Revisions and drafts of papers written are vital to improving writing ability.  After careful examination, I see how I can improve both papers vastly in ways I did not originally see.  Beginning with paper one, there was a lot to discuss and revise.  My paper centered around Terry Crews and his Old Spice commercials, and how he displays manliness in each commercial.  Not enough information about the actual commercial was provided in my essay.  Not only that, but I could also add another commercial entirely to the paper.  The Old Spice commercials featuring Isaiah Mustafa are commercials I hope to incorporate in the final draft of the paper.  Both actors, Mustafa and Crews display manliness in their respective commercials.  However, that is where the similarities end.  Both actors display their manliness in different mannerisms.  Terry Crews has an “in your face” persona and essentially tries to scare you with his combination of physique and unnecessary yelling.  Isaiah Mustafa has a much more subtle and subdued approach that still comes off as “manly”.  Incorporating the two in the final draft of the paper are vital.  Also, my thesis statement came off as rather vague and not much of a thesis.  Perhaps adding a whole other series of commercials will help make this thesis statement more concise and specific.

               Paper two also requires revisions that are crucial for the final draft.  It centered around bias surrounding Fox News and their misleading headlines.  The article was about a man who was “turned away” from voting, when this really was not the case at all.  The main problem presented in Paper two is that my style comes off as too editorialized and not scholarly enough.  Part of this may be due to the fact that opinions took over the writing, creating an editorial essentially.  Some changes in word use and overall style may play a huge role in fixing this problem.  Also, not enough from the article was included in the paper, causing the paper to focus on the bashing of Fox News rather than the article itself.  Including more examples from the actual article will definitely improve this.  Perhaps even providing another article may help in further proving the thesis stated.