Author: vme5055

~ Last Hurrah: A Mind Capsule ~

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This is the last passion blog I will write for RCL, and sadly, I am at a loss for words. I wanted it to be a bit special and memorable since this class and year in general has truly meant a lot to me. Getting to know all of you, whether this was done in a small way, like blogging comment sessions, or a big way, say through a video project that you spent wayyy too much time shooting and reshooting, has been a blessing (:

I took two tests today, and did a lot of other homework. The semester is quickly coming to a close, and although I am excited, this isn’t the way I thought it would end. Instead of getting to spend the summer with family after attending school everyday, I am already hidden away, starring at a screen, just like I would probably be doing for part of the summer. I don’t get to say goodbye to my friends from school formally. There won’t be any sort of last hurrah, a yay we made it through our first year at PSU!! Instead, I’ll have to pat myself on the back from the comforts of my own bed.

In an effort to keep this blog as low-maintenance as possible, I’m going to share some poems with you that I have written previously. I hope some of them will be topical and pertinent to the current situation, whether it be due to these capricious circumstances, or not. I’m going to begin with a poem that can be interpreted in many ways. Maybe it’s about breaking the barriers in one’s own mind and reaching success. Maybe it’s about grappling with anxiety and depression. Maybe it’s about coming to terms with a part of one’s identity. Or maybe, it’s about breaking free of a physical restraint or uncertainty, like the coronavirus:

 

Display

 

View me at a distance like a museum display 

Be thankful that my painted smile has no choice but to stay

For the world I sit up tall, a strong and slender silhouette 

So poised and picturesque, for a moment, I almost forget

 

When the lights dim down and the esteemed critics go to bed

I let my shoulders slouch, and the memories flood my head

They’ll all be back, I know, the moment I awake

And I’ll have to be ready then, but now, make no mistake

 

I am remembering and regretting and plotting my revenge

All while piecing together the best way to make amends

Attempt to retire my heart with feelings put on hold

So I can play theirs like the winning hand, first spades, hearts, then fold

 

And when the lights come up on that fateful day, when I’m finally ready

I’ll break right out of my display, head held twice as steady 

For then, my smile will widen, no need to hide in plain sight

And home is where I’ll go, home to bed, that glorious night

 

This next poem is one I wrote in preparation for high school graduation, but I think it is also worthy of sharing here. It states a lot of truths about my classmates as a whole that I can sincerely say also applies to all of my classmates in RCL:

 

Alright

 

We are hello

We are goodbye

We are who we are

And that’s alright 

I must depart 

We all diverge

And I can’t tell

Whether it will hurt

But maybe now 

We’ll find ourselves

When we are forced 

To walk alone

And maybe now

We’ll find ourselves

In love and loss

We’ve already known

But maybe that’s 

What life’s about

Change is tough

But we tough it out

I learn to be strong

I learn how to fight

I learned what was wrong 

But I know what’s right

We all wake up

We all lay down

And I don’t know how

But I’ll surely find out 

All that’s left

Is to silence my mind

Silence my heart 

And hope to do fine

Cause you and them

And they and I 

Are capable

Worthy 

Strong 

And bright

I’ve seen it before 

And that makes it

Alright

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed those poems, and you have an amazing rest of the school year, and an even better summer. Remember to be safe, but also remember that you are capable of the world, and given the opportunity, when this is all over, we will conquer this and many more challenges to come. Thank you so much for reading this post, and as always, until next time (:

~ Global Scoop #3: I Know Best: Monarchies to Dictatorships ~

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If you’ve ever taken a world history class, you know that the idea of democracy is relatively new. In fact, the very notion of individual liberties or the common good, as seen in democratic and collectivist cultures respectively, stemmed from a more traditional idea of power, based on lineage or seizing of a throne. Monarchies were present in many European countries before continental America was “discovered.” Regular citizens of a particular country or town were unlikely to challenge someone’s royal status, which was often passed down generationally and based on the luck of blood relations alone.

Without a moral code or clear direction in mind, especially in their early stages, positions of authority were heavily abused by those who were lucky enough to inherit them. In the process of gaining absolute, or even “divine” power, some rulers opted to impose a stricter set of rules that were arguably more beneficial to them individually than anyone else. A famous example of this was King Louis XVI and his wife, Marie Antoinette, who prompted the French Revolution by refusing to do anything about French citizen’s extreme poverty, while living a lavish lifestyle cooped up in their fancy castle.

The colors indicate level of freedom: green is free, yellow is semi-free, and purple indicates low levels of freedom (dictatorship)

Abuses of power include, but are not limited to, censorship of the press, giving special treatment to a few while ignoring the masses or a certain group, hoarding resources for oneself, not allowing civil liberties such as access to the internet or leisure time, and essentially acting on a whim without any sort of constitution or guidance. When these factors come into play, and there are no outside governing bodies to prevent it, monarchy quickly morphs into a Dictatorship. These rulers often play a political game to keep from being overthrown by any means necessary; through censorship, propaganda, forcing votes, and threats of severe punishment or death should they be challenged.

It is important to keep in mind that many of these countries have since modified their governments to give more weight to democratic systems, such as Parliament in the U.K. Parliament has actually been around since 1215, but it was not required for a ruler to consult both houses of Parliament when drafting a new law until 1414 when Henry V assumed the throne. Even still, the final decision was up to the ruler. It was not until 1928 that both men and women had the right to vote through the Representation of the People Act, and the country as a whole was then considered to be democratic in nature.

As of 2019, there were about 42 monarchies, most of which are currently at least semi-democratic, in the sense that they also have a Constitution-like document, a Prime Minister or President, and some other governing body like Parliament. These are deemed Constitutional Monarchies, Semi-Constitutional Monarchies, and Commonwealth Realms (Constitutional Monarchies that are also part of a union). Countries include the U.K., Canada, Australia, and Japan.

The map indicates countries with monarchies: red indicates commonwealth monarchies, and blue comprises all other monarchy types

Additionally, there are still 7 absolute monarchies where the ruler has all of the power unquestionably. These countries include Qatar, Saudi Arabia, Oman, and Brunei. In Saudi Arabia, Shariah Law, or Islamic practices, are treated as the formal statures for behavioral standards of citizens. Punishments for disobedience include public beheadings, stoning, or lashing.

As of 2020, there are currently close to 50 dictatorships, with an absolute ruler and minimal freedom. These countries include Russia, North Korea, Venezuela, Iran, Iraq, and Turkey. North Korea is among the strictest and most brutal, severely limiting access to personal belongings, internet access, and leisure time. Conscription into the military is mandatory for all men aged 15 through age 30, and is selectively required for some women as well. Additionally, if you are born and raised in North Korea you are generally not allowed to leave the country, even just to travel. There are also many rules about outsiders visiting the country, and visitors are generally advised not to do so, because the threat level is so high.

The main difference between a monarchy and a dictatorship is whether leadership is just or a ruler intimidates citizens and abuses their power

As Americans, it is our job to be aware of the state of our world, even in regards to countries whose approach to government may be wildly different from ours. It is not productive to judge these nations based on their political practices, rather, we should learn what we can from the way they operate. What is the value of our freedom? How might we relate to these individuals and accept them into our communities should they visit or move here? Do we share core values such as religion, dedication to a cause, or a belief that despite our circumstances, things can get better?

It is easy to believe we are superior, unique, or non-traditional, and other countries simply have some catching up to do, but it is unlikely that an individual born and raised in such a society would think the same way. I ask all of you as readers to simply be aware of these differences (and similarities) when speaking to someone new. Globalization is upon us, if not in reality, through the media and other outside sources. Let’s arm ourselves and be prepared for the future, wherever it may lead us. Thank you so much for reading this post, and until next time (:

~ Reminisce: State of Remission ~

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The days are truthfully all starting to blend together, and many days I feel almost shackled to the floor in my grandparent’s basement, more specifically, to the bed, which has become both my sleeping space and my workspace these past few weeks. I’m actually a bit relieved that nobody will be reading this blogpost, as I don’t really have anything new and exciting to add that I haven’t already mentioned. It’s interesting how fast and slowly time can seem to pass, all at once.

I think my biggest takeaway, the more I feel I am forced to hunker down and work, sleep, repeat, is how similar these times are to my state of mind a few years ago, when life felt directionless. By no means am I in a depressive state, I am very happy and I feel safe here, it’s just that I can see some striking similarities between the two that are hard to ignore. I am in bed most of the time, my mind is blank besides what I have to get done. I am anxious about completing assignments that seem arbitrary in the grand scheme of things, and I am waiting for an epiphany; a moment where all of this is somehow explained by the universe so I can be at peace.

I’ve been trying to stay away from the news, and strikingly, away from conversations (and consequently, people) who tend to only talk about the virus. It’s not that I don’t recognize the gravity of the situation, or that I’m in a state of denial, I just don’t feel the need to hear the newest update, or the latest person who died. It gets to be repetitive, overwhelming, and simply unnecessary negativity to consistently take in. I realize this may be a controversial opinion, but that’s just how I see it. We can’t cure it right now, we can’t prevent the spread (beyond social distancing) so why does society insist on torturing itself with information?

The other day, I accidentally deleted all of my old emails, which without my knowledge, also deleted many of the notes in my note’s app, which just so happens to be where I write a lot of my poems. Thankfully, I have copies of a lot of these elsewhere, but still, the notepad feels sad and empty. I miss brimming with ideas and being unable to contain my urge to write something down, but it seems this state left me somewhere over the years, along with my childhood enthusiasm, and I would like both of those back, thank you very much.

I’m sorry if these posts seem more like a rant than an inspirational monologue nowadays, but don’t our minds operate that way naturally? If anything, I think it’s imperative to drop eloquent language and just let whatever you type fall where it may. It’s the only reason I ever have anything to say in these posts. I think I don’t, I sit down and begin, and what do you know? I do.

In the spirit of wanting to be young again (and I know I’m 19, and that’s still young, but hold on) I wrote a poem about youthful enthusiasm that I think all of us experience at some point. My time to be young felt especially short considering how fast I seemed to mature mentally, and it’s crazy how what once was can seem so far away. I hope you enjoy the melancholy state of remembrance as much as I do:

Youth

Youth, exuberant youth

I miss you more than you know

I want to dance on every raindrop

And frolic through the meadow

I want to believe in fairytales

Trust with open arms

Be mystified by starry skies

And deal in lucky charms

Miss having friends by my side

Slides and swings and free time

Baths and crafts and laughs

Snowball fights and bike rides

I want secrets at recess

Walks on the hill

Who likes who

Oh what a thrill!

I want dreams so far away

They still seem within reach

Coaches who love to coach

And teachers who love to teach

Took for granted all the days

You were by my side

Now happiness is so fleeting

Innocence so hard to find

Older I get the more I doubt

Find holes in my own plan

Took who I knew I was

Back when I thought ‘I can’

And smeared her all around

In a puddle of my own tears

Remembering all of my many

Truthful, youthful years

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I called my childhood best friend a few days ago. I mentioned her in a blog last semester. She lives and goes to school in Canada, and we both lead busy lives, so we rarely have time to talk. Now, because of the virus, she is home in State College for a bit, and even though I can’t see her, in a way, this whole situation brought us together, and that in itself gives me hope that there is a silver lining to both the virus and getting older after all (: Until next time, hope you have an amazing day!

~ Home Away From Home ~

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Welp, it’s official!! I’ve moved into my grandparents house and will likely be here until the end of the Coronavirus reign. I can’t say I have much new to report on beyond the fact that it’s kinda nice down here, away from other distractions. Like I said before, the introvert in me is loving this peaceful alone time, but let’s hope that’s enough to sustain me for the next few months.

My grandparents and I before my senior prom (:

The way my grandparent’s house is set up is actually perfect for a situation like this, because the basement is basically an entire mini-apartment without a kitchen. There are three beds all lined up; two fulls and a queen in the middle. I would’ve chosen the biggest, but for some reason I prefer the one closest to the far wall (maybe because it has an outlet and a nightstand nearby).

We’ve slept over here plenty of times growing up, mostly when our parents were out of town (we being my brother and I). I have good memories spending one or two nights here, upstairs eating ice cream on the couch watching TV, or playing family games at Christmas and Easter at the dining room table with all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Even now, the faces of all of these people watch over me from the walls as I sleep. My grandma keeps a collage of family photos on the wall, right next to her collection of Polish Pottery.

Gino resting his little head on me (:

While it does suck to remain isolated except for a short excursion to a drive-through to get food (we had KFC the other night) or to go to work, I have found ways to make the most of my time. I went for two walks this week, one with Gino (my grandma’s adorable Yorkie) and one without him. It was nice to just get out and breathe some fresh air. The fact that it’s getting a bit warmer out always lifts my spirits, even if we’re mostly shut inside.

In case whoever’s reading is curious how life working at a supermarket during these crazy times is, let me tell you, it’s twice as tiring. Wegmans has implemented a ton of policies to keep everyone safe, which includes spraying the conveyor belt down between every transaction, telling customers to stand back (usually more than once because they forget) and letting them come forward only to pay. There’s also a limit on certain items and a lot of people don’t read the signs. Being a cashier is already a demanding, labor intensive job, and now it is even more so.

Another thing that makes these interactions harder is how on edge everyone seems to be. I find myself wondering what the customers are thinking, if they are afraid I have the virus, or if any of them have it. I try to be courteous and I always ask how their day is beyond the circumstances, but it is hard to sustain small talk quite like we used to, especially when we have to enforce certain rules. Nonetheless, I love my job, and it has given me the opportunity to get out of the house and see other faces, especially my coworkers, who help keep me sane.

About two nights ago, not going to lie, I had a mental breakdown for seemingly no reason at all. The whole day, I felt overwhelmed, I couldn’t bring myself to do my schoolwork, I felt miserable and life seemed hopeless, even though I knew it wasn’t. I think it’s important to keep in touch with one another during these trying times, and lift each other up, rather than being worried or wary of others, try to see them as a human, not a potential threat.

I’m very guilty of staying quiet, and letting others come to me, but in times like these, I realize that it is in reaching out that we are able to remain connected, lighthearted, and strong. I encourage whoever is reading this to tell someone today how much they mean to you, out of the blue. It will mean more to them than you know, and probably make you feel closer to them and happier, too.

Unfortunately I don’t have a poem for this week, but hopefully some inspiration will hit me soon. This free time may be the perfect opportunity for it to strike. As always, thanks so much for reading, and I hope you have an amazing rest of the day (:

~ Issue Brief Topic Overview ~

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As much as I would like to cover the Coronavirus, I feel it is the obvious choice and will probably be covered extensively in the coming weeks by both individuals in this class and elsewhere. That being said, I am still interested in the health and well-being of individuals, and as a psychology major, I tend to like to focus on mental health.

One thing I don’t think is talked about enough is childhood trauma, especially as it pertains to familial structures. I feel there is a lack of support from the surrounding community, the government, and other legal systems in regards to extracting individuals from these potentially life-threatening or psychologically damaging situations, especially for minors who have no say in the matter. I think the cause of this is mostly inadvertent and mechanical. People often turn a blind eye to these issues unintentionally because they don’t want to interfere, they believe it isn’t their place, or they don’t know how to help. The mechanical aspect comes in when the criminal justice system remains biased an inconsistent from case to case and judge to judge.

This topic is close to my heart, as I was raised in a tumultuous and emotionally manipulative and abusive household, with threats of violence and little sense of stability. Due to this, it took many years for me to get my mental health under control, resulting in alternating anxiety and depression that affects me at times to this day, even though many of my previous stressors have been eliminated for quite some time. There are many people who have it way worse than I did, with regular physical abuse or extreme neglect.

Therefore, I would like my issue brief to center on policies that enact more avenues for easier access to resources for families, especially minors, without the interference of other authority figures unless the family opts for this, or it is a dire emergency. This could be done on a local level, in schools where teachers inform their students that they can ask for help, or even at a school assembly where common threats are discussed, and then children are asked to come forward at a later time if they are dealing with these issues and would like counseling or other resources. Each school could be required to set aside a few hours on a particular day, perhaps inviting a speaker who is also a mental health professional. This would serve as a capacity builder, educating both school faculty and children on what to look for in their own home or among their peers.

As for the mechanical issues with the criminal justice system, more care needs to be taken to base the decision not just on those 18 and older, but all individuals involved. In my opinion, as soon as you are willing and able to offer your voice to a discussion, you should have that right, and that includes standing in trial if need be. Also, judges that handle familial cases should all be on the same page. They should be placing the needs and safety of children before the “right for parental visitation.” For these issues to be addressed, there would need to be major system changes.

I hope I’ll be able to do this issue justice. It’s really important to me, so I’m willing to put in the research and the time and energy necessary (:

 

 

~ Home Alone: Isolation Adjustment Post ~

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Well, this week I don’t have to worry about having nothing to talk about, or no time to sit and write what’s on my mind. Right now I’m still in my pjs. I didn’t wake up until 10 am, and didn’t start schoolwork until an hour ago (it’s now almost 3pm). While the introvert in me is loving all of this downtime, and it wasn’t hard for me to transition since I already live at home, I can assure you, life has been anything but smooth sailing. On that note, let’s address the elephant in the room: the coronavirus and the feelings of stress, loneliness, or even panic that comes with it.

As many of you know, I work at the Wegmans in State College, which is deemed an essential business, since everyone needs food to survive. So far, my coworkers and managers have been trying to stay optimistic about coming in to work everyday, since we really don’t have any other choice. I’ve been working there for over a year now, made some close friends with other cashiers, spent countless hours earning my way through training to cashier in different departments, you get the picture. I even recently applied for a four year scholarship through the store that would help immensely paying for school (fingers crossed on that one).

Needless to say, I don’t want to quit my job. I’m one of those people that settles in somewhere and stays until it isn’t an option anymore. I like to build up loyalty and trust and remain reliable for those I care about. I value stability. Some might think it’s silly that I’d risk going in during this outbreak for around 10 dollars an hour, but it’s much more than that at the end of the day.

A somewhat cringe-worthy picture of me in my Wegmans uniform (:

My mom has decided, however, that if I continue working at Wegmans, she doesn’t want me to live at home until this outbreak clears out. So over the last few days, I’ve packed my bags and I’ll be living at my grandparent’s house until further notice. It’s been a bit hard for me to respect their decision, as I view it as irrational and overbearing. Sending me away to individuals who are older does not seem like the best decision, seeing as those are the people who are most high risk. My mom is afraid that my brother, Tyler, who has Crohn’s disease and is therefore immunocompromised, will catch the virus from me if I were to get it. So I guess, in a way, I am being pre-quarantined by my own family.

Let’s not forget that it’s spring in State College, and the weather will be perfect for hikes like these!!

The media is certainly good at telling us not to panic while preceding to shove the information down our throats and make it hard to ignore, which results in panic. I am by no means minimizing the severity of this issue, I take it very seriously and I will be doing everything I can to stay safe during all this, washing my hands, using hand sanitizer, and taking a shower when I get home.

I don’t know how long I’ll be away from my own house, possibly a few months, maybe more. I’m writing this and putting it out there for you all so you know that if your family is also panicking, you aren’t alone. Things aren’t always black-and-white, and sometimes there isn’t a right answer, but we will get through it.

This poem is kind of random and isn’t entirely related, but in the spirit of getting more sleep, or the freedom to stay up later and sleep in (in my case) I’d like to share a poem I wrote a few years ago about that blissful, quiet state when you’re snuggled up in bed, just before drifting off. I hope you enjoy (:

 

Restless

What is sleep?

I love the silence

Never dream anyway

The thoughts I keep

Acts of defiance

Finally slip away

 

Woe is me

Alone in the dim

Under the starry sky

Covers are free

Out on a limb

Kiss my worries goodbye

 

Weight of the world

Lift with vengeance

Seek solitude and peace

Pages unfurled

Solace, presence

Tell me

What is sleep?

 

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Wishing you all a smooth sailing time at home, not only with your family, but with yourself and your own thoughts. We can get through this if we seek to be supportive and loving as opposed to divided and panicked. Also, not sure who will be reading this, but if anyone wants to talk (: let me know!! Thank you so much for reading and as always, see ya next time.

 

~ Typical Tuesday: Chaos Meets Mindfulness ~

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Well friends and classmates, we have arrived at the last class before spring break. This is the last assignment standing between myself and lying in bed for a week and a half guilt-free, perhaps finishing Pokemon Ultra Moon, (finally) and definitely sleeping in every single day. Also, I’m telling myself I’ll make it to the gym almost every day as well, but we’ll see how that goes.

Ironically, when I first sat down to write this, I couldn’t think of any monumental week events. Everything sort of blended together. Then I went to my calendar and started writing down what I did this week and oh boy, let me just tell you, it was a lot. I selected one particularly chaotic day, Tuesday, to recount and hopefully provide some insightful commentary on.

This is what I like to tell myself when things go wrong (:

It started off simple enough, with Statistics class, followed by my last test before break, which happened to be for Criminology class, and then a walk to the Hub to kill time before my last class of the day. As soon as I make it to the Hub and sit down, however, I realize all of the cards that usually reside in the stick-on wallet on the back of my phone had fallen out of not only the wallet but also my raincoat pocket. This isn’t just my student ID we’re talking about here, this is a debit card, my license, my medical insurance card, everything.

So I do what any sane person does, and retrace my steps from the Hub to the testing center not one, not two, but five times. I also go into the testing center and ask the ladies at the desk (holding back panicked tears) if anyone has turned them in. No such luck. By this point I am having an internal anxiety attack, but I keep my composure.

My last class is fast approaching and eventually I give up and show up to that class, my mind wandering to who has all of my information. In the middle of my sulking, I get an email on my open laptop from an unfamiliar email address. The Hub information desk lists all of my cards and says they have been turned in and I can pick them up anytime. My anxiety subsides almost as quickly as it had rushed over me. Moral of the story: get an actual wallet, lol.

Tuesday night my family also went to Penn State’s last men’s home basketball game. I endured a torrential downpour to walk from central campus to the BJC, without an umbrella, but it was worth it. The team ended up pulling far ahead in the first half, then losing steam and ultimately succumbing to Michigan by a few points in the second. However, getting to spend even a few hours with my family after being so busy with school is always a win.

Devon (left) and some of his OLV Hoops teammates in a high-five tunnel for Penn State basketball players

After the game, my little brother, Devon, and many other first to fifth graders who participate in Hoops, a basketball program run by my old elementary school, OLV, got to scrimmage on the Penn State court wayyyy past their bedtimes. I was even yawning profusely at that point, but it was super cute to see them all having such a good time getting their jerseys signed by some of the players, and pretending to be just like them.

My mind wandered to how full-circle this moment was for me, seeing my little brother follow in my footsteps and participate in the same program that sparked my interest in basketball for many years, while sitting in a seat at a Penn State arena, a school which I am now old enough to attend. Time is flying by so fast and it’s these little moments that make everything leading up to this point, even losing my entire identity apparently, worth it.

Maybe I’ll never get to return to when life was simple, but perhaps I can ensure the life I’m living is one I want to live instead. Mindfulness is a scientifically proven psychological technique that helps not only calm anxiety, but remind us of what truly matters in the present. Here’s a short poem about savoring the moment to hopefully kickstart your spring break as well as mine:

 

My Path

I wanted my path to be linear

Didn’t account for twists and turns

Forgot to plan for when the wind blows

And the fire forgets to burn

 

I wanted the road to be smooth

Wanted to feel out every bump

And avoid every blockade

Before it even came up

 

But reality doesn’t allow

Perfection for perfection’s sake

Reality wants you to capitalize

On victories as well as mistakes

 

I found myself stuck in a rut

Blinded, thinking ten steps ahead

I should’ve been smelling the roses

I should’ve been living instead

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now go out there and have a fantastic spring break!! Remember that you deserve time off from your work, you are not wasted space when you take time to yourself, and you will come back twice as amazing once you’ve taken some much needed time to rest. P.S. those are all things I needed to hear myself, so I thought I’d pass them on to you too (: And as always, thank you so much for reading my post, and see ya next time!!

 

~ Reflection on Deliberations ~

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On Sunday, March 1st, from 3 to 4:30 pm and 5 to 6:30 pm respectively, I attended two deliberations. The first was my group’s deliberation, entitled Babies “R” Us, which focused on the moral, economic, and safety concerns that come with the genetic modification of an unborn child. This procedure can be done in order to prevent genetic disorders, or to alter genes that code for favorable traits such as intelligence, strength, or appearance. The second deliberation was entitled Sentenced to Rehabilitation, and focused on providing prisoners with the resources they need to not only serve their sentence, but improve as people, so they are better able to reintegrate into society after their release.

I’m not going to lie, initially I was a bit worried that our deliberation wouldn’t be as amazing as it turned out to be. We all seemed enthusiastic about our topic, but I wasn’t sure if the formalities of the event would bog down our ability to speak openly about the issue. However, the three approaches went phenomenally well, everyone was given a change to speak, and I think almost everyone in the room spoke at least once. Even further, everyone seemed to bounce ideas off each other in such a way that the conversation built and unfolded naturally. Our consideration of other’s ideas and our respect for each other as people really shined through. It was evident that we had known each other a while prior to this, as the rapport that had built up over the last semester really seemed to pay off. Even those who attended our deliberation that were not a part of our class fit right into the group dynamic, which was pretty cool to see.

Beyond the social aspects, our analytic process was also intelligently formulated, and I can see now why a deliberation with such extensive preparation is extremely valuable. As for creating an information base, team overview (go my team!!) allowed anyone who wanted to share a personal stake to do so, and it was awesome to learn more about people I had already grown close to as it pertained to this issue. The approaches also did an amazing job providing background and questions to facilitate the conversation. Early on, we established that most of the group favored allowing parents the option to genetically modify their children to prevent genetic disorders. This was originally supposed to be the basis for the entire discussion, but because that was the best decision possible in our eyes, we were able to move on to discussing how that policy would be put in place, and whether cosmetic modification should be an option. It was in weighing these pros and cons that I believe we shined the most.

Not only were we able to discuss safety and economic divides, but we were able to reimagine a hypothetical world where unbound genetic modification is a reality. By magnifying the idea so closely in our minds, the pros and cons became much more obvious. While we didn’t reach a final consensus on these further issues, I feel we definitely further educated ourselves by pushing the boundaries of our current ideas. Overall, I am so proud of our efforts as a group and proud that my tendency to remain silent in large, formal social situations did not prevent me from speaking multiple times (: Also, shout out to the bioethics professor, how cool is it that we were able to touch on so many professional topics in lay person terms?

As for the second deliberation, I thought it was nice that they went around in a circle at the beginning and gave everyone a chance to state their personal stake. I’ll admit I didn’t talk much during this deliberation but it gave me a chance to take notes and really listen to what was being said. The juxtaposition between ideas in this deliberation was much stronger than in our deliberation, particularly when discussing giving prisoners the right to vote. While it seemed the majority of the group was for this idea, a few individuals introduced some pretty convincing cons as well. Everyone managed to handle this in an extremely professional way, and I think a bit of backlash was just what this discussion needed to get everyone talking even more. As for education and mental health rehabilitation, everyone seemed to be on the same page about its importance for prisoners, so this discussion was more focused on resource management.

Overall, I had an amazing time at both deliberations. Two in a row, in hindsight, may have fried my brain a little, but in a good way. I’m definitely thankful for this opportunity, as I’ll be much more confident returning to this formal discussion setting in the future thanks to this experience. It also made me feel super professional and smart, and reiterated that our class is just that (: And that’s a wrap.

~ Love is Fleeting: Valentine’s Day Recap ~

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My friends Torie, Greta, and I from high school prom (:

I had plans last Friday, Valentine’s Day, to spend the evening alone in my room, eating chocolate I bought myself, watching Youtube room makeover/beauty videos, living my best life. For many people, myself included, this day brings that slight twinge of loneliness all single people feel to the forefront, and to mask that, I like to treat myself to some me time.

It was a somewhat stressful, busy day at school. I had arrived home from my four classes on edge, very eager to relax and spend time with the family before my time to myself. My mom always insists on getting my brothers and I small gifts, normally just chocolate, but this year it was something else. My little brother, Devon (8), had also expressed interest in playing a family game.

My friend Greta from high school that now also attends PSU had invited me to go out with her to a party that night. Not much of a partier to begin with, and mildly exhausted already, I was thankful I had an excuse to turn her down. She enthusiastically responded that family comes first and to have fun, and I thanked her. Had I known what would happen next, I may have thought differently.

It all started when my grandfather called to ask if I had my tax forms that my mom had been saving for me. No big deal, the deadline is April 15th to file, but I was worried that if I didn’t ask my mom for the forms now, I would forget to and miss this deadline. So I rush downstairs to the kitchen and ask, and my mom becomes mildly agitated that I popped the question when she was busy cooking dinner.

On top of this, she asked me to drive my cousin, who also attends PSU, to my grandparent’s house for a family dinner they were holding that we would all attend for his birthday next week. I tell her I will not be able to make it there on time, as my classes end at 4:30 and the dinner starts at 5. I park all the way in the commuter lot, so it is a trek just to walk to the car, much less pick someone else up. We are all tired and mildly annoyed, and naturally, this starts a huge family fight.

They tell me I’m being unreasonable and never want to help out. I tell them I just want my tax forms and that their expectations of me are unrealistically high. This is all done in not so nice words as opposed to the eloquent language I’m using now. You get the picture.

Fuming, I go upstairs to take a shower. I decide I’m not going to stick around for a family game. I’m going out. I text Greta and tell her I’ll meet her downtown. I expect my mom to be overprotective, even more so now that she’s mildly upset. I start to plan in my head how I’ll sneak out.

A candid picture of Greta from a class trip to Hershey Park, courtesy of my questionable photography skills

I’m in the shower, and I hear a ping from my phone. I ignore it until I dry off and get dressed in something a bit out of my comfort zone. In the back of my mind, I’m hoping I meet Prince Charming or Princess Jasmine and run somewhere far away to live happily ever after away from all worries. I know we’re going to a house party and its understood there are casual hookups only and my dreams are futile, but still. My mind wanders.

The message was from my mom. She apologizes before I do. The text says “I’m sorry, can we be friends?” I rush back downstairs, wearing a coat to hide the low-cut shirt I have on.

I give her a hug and I apologize too. I never got my gift because of this whole ordeal, I hadn’t even eaten dinner. Devon and my mom watch as I open a brand new shirt with matching earrings. I heat dinner up and eat it. My mom asks where I’m going and she just tells me to be careful.

I had been expecting the absolute worst, but I felt the reigns loosen. I felt the love return. I went out with Greta, met some drunk people she called friends. Still hate parties, but just talking with her, even surrounded by strangers, improves my mood even more.

I drive myself home that night and arrive at around 1 am. I have work in the morning at Wegmans and I know I need sleep. I never did get to watch Youtube in bed alone. I didn’t eat a single piece of chocolate. I didn’t even play a family game. But I was not alone on Valentine’s Day. It was nothing like I pictured, and oddly, it was better than that.

Despite the flaws I may face in my everyday life, it continues to surprise me. I realized that I don’t need anyone else to fulfill some desire for attention, but I am also not alone. I learned that I shouldn’t always expect the worst, because what I anticipate is likely far from reality. Living life spontaneously may get you into trouble, but it is absolutely essential sometimes.

No, I didn’t live a fairytale. No, it wasn’t everything I wanted. But at the end of the day, I felt loved. And that’s all anyone can ask for on a day like Valentine’s Day.

First and foremost, take care of yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. Life and love will come to you. It may take time. I know I’m still waiting. My relationships, romantic or not, are imperfect, but they are strong.

In the spirit of spontaneity, here’s a poem I wrote a while back. It seems this is a lesson I’ve been relearning throughout my life, and I truly may never get over, being a hopeless planner. But anyways, I hope you enjoy (:

 

Wonder

Wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to wonder
Where I’d end up and if it was right
Then I could relax and focus on success
And get exponentially more sleep at night

Wouldn’t I be happier if life was a gift
To unwrap, with a silver bow
And I had it, right here in my own hands
No questions asked, I’d just know

That everything was made for me
Exactly to my tastes
Without having to find what they are
Without any time to waste

And I’d travel and see the world
Just as I’d pictured it’d be
A part of the breathtaking beauty
Foretold in the magazines

Simplicity is easily
What everyone dreams is theirs
But if life was mapped out for me
There wouldn’t be a reason to care

And as much as I love getting up
At 11 am to a schedule- free day
There’s a certain wonder and excitement
In mystery and making a way

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed reading about my chaotic Valentine’s Day fiasco, and it possibly made you feel a little better about your own. I know I had fun recapping it, lol. As always, thank you to whoever took the time to read this, you da best (: see ya next time!

~ Global Scoop #2: We Are One For The Benefit of Many ~

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Recognizing that all I am about to say is purely speculation from the outside, today I will be attempting to cover countries where the overarching theme is collectivism, or in other words, where government officials (and oftentimes individual citizens as well) make most of their decisions based on what has been decided to be the “common good” as opposed to emphasizing individual liberties (as we saw with the U.S. last week). Here is a summary of collectivism if you want additional definitions. 

These cultures tend to focus a lot on community building, unity, togetherness, morals and values, upholding tradition, and honoring family, work, and friend dynamics. It’s not to say that other cultures don’t also engage in these acts everyday, but in countries like China, Japan, Brazil, and India, the desire to be there for others in a time of need, even if it means dangerously high levels of self-negligence, is especially prominent.

There are definite upsides to this notion. For many individuals living in collectivist cultures, family comes first. You don’t miss a monumental life milestone for a loved one, even extended family. It is considered extremely rude, immoral, and even dishonorable. Children in these family dynamics are supported well into adulthood, and these same children will take in elderly family members when they can no longer take care of themselves, no questions asked.

In the same way, any organized group to which a person subscribes will become a part of them, they will absorb it fully and they will present themselves as a collective “we” as opposed to a singular “I.” When friendly competition presents itself, the performance of any single individual will reflect the group as a whole, so there is often at least twice as much pressure to perform well. This can lead to much higher levels of achievement if the individual can rise to the occasion. In case you’re curious, here is a write-up about some key differences between Japan and the U.S.’ education system (spoiler alert, both are prestigious, but Japan’s is much more vigorous and selective).  

Darker = higher levels of collectivism

There are many joys that living for others can bring you, but there are inevitably some bumps along the way. A strong sense of self and an adequate self-esteem is often viewed as a necessity before helping others effectively can be achieved. With that in mind, let’s examine some of the potential pitfalls of a collective society:

Neglect of self, whether intentional or unintentional, can lead to complications when traumatic experiences leave an impact that an individual cannot process without asking for help. Mental disorders are often viewed as a personal weakness that is shameful and should simply be self-assessed or repressed, but that is not always enough to adequately treat these issues. High levels of outside pressure mixed with an inability to let off stream is a recipe for disaster, and can lead to higher levels of anxiety, depression, and higher suicide rates. Here is a mental health statistics website broken up by country. 

Inequity in workplace/social/political dynamics are also tolerated more readily due to the fact that little value is placed on the self. If you are a sweatshop worker in China, for example, you may feel at times you are fatigued and overworked, but it is unlikely that you will rebel against a system that an outsider (like us) would deem unethical because from a collectivist viewpoint, your job is to assist society, not rise the ranks yourself. You may even view your role, no matter how insignificant, as honorable and treat it as your duty to uphold this role to the best of your ability. This website shows that power distance is especially high in China, yet self indulgence and individualism is extremely low. (I’ve also included links to the other country’s pages above).

And finally, in collectivist cultures, individual pleasures are often viewed as a waste of time. While they are not forbidden and people certainly do have fun, someone from a collectivist culture is unlikely to brag about a wild night out, especially to their superiors. Leisure activities are more prominent in some of these cultures than others, but they are generally not emphasized nearly as heavily as a person’s ability to contribute productively to society.

We should strive, as Americans, who may seem to be the antithesis to this worldview, to learn from and pick up on certain nuances from these cultures. While we are unlikely to put down our pride and our passion to change the world with our own “superior” ideas, we could learn a thing or two about being there for loved ones, showing that we care, and taking up selfless projects from time to time. Chances are, it’ll make us feel a lot better about the other 99% of the time when we choose to be greedy (stereotypes galore, but you get my point). I hope you enjoyed this week’s post (: and as always, until next time.