RCL- “Foster Care Children’s Cry Out For Help.”
There are millions of children who have been tossed around by the United States’ foster care system. Tossed around includes being moved into various homes, being assigned multiple different social workers, and for some, even having your name changed. Children in foster care are binded into the horrific faults of the system. They need people to fight for them since they cannot fight for themselves. Most foster children travel from home to home with very little connections following them. They need a lifeline to keep them going, but this is what millions of children are missing and it’s leading them down the wrong path. Giving these kids counseling and other resources that will act as an outlet for them to keep in touch with who they are could change their lives.
***Still working on thesis, any suggestions for narrowing it down?
Amana Seaton
-I think the title is suitable for what the main point of your paper is going to be about. It sets up the paper and helps echo’s the thesis.
-By you using phrases like “cry out for help” and laying out the chronological order of how foster care works shows the urgency of the issues. I also like your use of ethos; this will draw the attention and emotion of your readers.
-The thesis is clear and precise, when reading it I can understand that you’ll be focusing on how foster care kids need resources and therapy. I can see the direction in which you’re taking your paper.
Ainsley Spitz
1.) I like your title, but it may be a little informal for this piece. Maybe play around with making it a bit more polished
2.) I think you do a great job of explaining the exigence of your argument. It definitely makes the issue pressing. I think though, at least for the intro, it feels a little too casual. Almost too much like a story. I think it’s good to have those story elements in there, but there also needs to be facts or something a little more professional. Maybe it’s just the casual tone that’s throwing me off, though. Overall though, I thought it had good exigence.
3.) For most of your intro, it seems like you’ll be writing about the homes kids are placed into. Then, with your thesis, you start talking about counseling and other resources. Maybe narrow it down to just one or two? Either tackle the issue of the homes or the issue of counseling. This way, your thesis will be more specific and it will be easier to have a more specific issue brief.