Category: RCL Blog

Ella DeKunder, Veronica Emigh, Joshua Reynolds 

ENGL 137H 

November 15, 2019 

Work Plan: History of a Public Controversy, Cancel Culture 

History of a Public Controversy: Cancel Culture 

Duties: 

Ella DeKunder – Scribe 

Veronica Emigh – Park ranger 

Joshua Reynolds – Goalkeeper  

Timeline: 

Week of 11/11/19 

• Choose topic, background research, decide roles 

Week of 11/18/19 

• Storyline  
•  Dec 2- Start gathering images and videos, begin writing script 

• Dec 4- Have all interviews finished, put the video together, finish script. 
• Dec 7- Begin video editing and narration recording. 
• Dec 9- Clean everything up and double check all the work. 
• Dec 11- Present videos in class 
• Dec 14- Final video cuts by noon 

  Definition: 

Cancelled: form of boycott where called-out person is thrust out of social and professional circles on social media or the real world. The internet facilitates and magnifies this exclusion.  

• The person/organization/show can never be redeemed; must be cancelled permanently 
• Demonetized or de-platformed (in terms of YouTube) 

• Looking up past things a person said out of context from multiple years or even decades ago 

 In our video project, we would like to explore the social controversy surrounding cancel culture and the act of calling out certain people based on their past actions or stances. We would like to emphasize how social media and the internet has magnified this phenomenon recently and how now that people can build their professional career on the internet, “cancelling” them not only destroys their reputation but their livelihood as well. The framing questions we are building our video around center on as a baseline stance, is it ever acceptable to cancel someone, and are there any acts that should be considered irredeemable? In addition, what is a reasonable alternative to cancel culture that still demands accountability for actions, but allows for a more civil discussion as opposed to complete shutdown?  

In terms of historizing the issue, we would like to draw nuanced comparisons between cancelling and boycotting, and how those similar concepts actually represent different realities in history. Both attempt to promote positive change by protesting ideas, but lead to drastically different outcomes. We will also contextualize our argument by explaining how the introduction of social media and the internet changed the effect and extent of how detrimental being cancelled is. In our video, we will use audio bites and video clips from news  sources, social media platforms such as Twitter, one of the largest birthing grounds of cancel culture, and personal interviews with students at Penn State. 

 Day One: 

– relation to doxing politics/social 

– comedians and celebrities  

• Cristiano Ronaldo – sexual abuse  

• Taylor Swift – common trope 
• Kayne West – “slavery was a choice” 
• James Charles – racism/transphobia/ripping off fans  
• Michael Jackson – pedophilia  
• Steven Crowder – kicked off YouTube, demonetized  

• Soph – far-right, kicked off YouTube, banned  
• Kevin Hart – made a homophobic joke in 2008 and couldn’t host Oscars  
• Dave Chapelle – sticks and stones  

– political/legitimate figures  

• Trump – supporters (banned on twitter)  

• Political polarization fuels this fire 

– Pop culture/Movies 

• Joker movie  
• Sticks and Stones 

– how they responded 

– interview people 

– online surveys  

– research and data 

– clear contextualization  

– boycotting relationship 

 Day Two: 

Merriam Webster Definition: 

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/cancel-culture-words-were-watching 

 Professor Taheri link 

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/02/style/what-is-cancel-culture.html 

Bottom line: cancel culture is a negative thing, a form of censorship, not purely malicious, can even be well-intentioned, but still detrimental. 

Victims are bullies and bullies are victims  

Conclusion: we need to be promoting effective civil discourse and cancel culture is inherently a form of censorship and endorses the polarization of the media and society. Instead of ignoring ideas or people we don’t agree with, we need to engage in meaningful discourse with them for any progress to occur.  

Levels of Cancellation Severity: 

-Does something someone else finds annoying  

-Says something controversial  

-Does something controversial  

-Does something outright wrong and appalling that should be called out* 

-Morally unacceptable and/or illegal*  

*How should we address these?  

Video Formatting Ideas: 

-Discussing the definition and origin of cancel culture  

-Touching on a few examples of people across different media outlets who have been cancelled 

-Surveying people on campus about people they consider cancelled or that they have seen being cancelled in the media and their thoughts on the issue/what needs to be done. Is it ok? If not, what should we be doing instead? 

Survey Questions: 

What is cancel culture in one or two words to you? 

1. Is it acceptable to cancel someone? Yes or No 

1. Should any of these people be cancelled? List people (choose any of the above) 

1. What is severe enough to deem someone cancelled? (choose any of the above) 

 Day Three 

Framing Questions 

1. Is it acceptable to cancel someone? 

1. What things deserve redemption?  

1. Are there any acts that are absolutely irredeemable?  

1. Why do we as a society feel the need to censor people? 

1. How do we promote civil discourse? 

1. What would qualify as reasonable accountability? How do we hold one another accountable without completely shutting them down?  

 Historicize the controversy 

Before 

• Only a couple sites to release news (CNN, NBC, ABC, Fox) so without internet, the censorship not apparent because edited out, and now anybody can make news or be a journalist or create information 
• Boycotts used to be a constructive means of promoting equality and fighting censorship 

Now 

• the opposite: used to abuse and silence 
• Social media proliferates  

Topic: Shift in Society’s Understanding of Gender Identity

Purpose: Inform and elaborate on a rapidly expanding topic and encourage equality and inclusion of all people regardless of their conformity or nonconformity to traditional gender roles and means of expression

Introduction: (Show two toys on the screen, a doll and a pile of legos) Which of these toys would you rather play with? Talk about my own experience with Christmas, how my grandma always got me dolls, and how I really preferred playing legos with my brother, and doing arts and crafts. My grandma wasn’t ill intentioned, but she didn’t understand why a little girl wouldn’t enjoy these things, after all, it was her prominent role in society to raise her three kids, cook, and clean, it was all she knew. I had more artistic, perhaps egocentric ambitions, because the society I grew up in told me that was possible. When did this change happen, and why seemingly so suddenly? How is this a metaphor for our society’s changing gender norms?

1. Main Idea – The equality of men and women made challenging our traditional gender roles, and how they played into our identity, possible. No longer was sex and gender one and the same.
   1. Second wave feminism, equality in the workplace, women emerge as leaders and some men take on roles as homemakers.
2. Main Idea – This led to an era of questioning and self-doubt that eventually sparked further scientific research into the matter, more media coverage, and social/political debate.
   1. Numerous studies were conducted, at first gender dysmorphia was considered a neurological disorder, before scientists gained a better understanding of it
   2. Researchers now believe gender expression is based on both nature and nurture, and parenting/early life can play a significant role
   3. Gender neutral parenting pros: allows freedom of expression and the ability to find your own identity without the influence of societal norms, cons: can lead to emotional distress and confusion when a young child isn’t sure how they’re supposed to behave, and childhood should be fun, not stressful.
3. Main Idea- With the emergence of new terminology and new laws to protect freedom of expression, more variation was fostered and allowed to exist in regards to both sexuality and gender identity
   1. Terms such as gender-fluid, gender nonconforming, gender-neutral, non-binary, etc. emerge
   2. Women’s and men’s fashion became increasingly lenient
   3. Women and men are (for the most part) encouraged to possess qualities that are traditionally linked to the other gender, such as empathy for men and assertiveness for women
4. Main Idea- However, because traditional gender roles were upheld for so long, some preconceived notions about what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman still exist
   1. Ex. man doesn’t ask a stranger for directions because he doesn’t want to be seen as incapable, woman doesn’t ask because she’s afraid the stranger will harm her
   2. Study conducted about children’s toys: father is more likely to offer boys traditionally masculine options, whereas moms tend to offer toys regardless of gender (father protecting son from society’s notion that boys who aren’t “masculine enough” will be bullied?)

Conclusion: Everyone should be aware that notions and stigmas we hold about gender are often unconscious and beyond are control, but they can have a significant impact on society as a whole. It may seem like a long way away, but when you are placed in a position of authority as a CEO, a teacher, coach, or parent in the future, you have the power to shape the next generation of minds, and you have an important choice to make. Foster the growth and expression of our youth, or suppress them. Make them feel ashamed to be who they are, or make them feel heard. Thank you.

Visual aids: Pictures/graphics relating to the major points in the topic to spark memory and to intrigue listeners. Haven’t fully planned these out yet, kinda a work in progress. Suggestions are welcome!

*I know this is pretty long, so please tell me what points/ideas you feel are crucial to this speech, or most interesting, and suggest points that are redundant or boring to cut out. Thank you :)*

When diving into the topic of gender identity, it was hard for me to focus on just one cause for the surge in self-expression and nonconformist attitudes about a topic that was so black-and-white less than a hundred years ago. I found myself pinpointing second wave feminism as the launching point, and referencing numerous studies that prove we still hold underlying gender-based assumptions about an individual’s behavior, regardless of how inclusive and nonjudgmental we claim to be. This shift is still in the works today, and because it is still unfurling as we speak, some aspects are widely debated, or not fully understood. All of these factors made for a challenging topic to tackle.

The biggest piece of guidance I got from the peer reviews was that my paper provided solid evidence for the shift, but lacked adequate amounts of analysis, or a breakdown of each item piece by piece. I tend to summarize too much, and assume the reader understands what points I’m making implicitly, instead of elaborating and explaining. I had a similar problem in my rhetorical analysis essay, and I’m determined to prove myself this time around 🙂

As for interesting discoveries, there were many, but I personally love the psychology behind our decision making process as humans. We are such complex species that we have developed an ability to automatically assume things about an individual subconsciously, and these shortcuts in our brains are very useful in some situations, but they can also get us into trouble. For example, I learned that fathers are statistically more likely to offer traditionally male toys to boys, and very unlikely to offer boys traditionally female toys, whereas mothers do not possess such a strong implicit bias, and provide girls and boys alike with both traditionally male and female toys. Upon further research, one possible reason behind this difference is that men understand their role in society is to be viewed as strong and capable, and therefore, fathers fear that if their son is too “girly” he will be seen as weak or incapable by his peers, or other authority figures. The topic of gender identity is littered with little trends like these that feed stereotypes that our society would arguably be better off without, but that’s a whole other debate.

Understanding this shift in gender identity, and where we could still improve on this front as a society, is crucial to understanding the current climate of family dynamics, and furthermore, understanding how to get along with and form connections with individuals who are different from ourselves. At the very least, we should be aware that all of our actions as a parent will affect our children to some extent later in life, and whether we choose to impose strictly traditional values and gender roles (male and female) on our children, or be more lenient (multiple forms of gender expression), there are pros and cons that will likely result. Taking the time to understand the trends that exist can help an authority figure predict the psychological affects their parenting style will likely have on their child later in life. Making sure the next generation of leaders is well equipped and feels accepted for who they are is essential to running a productive society, if you ask me.

This project has helped me evolve significantly as a writer. I will admit, when I saw the rubric on that first day in class, a 7-10 page paper seemed so daunting, I had no idea what topic I was going to choose, nor where to even begin when I picked a topic, but now I’m actually pretty proud of myself. There’s so much information out there, and so many avenues I could’ve gone down to prove my shift’s existence, that I had a hard time organizing my thoughts into coherent paragraphs that worked together and built off of each other, but eventually, it all came together. After staring at my computer screen and moving half-written fragments of paragraphs into different orders until it finally made sense, I felt relieved. Needless to say, this was a stressful, yet rewarding experience. Apparently so much so that this RCL blog is now way longer than it should be :O (Sorry peer editor).

Paradigm Shift Paper Outline: Gender Identity

Intro:

Hook-  Ever since you were young, gender stereotypes surrounded you. If you were a girl, your nursery was likely adorned in pastel pinks and purples, and if you were a boy, a blue or red, complete with monster trucks and action figures. For Christmas, girls received dolls and kitchen sets, and boys received nerf guns and legos.

If you were like me, you didn’t care much for your dolls and instead joined your brother crafting a lego universe, but nonetheless, these outdated assumptions about what each gender enjoyed, or what each gender should be primed to enjoy, was prominent in our society. However, especially in recent years, these assumptions have begun to change. Society as a whole is more lenient when it comes to labels, and most people have begun differentiating between one’s biological sex, and their chosen gender identity. Why did this differentiation and acceptance happen now, so rapidly and so late in the development of modern society?

Thesis: The shift towards recognition and acceptance of individual’s chosen gender identities happened in part due to its portrayal in the media, political debate, the change in societal norms surrounding gender, and the growing lenience of a man and a woman’s role in society.

 Body:

 A. “Literature review” or a review of the shift:

1. Definitions: Explain in more detail the difference between sex and gender and explain how this definition has changed over time.
2. Establish the before/after of the shift — political debate (LGBTQ+ rights, rallies, laws, etc.), media portrayal (characters who do not fit traditional gender norms in popular TV shows, movies, music industry, etc.), general overview of roles in society over the last roughly 100 years (why women were mostly homemakers, how they climbed the ranks and became equal, why traditional roles of women have shifted and how this blurs the lines of what it means to be male or female).

 B. Analysis of Causes

1. What reasons do scholars give for the shift?- I need to research this still 🙂
2. What evidence exists to support analysis of the causes?  

 C. Critique of the shift: What are scholars saying about the consequences/implications of the shift?

1. Possible questions to explore: Is there a consensus or disagreement about the implications of the shift?- (some people are unable to distinguish the difference between sex and gender identity, which makes it hard to understand why anyone would break away from the norm). Nature vs. nurture, how much should parents try to influence their children’s identity in their upbringing? Should they let children express themselves fully as soon as they are able, or should some guidelines still exist to prevent confusion or the emotional distress that inevitable during formative years?
2. Possible questions to explore, continued: What is the greater significance of the shift? Why does this shift ultimately matter?- This topic is important because it is crucial to familiarize yourself with different perspectives, in order to get along with and understand a wide array of individuals you may come across. Even if you identify strongly with traditional gender norms, and do not feel the need to uncover your true identity, it is useful to recognize the hardships some individuals go through to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated in their given environments. Empathy and respect of basic human decency is crucial, especially in the age of heightened sensitivity and social media. Ignorance is no longer tolerated as an excuse for inappropriate comments about another’s appearance or demeanor. Opinions aside, a basic understanding of these shifting ideologies and how they came to be is vital to our everyday social interactions with new people.

Conclusion:

Although it is impossible to predict the future, these trends towards higher levels of acceptance have been steadily growing, not just for gender identity, but a wide array of similar topics. America as a whole is becoming increasingly more comfortable and familiar with increased levels of expression in different forms, and diversity fosters growth and provides color to an otherwise monotonous existence. In the end, people are people, and their happiness and security in themselves is what fosters growth in society as a whole. Society is dependent on the success of the individuals it upholds, which requires confidence, and the willpower necessary to express unique ideas. Confidence in one’s own identity is a powerful thing, and a growing amount of acceptance for whatever we decide to be helps foster this process. As America continues to grow, so will its citizens, and vice versa. 

In the modern era, gender and sex are no longer one and the same. Your biological sex, male, female, or in rare cases, both, has nothing to do with your chosen gender, or how you choose to identify. Men and women are free to dress, talk, walk, act, and preform duties that were traditionally meant for only one of the two sexes as they see fit. In addition, one may choose to identify as neither male nor female, as gender non-conforming, or gender fluid.

However, just a few decades ago, these terms were unheard of. The idea of gender non-conformity may have existed, but was not yet mainstream or allowed into the public eye. Women were expected to be polite homemakers and child-bearers. Men were expected to be strong, confident breadwinners. Women were expected to appear feminine, dawning fancy dresses or skirts with jewelry, high heels, and a full face of makeup on special occasions. Men were expected to wear a suit, or a dress shirt and a tie. Very rarely were these boundaries crossed, and when they were, the general public deemed that individual strange and untrustworthy. The media consumed by the general population further fed this notion of strict guidelines.

Today, sexuality, gender identity, and general self-presentation exist on a spectrum of multiple colors. The strict, black and white approach to personal expression is outdated, and is no longer upheld as a societal norm. In my paradigm shift paper, I will attempt to examine this seemingly sudden change, focusing mostly on the last 100 years (maybe even less time than that if I cannot find any examples of the shift in the media that far back).

I will attempt to showcase my thesis by using several celebrity icons, (and/or influencers) media exposure in entertainment, and news reports in general, from these past ten decades or so. I hope to show the gradual shift toward a society that is more accepting of personal identity in regards to gender stereotypes and sexuality in general.

This topic is important because it is crucial to familiarize yourself with different perspectives, in order to get along with and understand a wide array of individuals you may come across. Even if you identify strongly with traditional gender norms, and do not feel the need to uncover your true identity, it is useful to recognize the hardships some individuals go through to feel loved, accepted, and appreciated in their given environments. Empathy and respect of basic human decency is crucial, especially in the age of heightened sensitivity and social media. Ignorance is no longer tolerated as an excuse for inappropriate comments about another’s appearance or demeanor. Opinions aside, a basic understanding of these shifting ideologies and how they came to be is vital to our everyday social interactions with new people.

Recently, I gave a speech on the rhetorical situations surrounding mirrors, and the psychological effects individuals feel due to the pressures of society to look a certain way. Ironically, as I am tasked with self reflection on a clip from this speech, I am tempted to tear myself apart, not only content and delivery wise, but on my own personal appearance. However, I will refrain from that temptation and focus first on what I feel went well.

First and foremost, I am extremely happy that both of my main points, one touching on increasing levels of vanity and the other touching on the psychological disorders associated with unhealthy levels of pressure from society, managed to get across fairly well. As an anxious person, I never quite know if my delivery is going to fall into place, and every rehearsal of the speech, even when based on an outline, tends to take on a slightly different flavor. I’m happy that I didn’t leave any important information out, and was even able to elaborate off-script as I saw fit in an attempt to enhance the audience’s understanding.

I was also happy to see that the humorous elements I incorporated seemed to evoke the response from the audience I was going for.

Also, I wasn’t sure how long my speech actually was, as it seemed to pass by in a blur, but I was happy to see that it was well over four minutes and I met the requirement.

Turning my attention to areas of improvement, the first things I noticed were speaking errors I normally struggle with, such as a slow pace, a few stutters here and there, and stopping to think, which are all due to increased levels of social anxiety that I feel on a regular basis.

I did notice some nervous laughter that could’ve retracted from my points by making them seem comical and insignificant, but I think at the same time they broke up my anxious tension and the tension in the room, so I won’t complain too much about that.

Although I made a point to look up at some points in the speech, it still appeared somewhat forced and I could’ve benefitted from a bit more practice with hand motions and eye movement to increase my attention grabbing potential. This also would’ve helped with my fidgeting, and the few times I touched my hair subconsciously.

I am far from a bold, confident, and loud individual, so I forget when speaking in front of people I need to increase my usual volume.

Overall, watching myself was a traumatic experience, and I’ll never watch that clip ever again. However, I’m glad I had a chance for self reflection, as it provided both relief that I didn’t do as poorly as I envisioned I would, and recognition of my mistakes, which will hopefully lead to improvement in the future.

Veronica Emigh- 9/27/19- Rhetoric & Civic Life I- Class #17355

Introduction:

Attention grabber: If I were to ask you how you view yourself, what would you say? *Pause* No literally, what do you use to view yourself every morning? A mirror, right? But how did mirrors become popularized, and even essential in society?

Background:

-Brief overview of how the mirror was popularized- Justus Von Liebig- 1835

-Precious metal mirrors in Ancient Egypt, using bodies of water as reflective surfaces

-Viewing yourself to ensure proper grooming

-Self-esteem, personal identity

Body:

-Societal pressures to focus on appearance and presenting in a certain way (age of social media)

-Issue of authenticity, cover-up or tool for expression?

Planet Fitness “Mirror Guy” commercial. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2afTmPt9egw

-When pressures become too overwhelming, can lead to psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia

Mirror TV? (mirror as window to a “better self”) https://www.ispot.tv/ad/Igek/mirror-a-window Hillary Clinton’s mirror commercial? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHGPbl-werw

-These commercials are used to sell a product or promote a campaign, but nevertheless outline the ideologies of vanity and over-emphasis on personal appearance that can be detrimental to our health and well-being

Closer:

-Everyday objects such as mirrors are rarely examined so closely, but each provides a glimpse into what society deems as important and necessary

-The abundance of mirrors suggests a society that cares deeply about personal presentation, whether to enhance deeper aspects of self identity, or to mask them

-So I’ll ask you all one more time, how do you view yourself, and why?

-Thank audience

*Sources*

 

Elevator Pitch for Mirror Civic Artifact Speech:

Attention grabber: If I were to ask you how you view yourself, what would you say?  *Pause* No literally, what do you use to view yourself every morning? A mirror, right?

Purpose of the piece & rhetorical situations: 

Modern mirror = German chemist Justus von Liebig in 1835

-Dawn of time viewing themselves in reflective surfaces of bodies of water

-Viewing yourself to ensure proper grooming

-Self-esteem, personal identity

Broader Context:

-Societal pressures towards vanity are especially prominent in the age of social media where gaining a following based on aesthetic is essential 

-Issue of authenticity 

-Poor self image can contribute to psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia  

Closer: 

-The abundance of mirrors suggests a society that cares deeply about personal presentation, whether to enhance deeper aspects of self identity, or to mask them. 

-So I’ll ask you all one more time, how do you view yourself, and why?

-Thank audience 

Modern mirrors were invented by a German chemist named Justus von Liebig in 1835, and are made from a thin layer of metallic silver placed on top of a sheet of glass. This allows for large scale manufacturing and distribution. However, remnants of mirrors have been found across the globe, the earliest of which was found in modern day Turkey, made from polished stone, and dates back to around 8,000 years ago. Ancient Egyptians made their mirrors from many different metals, including gold, copper, bronze, tin, and silver, before the utilization of polished glass. Since the dawn of time, people have been using naturally reflective surfaces, such as bodies of water, to view their own reflections.

The mirror was created so that everyday people could view their own reflection, and therefore improve upon their physical appearance. However, mirrors are now utilized in almost every piece of modern technology, (including cameras, smartphones, automobiles) for our health, (almost every medical procedure, corrective lenses for our vision) as well as for simpler purposes, such as an ornate mirror used for decoration in a fancy hotel. What initially began as a quest for a deeper understanding of self, personal hygiene and vanity alike, allowed for a numerous amount of more significant scientific breakthroughs.

There is a deeper level of understanding surrounding mirrors, and what they symbolize for specific groups of people. For the more pessimistic, a mirror is a symbol of society’s growing vanity, and their concern with physical appearance alone, coupled with blatant disregard of personality and character that lies beyond the surface. However, on the completely opposite end of the spectrum, a mirror can be seen as a way to boost one’s confidence from the outside in, because after all, when we’re looking good, we’re feeling good. It’s difficult to imagine life without mirrors, and maybe this is why mirrors hold a certain level of superstition, as many people consider shattering a mirror equivalent to seven years of bad luck.

Ownership of a mirror denotes a certain amount of accountability in regards to one’s sense of self. A mirror is nothing more than a few inanimate objects plastered together, but what we see staring back at us holds a significant amount of weight mentally, emotionally, and physiologically. As a society, with the creation of the modern mirror, we have formed an unspoken agreement to honor, preserve, and groom our bodies in a way that not only we, but the masses, see fit. We are encouraged to put ourselves under a microscope, analyze every flaw, and do our best to correct them, day in and day out. It instills, almost simultaneously, a sense of pride and a sense of fear, to love oneself, or face criticism.

Additional topics to touch on: mental illness (depression, anxiety, eating disorders, etc.), life without mirrors in developing countries, mirror symbolism in folklore, religion, media.

Growing up in a college town, I never thought twice about going downtown during the weekend, or eating at a restaurant close by on a Saturday with my family. It simply wasn’t an option. Too many crowds of drunken students, too much noise and “harmless fun” that my parents and grandparents refused to take part in. It’s a bit ironic that my mother, who attended Penn State years ago, warned me against partying and going to fraternities, immediately followed by a side story about partying at Indigo with her friends on her 21st birthday.

When I was younger, I used to say I wanted to go to college anywhere but where I grew up, proudly proclaiming that I didn’t see the point of football games and tailgates, (my family never really attended them) I would never be in a sorority, and I would never go to a party. Much to my dismay, my brother shot my dreams down when he said “you know Veronica, they do that stuff at every college, you won’t get away from it no matter where you go. Unless you go to a liberal arts college with a really bad football team or something.” And I’ll admit, that idea didn’t sound too appealing either.

I don’t know if it was fate, or social constructs, or priming from a young age, but whatever the case may be, I ended up at Penn State, commuting from my home just outside of the college town, walking the same streets I used to mostly avoid, attending those same football games I said I never would. At that first game, although I had no personal ties to the game of football or the players to instill a sense of pride, simply being there surrounded by my fellow students, chanting WE ARE- PENN STATE over and over again sent chills down my spine, and I was proud there for a split second.

I may not agree with the social constructs set in place by my peers, or what almost all of them were going to do following the game, but in that moment, swaying side to side with a bunch of strangers and a few of my friends, I felt at home. I was literally in my hometown, but it was something more than that, I swear. That’s when I started to understand what the big deal really was.

There are a few moral constructs I set for myself from a young age that I have kept, one of those being no swearing (Catholic school kinda scared me out of that one) and another is no alcohol or drugs. Yes, I’m one of those students. I can hear the eye rolling and the sighs from here. This decision alone is enough to ostracize me from certain students and certain events, but perhaps it is in place because of where I was raised. I know what people can do when they lose control because I’ve witnessed it in passing, and I vowed to myself that I’d never be that person.

The idolization of football and the alcohol that pairs with it has been engrained in my head ever since I can remember. Every business I visit has specials just for football weekends, or even just for Penn State students, sometimes even more than they have for senior citizens or veterans. Almost every car I’d watch from my booster seat driving around town with my family had a PSU bumper sticker. Some of my friends in elementary and middle school would discuss game stats and their favorite players during spare moments in class, and I’d politely ignore them. Still, it was everywhere.

When I got a bit older, I started to realize that the town I lived in wouldn’t be nearly as populated, or nearly as adorned with stores or restaurants or movie theaters that I regularly attended, if Penn State ceased to exist. I decided, much like an elderly resident who doesn’t have season tickets, that I would happily coexist with the college as long as I could live in its happy little surrounding bubble.

These ideologies presented themselves mostly as unconscious biases that I held within myself, and my personal biases are very different than those of my classmates whose families when tailgating every weekend, but even still, they resulted from being raised in a very specific culture of a college town. The assumption that all college students are slutty underage partiers who don’t care about studying is wrong, but that’s how it appears from the outside looking in. It’s what I wrongly assumed for the first half of my life, because that’s what I was told.

The #1 Party School Podcast presented by This American Life supports these same ideologies, that a school in the Northeast with a high ranked football team, fraternities, and a rural setting results in wild partying, students peeing in neighbors lawns, unearthing street signs, getting into physical confrontations, raping each other, and even ending up in the emergency room due to alcohol poisoning. I’ve seen it, or heard it through the grapevine, in the news, on TV, and I believe it. Though I will say, just like the majority of other media, their portrayal is a bit dramatized to enhance entertainment.

I remember a few years back, the only Arby’s in State College closed down after a car drove right through the front windows on a particularly crazy weekend. A few weeks later, the building had been completely repaired, and Arby’s quietly closed down. I remember not paying any mind because I didn’t care for Arby’s too much. After all, I could just go to Subway. Every few years my family would casually mention that another student fell out of a window to their death after drinking too much at a party, or that another student had committed suicide jumping off one of those giant cranes they were using to build those particularly tall apartment buildings. I would listen in silence, express my condolences for their family, saying I can’t even imagine, then go back to whatever I was doing.

During the day, as I power walk through campus to make it to my next class, I notice that everyone else bustling around alongside me, just trying to get their education in for the day, looks oddly innocent and even admirable. Those same streets, and those same people, come nightfall, doing unthinkable things, will leave a bad taste in any passerby’s mouth. It is this very love-hate relationship that keeps our campus alive. After all, we are Penn State, all of us. We are proud, in blind support of everything we stand for, and we are a force to be reckoned with. Despite the debris inevitably littered throughout the streets by night, by day, our buildings and statues stand tall, seemingly untouched.

I wish I could say that despite everything I have mentioned, I am one of many who bleed blue and white, without as shadow of a doubt. The truth is, I am still very skeptical when it comes to this town and those who inhabit it. However, one thing is for certain. I expect to be educated not only academically but socially and environmentally as well in my time at Penn State. I know there is still a lot for me to learn about my hometown and its history, and a lot to gain from feeling connected to this place. I wish anyone reading this, whether a student, teacher, administrator, or even just a passerby, as I once was long ago, a positive experience in whatever environment they find themselves in. It is in these communities that we highlight each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and thereby improve upon ourselves and our neighbors.

There is a certain strength in numbers, enough to move any single person. I felt that at my first game two Saturdays ago, and it may seem silly, but it’s small moments like these that keep us going, that stir our emotions to spark change. I hope to do just that.