My grandfather, a tailor, always used to say that the quality of the material, even if it was more expensive, was always worth more than a large quantity of a cheaper material. Throughout the course of my life, I have learned that this same idea applies to friendship. It is not about the quantity of friends that you have, but the quality of the few that stick around no matter what. This idea was not always one that I had believed. For a long time, I believed that the more friends that I had, the happier I would be. I learned the hard way that this belief would not hold firm.
Throughout my life, I have always been a floater. I would always talk to everyone, but not belong to a particular group. I would just float back and forth between groups hoping to one day find somewhere that I belonged. I thought that not committing myself to one group in particular would broaden my chances of finding the right place. I grew up thinking that close, quality friends simply didn’t exist for me and that they only way to find happiness was to surround myself with as many friends as possible, even if they didn’t know anything about me.
When I began high school, I attended a week-long retreat called International Student Leadership Institute (ISLI). It was here that I began to realize there were people out there who were willing to be true, quality friends. We participated in small group activities that brought us together and helped us to form a stronger connection in only a week than I had ever built with my friends over a number of years. I began to learn about the value not only of myself, but also of others. The welcoming, accepting, and positive atmosphere allowed me to be myself around everyone and realize what it is like to be truly happy among a small group of close knit friends. Unfortunately, this lesson didn’t sink in until 2 years later.
For the first two years of high school I did find a large group of people with whom to be friends and I thought that I was happy. Everyone knew my name. I had even just been elected Junior Class President. However, I still felt alone. I still felt like a floater, someone who didn’t belong. It took a while, but I began to remember the lesson of my time with ISLI.
The group was constantly changing. Most of the people who I thought were my friends didn’t stay with me for very long. I began to realize that I didn’t have a connection with most of them. I changed my focus to the few people who had been with me all along. I found my happiness in a small group of people who knew everything about me, and continued to be there for me through it all. It was a tough transition for me. I had grown up surrounded by people and now I only had a few by my side, yet I didn’t feel lonely anymore. In fact, it was the first time that I felt as though I had someone to talk to. It was this time that the lesson I had learned finally sunk in. I didn’t need a big group of friends in order to be happy, I simply needed one or two close friends who cared about me and who I cared about, too.
As I continue to grow my circle of quality friends and meaningful activities, I know that my greatest happiness and success will come from focusing my time, commitment and support on quality vs. quantity- and I will be more fulfilled than ever as I find my place in life that suits me as well as the quality material my grandfather used to make the perfect suit for his customers.