Judge’s Choice • Creative Writing
Faculty and Healthcare Providers Category
© Christy Lucas, MD | Alumnus, Class of 2020
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and prepare two 9-inch cake pans by buttering and lightly flouring.
“She’s broken her hip,” too busy to call;
Twenty-four hours later, a stroke after Fall.
Thinking, my cat with nine lives: invincible.
Calling at last, greeted by aphasia: reprehensible.
Hemiparetic in the ICU, reality came into view.
As they spoke over, beside, never with you,
Failing to see my brave, frustrated patient,
For your Broca’s was broken and thoughts too latent.
2. Prepare two 9-inch cake pans by buttering and lightly flouring. Add 2 c. flour, 2 c. sugar, ¾ c. unsweetened cocoa powder, 2 t baking powder, 1 ½ t baking soda, 1 t salt, and 1 ½ t espresso powder to a large bowl. Whisk to combine.
Holding hands, “Be patient with yourself,” I said,
Placing pictures of our family ’round your bed.
“Love you” escaped your drooped lip, firing every neuron,
Stopping my tracts: she’ll be ok—she’s not gone.
“When you get better, I’ll bake you a chocolate cake,
Writing ‘Kay’ in pink to decorate.”
As your diabetic eyes glimmered in reply,
I leaned over and said my goodbye.
3. Add 2 c. milk, ½ c. vegetable oil, 2 large eggs, and 2 t vanilla extract to flour mixture and mix together on medium speed until well combined. Reduce speed and carefully add 1 c. boiling water to the cake batter until well combined.
I held onto hope, trying to look ahead,
But at my next visit, you barely moved in bed.
Speech improving, but pride evermore bruised.
Incontinence and immobility: a contrast to life you once knew.
Though your brain slowly healed after stroke,
It was now the heart that broke.
Greeting you now with aphasia, not knowing how to fix it.
You felt broken beyond repair, and there I sat, keen to exit.
4. Distribute cake batter evenly between the two prepared cake pans.
I wish you knew that you were perfectly imperfect that day,
And no matter what, I would have loved you any way.
But staying was not a choice that I could make.
So now it remains forever—the unbaked chocolate cake.
Judge’s Comments:
This poignant piece serves as a reminder that grieving isn’t limited to death. Rather, there is a special kind of mourning that comes with the loss of what once was, even as we try to appreciate what is.