Issue Brief Paragraph One
Title: Striking a Change in the Criminal Justice System
Introduction paragraph:
It is known world wide that the United States is known for having the highest mass incarceration rate since 2013 compared to all other countries, it has been hurting our status as a country and many citizens. This is an issue I believe not many Americans consider important because it does not effect them directly, unless they know a family or friend unjustly incarcerated. Or simply we are still a racially motivated country that has only 37% people of color making up the entire population but 67% of the prison population, is it fair to say this is due to current sentencing policies, implicit racial bias and socioeconomic inequity? Our country went through such a turbulent period to be “tough on crime” in the 80s which led to a dramatic growth in incarceration; but we are now seeing more people incarcerated now than during this time period in the 80s. Sentencing and prison reform is talked about occasionally and doesn’t receive a lot of media coverage but the problem is not getting any better. The following policy I propose will be in order to financially allocate money to sentencing and pre-trial reform state wide and addressing racial disparities in the courtroom. Every one deserves a fair fight and the correct amount of justice served.
3 Comments
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Victoria Vanriele
I think your title echo’s your thesis and fits your piece. The introduction hints at why this issue is important but maybe if you include a more recent statistic that’ll show why this issue is so urgent and this is a perfect rhetorical situation to be solving this issue. I would maybe suggest switching the order of your last two sentences so that last sentence can serve as a thesis statement and state exactly the type of reform you’re suggesting!
Leena Wardeh
I think your title is eye-catching and addresses your topic of choice in a short, coherent way. I enjoy how your first paragraph does not have unnecessary fluff but gets right down to the issue, which is very important within a first paragraph. I would also suggest what Victoria said – switch the order of your last sentences, so your thesis is the last sentence that wraps up the entirety of your intro. Otherwise, very well done for a draft!
dqk5527
I think your writing style for this assignment is perfect, you are very direct and right to the point. The title is good, it gives a good start to the topic of the paper, and I would agree with both Victoria and Leena and switch the structure around so that it ends in a more inclusive way good job!