It took me a really long moment to come up with what to discuss this blog, so I decided to stay true to my usual format and talk about something that hits close to home. In this case it’s coping with failing system that is our police force. To be clear I’ve actually had zero bad interactions with the police (Useless but not negative), and until recently I was under the illusion that every officer that took the oath to protect and serve, would protect me. The last few years have proven me wrong, and at this point you might be thinking if I have had zero negative interactions with the police, why do I believe I was under an illusion? The answer to that question cannot be answered by looking at the last few years of my life. No the answer must be traced back first to the early 2000s, I was in my mid-teens, when I had my first interaction with an officer. A white police officer showed up at my door in the middle of the night asking after my younger cousin who wasn’t even thirteen. Apparently he had run away and he was looking for him, and I remember being clearly seized with the need to A not open my door and B afraid that he would come in anyway regardless of what I wanted and C not to help him. For my cousin’s sake I did assure him that we would contact my Aunt if he showed up here, and that he hadn’t run to our house unfortunately (Not my cousin did return home safely). If the police are the good guys, why had I reacted that way? Fast forward to 2012, I had just gotten off work, I was exhausted and just wanted to get home, I had hardly turned the corner and passed a police station I had always passed on the way home. I used my turn signal and had made a complete stop at the stop sign prior to merging onto the main road heading for the highway at this particular intersection. (The police station essentially broke this road into two, hence a merging lane). So why was I being stopped? I immediately pulled over and was seized with panic. Panic that in my usually tolerant area, some police officer was going to claim I had failed to stop or use my turn signal or any other number of random traffic offenses i could imagine. For all I knew I was going to jail. I was terrified because I had tossed my back pack in the trunk and my wallet was there. Even though I intended to clearly inform him would he still think I had a weapon? Were my hands where he could see them? Did I look high or drunk even though I had literally just left work? Can I sound white enough that I would be considered one of the good ones? So many thoughts in the minute it took him to flash a bright light preventing me from looking back to see him approaching the car. As I said I’ve had no negative interactions, it turns out I was so tired that when I turned on my car, my daylights flashed in the window and I thought I had my lights on. He was validly concerned I was drunk, and just told me to drive safely after I had my lights on and walked away after checking my license and insurance. The ordeal was over in less than five minutes we were both polite and went our separate ways. And yet I still had a strong anxiety response to this man. And then all the shootings happened and that feeling hasn’t gotten better. I’m planning on driving through CA, NV, ID, and MT with my wife this November on our way to Canada. And I’m now wondering if I should only let my wife drive near towns because she’s white and she’s protected. I don’t want any problems and since I currently don’t live in the U.S. I have no idea what’s safe. Even CA has a few sketchy deaths on the books when it comes to police interaction with black people. But this is what coping looks like hiding behind your white friends, it’s avoiding situations that might involve police, and wondering if maybe a different route might be better because you’re about to drive not through one but three states. And while not all republicans are racist, at this point I am of a mind that all racists are republican. So where and when will I run into this ugliness. Where and when will I become a target, and because I am in a moving vehicle will they be sitting in that police car I unconsciously learned to fear? Will I make it home with my wife or will she be a widow simply because I was driving while black? Hopefully I’ll be finishing this class and we’ll know I survived the trip whatever may occur. 
References:
Schneider, F.W., Gruman, J.A., & Coutts, L.A. (2012). Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems (2nd ed). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
I think it is interesting that your intuitive response is to react in fear when it comes to interacting with police. I find your response interesting as it is also my response. I find myself wondering how many people feel the way we do and if we are the majority now. I also had no interactions with police for many years of my life and although I was told that they existed to protect and serve I generally only saw them pulling people over for speeding and other driving infractions. I am a woman from Chile but my skin is light and my eyes are green and so most of my life people are surprised to find out I’m from South America. I am telling you about how I look because I am not afraid that a police officer will target me because of the color of my skin. I am so sorry that this is something you and so many more have to worry about and its not fair and I hope things change in this country because what has been happening is not ok. I also worry when I interact with police these days but it has to do with the fact that I am a woman. When I was 19 or 20 I was in a car with three friends and we got pulled over for some kind of driving violation. They had us all get out of the car and sit on the curb and searched the car after the officer claimed that it smelled like marijuana. They then searched us. I was the only girl and when it came time to search me the officer put his hand in my bra and pinched my nipple. The second time I had an interaction with an officer I was 24 and i was tired and left work and got pulled over for not coming to a complete stop before turning. The officer was around my age and made me very uncomfortable at one point asking to check my pulse because I seemed very nervous and he insinuated I might be on drugs. I don’t know why I let him but he held my wrist very tightly and let him search my purse. He gave me a warning and let me go but I felt very creeped out and upset. The next time I interacted with a cop was late at night in San Francisco. I had gotten a job as an event model and was trying to figure out how to get to the bart station. I had taken a wrong turn and had ended up in some weird industrial looking area that was very poorly lit and I was wearing a tight fitted dress and high heels. This is pre Iphone, GPS days and so I was getting pretty worried. A officer drove up next to me and slowed down and asked me what I was doing. He was not very nice…maybe he thought I was a prostitute, who knows. Anyway I showed him my Id and told him I lived in Fremont and had somehow gotten lost trying to find bart and he just looked at me and said “bart is that way” pointing in a general direction and left me. It took me another hour to find bart during which i was catcalled at and I was scared and it made me realize that that officer did not care about protecting me. I could have easily gotten hurt that night and he could have helped me.
So your post struck a chord with me. Yes officers are human beings and there are going to be good ones and bad ones…but what measures are we taking to ensure than these (mostly men) who hold these positions of power and not predators, or creeps, or just empty inside.
A lot of injustice in our justice system…A lot of people in positions of authority who should not be.
I would really like to see some changes take place in our country in regards to police and how they interact with civilians.
I am a married white woman, I have two kids and my little brother is a police officer. I know the majority of officers take the oath to serve and protect and they intend to do just that. I’ve seen also the way it changes someone, my brother is not the person who graduated from the police academy right before my ten year old son was born. I’ve seen people like my mother who sees things very black and white (pun intended), she sides with the police no matter the story or the circumstances. Maybe it’s the things they’ve seen that numbs them to things, my brother recently didn’t understand why I was upset when a teacher made my six year old daughter clean up her own puke and never call me to come pick her up. The brother that graduated from the academy, he would’ve been angry right there beside me. He tells me of split second decisions, not having hindsight to know if someone is in fact pointing a weapon at him. I asked him though, is the first weapon of defense shooting? What is the point of the night stick or the stun gun if they aren’t used as the first line of defense? It’s hard for me to be entirely on one side or another, seeing the innocent black men that are killed (and children). I also see our two state troopers who were shot point blank in their car, officers who are ambushed, and every time my phone rings and it’s my mother I think, did someone get my brother? There needs to be more done for not just preventing innocent people being shot and killed, but also for psychological help for the officers who get damaged after years of seeing what they see. There are cases where it is an accident, there are times when the man behind the badge isn’t always the good guy. Until everyone admits that, I’m not sure anything can be changed moving in the right direction. Mistakes happen, officers are human, but the cost of their mistakes shouldn’t always have to be the loss of a human life.