior to writing this, I went to the gym with my boyfriend during the day. Big mistake on my end, as 1. I had already showered, and 2. I was so self-conscious the whole time that I ended up watching true crime Youtube videos while I pedaled leisurely on a stationary bike for about half an hour. I asked the Triota group message why the gym was so uncomfortable for women, to which Pam replied, “the gym is a place where men perform masculinity and part of that performance is making the space feel charged with that feeling”. For some reason I was more surprised than I feel I should have been, but at the same time this quote stuck with me so much that I decided to dive a little deeper.

Walking into literally any gym on Penn State’s campus is like walking into a jungle, as my one friend Jon so eloquently put it. I’m not sure who else does this, but I immediately start scanning the room for other women because the male presence is just so pervasive. I typically see maybe 5-ish women in the weight room at any given time, because almost none of them are in the free-weights section, and instead are doing bodyweight work or cardio. The rest of the people there are the 200-something men in the space; many of them super bulky or passably fit. Trying to explain the obvious fact that the gym is a male space to my male, gym-going friends isn’t a concept that seems to click with them because they always say, “But the gym isn’t about them, it’s about you!”. They’re right, but that’s a feeling afforded to them by the fact that they are men entering a space that has been made for them by other men. I know the gym is supposed to be a place for me and that no one else matters, but when you’re a ambiguously “fit” woman entering that space, you stick out like a sore thumb; I can’t even begin to imagine the discomfort an overweight or obese woman may face entering this space. The intimidation created by these men performing masculinity in this hypermasculine space can make someone feel so incredibly self-conscious about taking up space and existing where they are the minority.

Back to the masculine performances, to anyone who doesn’t understand this concept, think of it as an analogy to this: some women wear makeup to perform femininity while men go to the gym to get bigger muscles. Cool? Nice. Masculinity is physical strength, power, large size, consumption of space, and even intimidation as a way to assert dominance. When men are put into a room to perform these aspects of masculinity, Pandora’s box is opened and it’s almost like everything about the gym becomes everything that is scary about men. I’m not suggesting that anyone is going to immediately incite violence, but the message is very clear that the weightroom is not a place for women. The worst part is that lifting weights is beneficial for both sexes, so being excluded from this because I am avoiding masculinity sucks. If women felt like they were more welcomed in the space, they might be more inclined to participate more.

Considering that many college aged men think that going to the gym is a personality trait, I can’t see this situation changing anytime soon. The gym is a place that belongs to them. It’s their “Iron Temple”(this term makes my skin crawl), their place to relieve aggression, frustration, a place to literally exercise their maleness. They’d probably deny this, but honestly I’d consider that to be gaslighting. How can you tell me that the gym is a place for everyone when only one kind of person dominates the space? I am not crazy for seeing that and recognizing that the sense of physical intimidation and male judgement (whether on beauty, my physique, how much weight I can lift, whatever!) is a barrier to my desire to lift heavy weights. I hate that I can’t work on myself without worrying about what some bulky douchebag thinks of me. I really do. I wish that Penn State could have maybe one night a week or something where only women could have access to the weight room, to exercise without the additional weight of sexism and on their shoulders.