The Art of a Proper Pinwheel

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It is now springtime! (That was said in a singsong voice; please, make note of that.) What does spring mean? Flowers and warm breezes. What do flowers mean? My ultimate happiness. Ah, but what so warm breezes mean? PINWHEELS. Today we are going to make this ever so classy, slightly pointless, but always fun toy. Get excited!

What you shall need to make art:

  • paper
  • decoration materials (pens, paint, tissue paper, glue, etc.)
  • something to let it spin on (pencis, long thing, etc.) (maybe)
  • a push pin (or a tack, if that’s what you call it)
  • scissors
  • wind (maybe)
  • springtime music (country music, if that’s what you’re into?)

Step 1: The Paper Preparation

Buy or steal find paper wherever you can! I chose some thick paper because it’s study. Once you have your sheet, make it square. I find the best method for this to be folding one of the corners up to the edge of the paper, making a triangle.

Then, tear off the little flap-part at the top. AND VOILA! You now have a square piece of paper.

(Side Note: Before this next bit, fold the paper the other way as well. So that each opposing corner meets. You want an “X” fold in the center of your square paper.)

Step 2: The Paper Pretty-ification

You can do whatever you want to decorate! I went for a semi-paper mache styled approach. First, I put glue on the paper.

 Second, spread it into a thin layer.

Third, rip of a piece of tissue paper. Then, press it down on the glue you just spread.

Look at how lovely it is!

Step 3: The Paper Pinwheel-ification

Now this is the tricky part. Remember how you folded the paper into a triangle both ways before? Good because that’s going to be important now!

Cut the creases on the four corners of the paper halfway to the center point.

When you’re done, it’s going to look like the image below.

Now fold every other flap into the center, pressing it into the pushpin in order to keep it down.

(Side Note: It is best to have the pushpin facing the opposite way than I have in these few demonstration pictures. You will see what I mean, when you see the final images at the end of this blog.)

Finally, press the pinwheel into a pencil (or other sort of long thing) for pinning or into a wall for a fabulous form of decoration!

Step 4: The Successes and Failures of All Pinwheels

Now, folks, I don’t know about you, but these things never seem to work properly for me… I could not for the life of me figure out how to get it to spin!

So, after some frustration, I turned this paper mache masterpiece into some wall art. I think it looks rather dapper sitting there on my board…

End Note: It’s been a pleasure to craft with you! I hope you’ve enjoyed this blog and all its content (puns and cheesiness included). You’ve been a FABULOUS audience! Now, as a final note of this end note, avoid paper cuts at ALL costs. You know the drill!

The Art of Words in Watercolors

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It’s craft time! I keep seeing these gorgeous watercolor backwash photos and paintings on pintrest and tumblr, so I took a little time out to make a half-decent attempt at recreating it. And by half-decent, I mean only half of it came out decent.

What you need to learn from my mistake:

  • watercolor paint (whatever you have is fine)
  • paint brush(es)
  • cup of water
  • thick paper
  • a white crayon

Step 1: The Stuff and the Sketch

Gather your supplies! That’s always important… Supplies also include an idea. You need something to draw or write, obviously.

Think about it…

THINK ABOUT IT….

Got it? Good, now draw it with your white crayon on your thick paper! Be careful, though, because you can’t really see what you’re drawing.

If you look at the paper normally, you probably won’t really see anything. So, I used my computer to try to show you what I wrote.

Step 2: The Paint Part

Get your watercolors ready however you are meant to do so. Palates are easiest, but I like how this form of watercolors look better.

Use your water to get the colors going!

Make sure you keep it rather dark, which I did not do. So, use the proper amount of liquid. If you put the water on the paper with the crayon first, then the crayon absorbs the water and doesn’t repel the water like it is supposed to. I learned that the hard way…

Notice that you cannot read the top part. That was all thanks to too lightly used colors, watering prior to paint, and too much water in general. Don’t do that.

Then I tried to fix it by writing over the outline of the words with sharpie. Yeah, that did not really work out at all…

Step 3: The Finished Product

What was the solution to the issues I faced? Well, I just cut the paper and kept the part that looked good.

I hope that this works out FAR better for you! It really does look very neat, I promise. Now, go! Be artsy!

End Note: I don’t think putting watercolors or white crayons in your mouth is a very good idea, so avoid that at all costs. Also, feel free to not make a huge mess of your desk and laptop. Cleaning up is not fun, but I suppose it is a good thing that watercolors don’t really stain like many other things…

The Art of Cooking Green Things

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Alright, I am sorry, but I lied. I thought I had gone through all the food/recipe pictures for blog posts, but (somewhat sadly) this was not the case. So, kind people, we’re going to cook ONE MORE thing! It’s pretty healthy and it goes well with other things. Plus, best of all, it’s green (just like the color the grass, trees, and plants are supposed to be in April)!

What you’re going to need:

  • a pan-esque thing
  • spinach
  • kale
  • olive oil
  • salt
  • pepper
  • wooden spoon
  • cherry tomatos
  • maybe grated parmigiano cheese (if you’re feeling cheesy)
  • maybe some toasted chopped almonds (if you’re feeling nutty)

Step 1: The Pan

Please, heat your pan on medium (or maybe medium-low). It’s going to start getting a little toasty so DON’T TOUCH IT.

Pour on a little olive oil. (I used basting oil with herbs and things on it because I am super fancy.)

Step 2: The Green

Grab a handful of spinach.

Grab a handful of cherry tomatoes. (If you have yet to catch on, the answer is yes. Yes, we are using measurements in terms of body parts today, which means that I hope you don’t have abnormally large hands.) Just plop them right on top!

Grab 2 handfuls of kale and mix it all up. Your pan should be hot by this point. If it is not, then you need to fix your range.

Also, I know that this looks like an insanely massive amount of stuff. Don’t freak out! It will undoubtably shrink down to about one-fourth of this.

Step 3: The Heat and Fanciness 

I gave up on my wooden spoon and opted for thick rubber gloves. DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME KIDS. I’m just too cool for school…

After it is thoroughly mixed, add a pinch of salt and pepper. Now, (if you like it, then you should) put a lid on it. Let this sit (and stir occasionally) until it is as cooked as you want it to be. It’s up to your personal preference!

It is time to get the extra topping stuff ready! Crush up some parmigiano to sprinkle on top and toast some chopped almonds, which is not pictured here because I had to put out the fire that I started from forgetting I put the almonds in the toaster oven. Then I made my mom toast almonds for me because I no longer trusted myself enough for the task. Whoops…

Step 4: The Edibility

Look! It’s a beautiful color and taste combo! This is a great quick lunch or a fabulous side dish to almost any main course. Bon appetit!

End Note: I am not lying this time, I promise! Crafts to come in the near and dear fututre…

The Art of Smoothies

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In honor of spring… HA! I’m kidding it’s still snowy and about 20 degrees here. So, in the hopes that spring comes eventually, we’re going to make a smoothie. Now, not that I am complaining, but I live in a dorm room. So, while a smoothie might not be particularly exciting to you, it was the absolute highlight of my week. How did I make this heavenly mixture do you ask? Well, my fabulous roommate brought a mini-blender back with her, so thank her for the best (light AND refreshing) smoothie you will every have. Enjoy, fellow human beings (and zombies… don’t think I’ve forgotten about you)!

What you will need to blend yourself a beautiful treat:

  • strawberries
  •  bananas
  • orange juice (I like it pulpy, but that is really up to you.)
  • ice
  • a blender

Step 1: A Lil’ Slice and Dice

Just cut up your fruits. What I do is put my ice at the bottom first (filled to about a quarter of the blender). Then I throw in one entire banana (usually cut in half). After that, just fill the rest of the blender (to just nearly the top) with halved strawberries. Once your blender is all fruited up, it’s juicing time! I typically just fill the blender a quarter of the way (right up to where the ice stops) with the orange juice.

Step 2: The Pulse Button

I usually prefer to just pulse my blended smoothies, which is convenient because that is the only button this wonderful mini-blender has. This part is primarily up to you; pulse to your preference! I like mine a little itsy bitsy bit chunky…

Step 3: The Slurpin’ of a Job Well Done

That’s it! That is the whole blog for the week. I hope you enjoy this recipe and get excited to come back next week for some actual crafts! I know it’s been bit of a while, but, I promise, we’re getting back to the foundation of the blog (craftastrophes).

End Note: Be wary of sharp things and stay out of the cold. Obviously, my lilies seem to think it’s spring time… I disagree.

However, in the kind of words of one of my favorite television shows that will be starting a new season next week, “[spring] is coming.”

The Art of Risotto

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My grandmother (a.k.a. Nonna) is from Italy. That’s all that really needs to be said, but I will continue anyway. My classic Italian grandmother may very well be the absolute best cook on this earth. I have learned some of the most amazing family recipes from this woman. All of which are only written down in illegible Italian (a.k.a. TOP SECRET). One of my personal favorites is her simple risotto dish. It goes flawlessly with any main dish you can think of, I assure you! It can even become a fabulous main course if you feel like throwing in some other ingredients (mushrooms, chicken, etc.) to snazzy it up.

The ingredients to this delicious wonder are as follows:

  • risotto rice
  • white wine (preferably pinot grigio)
  • a white onion
  • olive oil
  • chicken broth
  • a tiny bit of salt
  • a tiny bit of pepper
  • fire
  • a pot (remember that risotto doubles when picking a size)
  • a wooden spoon
  • an endless supply of Frank Sinatra music to keep you company (the most important ingredient)

Step 1: The Onions

Alright so, as a basic risotto rule, for 1 cup of risotto rice you need to cut a quarter or half of an onion and sauté it. At most you’ll probably only ever use one onion. What is sautéing, you may ask? Well you’re going to drizzle a wee bit of olive oil into your pot (barely even enough to fully, thinly coat the bottom of the pot). Let it cook a little bit, then throw in your medium-ly chopped onions (use the below image as a reference). Let the onions get a little bit brown-ish/clear-ish. Beware to not under cook them nor overcook them! It’s a bit tricky…

(Side Note: Sorry to have not taken a picture of the sautéed onions alone. I spaced out a bit.)

Step 2: The Rice

Then pour in the cup (or however much you’re using in this proportion) of risotto rice. Continuously stir it until the rice is a little itsy bitsy bit toasted.

Below you can see a picture that includes a few toasted grains of risotto. That’s pretty much all you want. Also, you can add the tiny dash of salt and pepper now.

Step 3: The Liquids

Now it’s time to liquify! Pour in one and a half cups of white wine (depending on how much rice you’re cooking). I am going to level with you here. I typically make two cups of risotto, and (no lie) I use an entire bottle of wine. So, I recommend buying a fairly cheap bottle because, honestly, it usually turns out just as good.

Let it soak up ALL that liquid gold…

After that is completely absorbed just keep adding chicken broth until the risotto is the texture/cookedness that you want it to be. What you have to do is add about half a cup or so of chicken broth, let it completely absorb that, and then add another half cup of broth. It’s a very repetitive (somewhat long) process. I typically use one and a half to two of the broth boxes, but you should always have more on hand just in case.

(Side Note: Just be sure to stir the risotto very frequently the whole time you cook it cause the rice will stick -and then burn- very easily and quickly. Trust me.)

Step 4: The Simple Perfection and Deliciousness of Classic Risotto

Voila! You’ve made some AMAZING risotto. Just thank my Nonna; she’s a cooking goddess in grandmother’s clothing. Actually, she’s quite stylish… Anyway, enjoy!

In case you forgot, here is the basic proportions:

1 cup risotto: 1 1/2 cups wine: 1/4 onion

End Note: Fire is dangerous. Metal and fire is more dangerous. Don’t eat the entire pot of it by yourself, despite the MASSIVE temptation, because that will may not feel so pleasant later on. Just don’t do anything stupid, please? (And thank you.)

The Art of Waffles

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And in the morning…

I’M MAKIN’ WAFFLES!

But the real question is: are you? I have granted myself the title of “Waffle Wizard;” you can’t deny a truth like that. After spending the majority of my childhood using my siblings as professional taste-testers, I have almost (not quite) perfected the art of waffles. So, get ready for your tummy to grumble because this is going to be one tasty looking post!

What you need to make this masterpiece:

  • a waffle maker
  • measuring utensils
  • cooking oil (something to spray)
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 3/4 cups milk
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 2 tablespoons white sugar
  • 4 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 1/2 teaspoon almond extract (if you’re feeling adventurous)

Step 1: The Batter to Beat All Batters (Get it?)

The best part about this wet waffle mix is that you don’t have to add certain ingredients at different times. Just chuck it all in and stir!

If you’re feeling fancy mix the wet ingredients first, then pour them into the dry mix, and stir it all up.

Step 2: The Iron Preparation

Then heat your waffle maker. Mine has a red light turn off when it’s ready, but I have no clue what yours does… So you’re on your own with this part!

Before you pour (PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD) spray your waffle iron before something like the craftastrophe below happens. Your mom will simply watch you, amusingly disappointed, while you scrub and soak the iron for an hour straight. She will probably humorously wonder what the thousands of dollars spent on college is actually doing… But don’t let that discourage you!

A nice light spritz…

Wipe off the excess…

And voila, you’re ready to go!

Step 3: The Old Top and Pour

You can pick your toppings and you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your friends toppings. (Remember that! It will guide you through life.)

On the fine morning that I prepared these waffles, I chose pecans and banana slices.

Carefully pour an even amount of batter in the iron (remember that the batter will rise) and sprinkle your topping on the tippity tippity top!

I really like putting banana slices on top because they caramelize on top of the waffle perfectly… and look really pretty…

Close the hatch and just pray for the best! Open it in a minute or two and take it out when it has that gorgeous golden brown color.

Step 4: The Delicious Glory of a Job Done Perfectly

See how pretty they look? Ha, good luck recreating that utter perfection! (I’m kidding, really.)

End Note: Raw ingredients are not safe for consumption. Cratastrophes are always possible, despite what your big head thinks. Heated metal is very warm and very dangerous. You know the drill… (a.k.a. STOP, DROP, AND ROLLLLLL IT OUT)

The Art of Illumination

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This post begins our new segment on a spectacular new topic! Are you prepared? I really don’t think you are, which is great because we are going to prepare you. “Survival Crafts” is the name of the game! Not only will they be a fun weekend craft for your (and others’) enjoyment, but they will also help you get yourself all nice and ready for any sort of nuclear, viral, alien, and/or zombie apocalypse. Get excited!

Picture this: The darkness of night is slowly engulfing the desolate landscape around you. You’re tired! I mean, you habe spent all day running from zombies and desperate scavengers, right? Maybe you’ve managed to to swipe an orange from an unsuspecting victim? You’ve been reasonable about this whole “apocalypse” thing; you’ve kept your head (for the most part). But all you want to do right now is read your book or whittle some wood to ease your mind before you catch some shut eye! I mean, there are only so many worldly pleasures you still have the privilege of enjoying, right? You’re a smart cookie though, so don’t fret. You put together your apocalypse survival kit (link to come) before the first signs of chaos became apparent to even the most expertise of doomsday buffs! Thanks to this blog segment, you even have a few tricks up your sleeve. So while you’re up in that tree or hidden away somewhere safe, try out this little illumination trick…

What you will need to illuminate the night without drawing attention to yourself:

  • An Orange (which is also good for nutritional value)
  • A Knife (or various other sharp object)
  • Olive Oil
  • Man’s Red Flower (a.k.a fire – this is a Disney reference)

Step 1: The Orange Alteration

Time to get slicin’ and dicin’! Cut around the circumference of your orange (just barley beyond the peel). Don’t cut too deep or the next task may get a bit juicy.

Put your finger under the peel and free that fruit! Just wiggle it around under the surface of the orange until you can easily pull it off that entire half of the peel. Also, make sure you do this to both halves of your orange peel!

Now, place your orange in a safe location for later eating and pick up the peel that has a sort of fiber sticking up in the middle like an island in an empty lake. You’re going to want to keep this stem intact; it’s vital to your candle.

 Step 2: The Waxification and Illumination

Grab the olive oil that you so cleverly brought with you/stole. Fill your orange peel about half way, making sure to get some oil on the wick/stem itself.

Thanks to a little capillary action, the orange stem will suck the oil to the tip on its own! However, getting some oil on the wick will help you light it a bit more easily (and keep it lit a bit longer).

Hold the lighter/various form of fire to the tip of the wick. This will take a minute or two to catch so don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t light up immediately!

(A Tidbit of a Tip: If you are in a less dire situation (a.k.a. pre-apocalypse or even post-apocalypse) and are just doing this for a bit of amusement, you can add a different sort of oil to your orange peel to create a pleasant aroma! Take citrus infused oil, for example. You could just mix it up in some olive oil and BAM! You’ve got yourself an organic, eco-friendly, scented candle! However, I do not recommend this during an apocalyptic time period. Animals, humans, and various other things will undoubtedly be attracted by the smell, which would not be good for you in any way, shape, or form. Trust me.)

Step 3: A Little Ol’ Cap

This step really is not necessary, but it is beneficial! Creating a little cap will protect your candle from the wind and other elements. In addition, placing a cap on your candle could help you keep the light hidden from others so as to not draw attention to yourself as well as provide a sort of insulation that could potentially help warm your hands or body. Obviously, this simple candle has quite a bit of survival potential! Plus, it gives the candle an ever so attractive glowing effect.

Just take the other peel that was not used.

Then cut a larger hole on the top of it.

And plop it on top of your candle!

(Side Note: Make sure that this does not catch on fire because that is a very, VERY real possibility.

Step 4: The Satisfaction of a Little Lighting

Well look at that (Get it… Because it was dark… And now you can see… No? Okay.)! I find this to be a very ap-PEEL-ing form of illumination, don’t you? C’mon, guys! You have to appreciate the corniness that goes in to writing some of these posts. I mean, when the craft actually works out, there has to be something utterly craftastrophic about these posts. We need to be able to make light of the situation!

Okay, I think I’ve been flagged (my pun/joke limit is up). Enjoy your nifty craft! Be sure to stay away from decaying flesh, be cautious, and (most of all) be clever.

End Note: This is no laughing matter! The zombies may very well be coming, and you need to be protected… Speaking of protection: Don’t cut yourself with the knife; you are better than this! Fire is also a real, potential danger that you need to be protected from. Fire extinguishers are ALWAYS A+ in my book, so don’t fear them and their bulky appearance because they are your friend! Plus, they are a great makeshift weapon for when the time comes (*cough cough* ZOMBIES *cough cough*). In addition to fire extinguishers, friendly supervisors are also mui bueno. They could very well save you from a multitude of issues you come across (like zombies and/or various craftastrophes) that come along with reading this blog.

Stay safe and stay savvy, kids!

The Art of Old Flowers

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STOP! You see those flowers that you just got for Valentine’s Day (yes, the ones from your significant other… or, in my case, mother)? Well, don’t throw them away just yet! Once they start getting a bit old and crumbly, you have an opportunity in your midst. Have you ever seen pressed flowers? I assure you they can look quite classy when you know how to make them and what to do with them. There are a multitude of uses for dried flowers, but, for now, we’re going to focus on bookmarks.

What you need to fix up your own flowers:

  • Flowers
  • Scissors
  • Cardboard (or something of the sort)
  • Glue
  • Water
  • A Cup
  • Paper (to work on top of to keep the mess contained)
  • Tissue Paper
  • Tissues
  • Paintbrush
  • Glitter (if you’re feeling a little crazy)
  • A Little Dash of Excitement (to wash away any remaining Valentine’s Day blues)
  • A Collection of Some of Disney’s Finest (come on, you know you want to)

Step 1: The “Dry as Dust” Flowers

So, first things first, get yourself some flowers! You can pick them if you find any or use the ones you may have gotten (or even steal a few from a friend who may have had an actual admirer).

The only flowers that will work fo the bookmark are ones with small stems and thinner flowers. For example, roses are hard to use but small daisies work well. However, petals of larger flowers can be removed and used to form some neat designs.

When pressing, take the flower and place it on a tissue. Press the flower into the tissue in the fashion you desire. Press hard so it maintains the shape. Place another tissue on top and place it in a book. Place the book under more books for pressure and wait for about two to three weeks. Voila – pressed flowers!

(A Secondary Craft: If you have larger flowers, like roses, dry them off and hang them upside-down. With the stem above the actual flower, gravity creates pressure that allows all the moisture and nutrients to slowly move downward. This allows the flower petals to dry last, which maintains their color and shape. Hang these dried flowers around the room and on the walls – they make for a great decoration!)

Step 2: The Good Old Cut ‘n Glue Routine

Take your cardboard (or anything thicker than regular paper – I used a paper bag) and cut it into a strip that is about the size of a regular bookmark (big enough for your flowers to fit on.

If you used a paper bag like me, glue it so that it is as if it is only one piece of paper.

Take your glue and pour some into your cup along with some water (one part glue to three parts water) and then use your brush to mix it all up.

Brush your new mixture all over your bookmark paper/cardboard. Then, wrap your tissue paper over it in a neat, tight fashion.

Repeat this process until you are content with the thickness and consistency of your tissue paper. I used about 4 layers of tissue paper.

(A Tidbit of a Tip: Be sure to wrap the corners and edges, so that the cardboard is not exposed. It will dry out the bookmark too quickly and cause peeling.)

Allow for this to dry COMPLETELY before moving on to the next step! If you’re nearly as impatient as I am, then feel free to use an alternative drying source – sometimes time alone just doesn’t cut it. I used my makeup mirror because it gets hot, but hairdryers work well too!

Step 3: The Flower Placement and Covering

Place your dried flowers, petals, and leaves in the arrangement that suits your fancy.

Then glue each down individually with just the glue, not the mixture. I used the paintbrush because it was easier to use with the delicate materials I was working with. Be sure to press down firmly after applying the glue.

After all of the parts are glued, place a tissue over top of it and place it under a book to dry for a little while. When you take it out, it should be nicely flattened and firmed. If not, fix any messed up bits with that glue.

Dump your old glue mixture, and make a new one!  This time it will be three parts glue to one part water. Mix it up and paint over top of the entire bookmark – flowers and all (if desired, this would be the perfect time to add that bit of glitter). This will provide a nice semi-glossy consistent texture. You may actually want to let it dry and repeat this multiple times.

Step 4: The Satisfaction of a Classy Page Holder

Use it as a present or keep it for yourself! It doesn’t matter what you do with it – as long as you show it off!

End Note: Do not glue your fingers together. Do not glue your friends papers together. Do not eat the glue. Do not eat the glitter. Do not eat the flowers (unless told otherwise by a professional). Please, do not put anything in your mouth that is not explicitly meant to be there. Come on – you are more mature than this, people.

The Art of Wooing Your Valentine

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Yes, yes – wooing is in fact an art. Or at least, it had better be! Valentine’s Day is around the corner, folks, so prepare yourselves! Are you looking for a creative way to tell your significant other/crush/alone friend or family member that you love them? Are you also finally realizing how overrated buying a card is? Well then why not give your special someone a note in an origami heart!

(Side Note: This is also ideal for slipping a note into someone’s pocket, if you’re in secret admirer mode.)

What you will need to woo: 

  • Paper
  • Scissors (if you are bad at tearing)
  • Coloring Utensils (crayons are best, you will find out why later)
  • Fingers (preferably attached to something)
  • A Heart Full of Love (and ‘punny,’ artistic abilities)

Step 1: The Canvas Creation

Place a full length sheet of paper flat on a clean (landscape style).

 Fold it so that the lower left corner meets the upper paper line, making a traingle.

Tear off the strip of paper that is not part of your triangle.

Feel free to use scissors if you have them; otherwise you’ll get a product that looks like it was made by a two year old.

Take your new square and lay it flat.

Fold it in half and pinch the folded edge.

Open it, then fold it the other way in the same fashion.

Step 2: The Canvas Decoration

This part is up to you! Let your love shine through!

(A Tidbit of a Tip: The more this looks like a preschool student did this part the better. That makes the receiver feel all lovey-dovey and stuff, which is why crayons are recommended (the smell brings on some childhood nostalgia.)

Step 3: The Canvas Heartification

Keep your primary decorated side facing you. Fold the bottom up so that it meets the middle crease of your initial 2 folds.

Flip it over.

Fold the lower left corner up so that it forms a triangle with the center crease you made earlier.

Do the same to the other side.

Flip it over.

Bring the upper left side over so that it meets the middle crease line.

Do the same to the other side.

Take the upper left corner and fold that into the center crease line. That little bit that you just folded will become a triangle!

Do the same to the other side.

Take the top tip and bring it down to meet the bottom tip, as shown below. Don’t crease the edges just yet!

You have these two weird ear/pocket things at the top of your semi-folded diamond shape. Push the ears down so that the line within the ear lines up with the folded crease of your paper. Do the same to the other ear as well.

Open up your semi-folded diamond-ish shape and recognize the pocket at the bottom tip.

Stick the upper tip into the bottom pocket.

Then crease it, making sure your ears are folded the same way as before.

Fold the upper left corner so that it meets the flap of paper you pressed down, making a triangle.

Do the same to the other side.

You could just leave your heart like this, or you could take the extra step to fold each upper corners down to meet the line at the bottom of those two small triangles.

Step 4: The Instant Adoration of a Job Done with Love

Look – flip it over and admire your folding talent! You  just made a heart! Now just slap an “open me” on there somewhere (with more crayon of course), and give it away in the style of your choosing. Be flirtatious (unless it is a relative or completely platonic friend) and clever about it, folks! I wish you the best of luck…

To quote my last paper-oriented post…

End Note: Paper-cuts are a real problem plaguing the people of America. If gone untreated, they can leave horrid scars and stinging fingertips. If you or a loved one is suffering from a paper-cut please seek help immediately. Like many dire situations, paper-cuts can be avoided! So, be careful, don’t hurt yourself, and avoid the razor blade edges of that thin, deceptively-angelic, white substance.

The Art of Apple Pie

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All of the big holidays are over – I know it is very sad! But that does not, in any way, shape, or form, mean that you cannot enjoy a nice slice of America’s unofficial mascot. If you’re trapped in my boat (or dorm room), you wont have the readily available oven and/or apple pie supplies. If that’s the case, have no fear – just save the recipe for a later date despite the overwhelming cravings that this blog post might induce.

What you will need to quench your cravings:

  • 1 can of Pillsbury pie crust (if you’re in the mood to cheat)
  • 9 apples (peeled, cored, and sliced)
  • 2 1/2 tablespoons of all purpose flour
  • 1/4 teaspoon of salt
  • 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
  • 1/2 tablespoon of almond extract
  • 1/4 tablespoon of vanilla extract
  • the juice from 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 tablespoon butter
  • 1 tablespoon of milk
  • 1 egg
  • a pie dish
  • measuring tools
  • a wooden spoon
  • 1 large bowl and 1 small bowl
  • tin foil
  • a pastry brush
  • a fork
  • a knife (or scissors)

Step 1: The Apple Almondification

As the first step of baking typically goes, preheat your oven 415 degrees Fahrenheit.

Proceed to line your dish with the crust that you have purchased. Now, in terms of the apples, make sure there is not any skin left on them and be sure to cut them in fairly thick slices. Throw them in your very large bowl. Mix the apples with the lemon juice; this is going to prevent them from browning. After all the apples are thoroughly coated, add the flour, almond extract, vanilla extract, salt, and cinnamon right on top of them. Mix it all together with either your spoon or hands (I recommend the later.). Then, carefully pour your large bowl mixture into the pie crusted dish. Move the apples around so that they create an even filling, and do not worry if they are taller than the crust because it all bakes down!

Step 2: The Crustification

Take your second pie dough and lay it flat.

You have two options here: just throw it on top and poke some holes in it or to cut it into strips (with scissors or a knife) and make a sort of basket weave.

Either way your must make sure the edges are sealed tightly with your fork.

And voila! Now you have an uncooked pie. But wait – there’s more. Do you want a nice flaky, golden crust? Well look and learn, folks!

In your small bowl, pour in a tablespoon of milk. Separate the egg so that you only have the yolk left. This is easily done by breaking the egg in about half and gently pouring the yolk into one side of the egg shell (over the sink or garbage) after another until the egg white is gone.

Put the yolk in the little bowl with the milk and mix it all up!

With your pastry brush (or unused paint brush) and lightly coat the top of the pie. Be sure to get the edges pretty well and coated.

Now your pie is slimy and beautiful!

Step 3: The Filling of Your Room with Good Scents

Now chuck your pie (gently) into the oven for about 35 minutes with foil on top of it . After that time is up, take off the foil and leave it in the oven for about 10 more minutes (or until the top crust is a nice golden brown).

Step 4: The Delicious Satisfaction of a Job Well-Done

Look, you’ve done it! You just made a pie – I hope your proud. Now you can easily win over friends or coworkers, but be careful! This pie has more magical properties that you may think.

End Note:

Safety first (a.k.a. don’t fall into the oven)!