It can happen so quickly; boy meets girl and along comes baby and perhaps another. Sometimes things work out. Other times, the boy and girl are not ready to raise a child. Maybe they are still adolescents or emerging adults not ready to handle the responsibility. Perhaps they are adults but struggling with substance abuse or other behavioral health issues. Our current United States culture believes children are best raised by birth parents when possible and so these not yet capable caregivers usually attempt to parent the children. When things go wrong, it is then that Grandma and Grandpa often step in and attempt to raise the grandchildren.
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In doing so, grandparents typically have their work cut out for them. Children often end up in grandparents’ care only after birth parents have tried unsuccessfully. Sometimes the children are abandoned. Other times, the courts play a part or the grandparents simply step in and request custody. In any case, the children involved typically suffer from insecure attachment styles from the early days with their birth parents (Schneider, Gruman & Coutts, 2012, p. 360). These attachments set them up for difficulty in forming healthy relationships throughout the lifespan. Additionally, these children probably have faced other adverse events, such as substance abuse, that led them to the different custody situation. It is not surprising then that children raised by custodial grandparents are prone to behavioral problems (Kelley, Whitley & Campos, 2011).
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Sometimes elderly, grandparents have passed the age of child rearing. Their social networks consist of others, like themselves, who are retired and done raising children. Their incomes are typically limited by retirement and social security payments. Additionally, as they age, these elderly folks are prone to their own health problems. This time in life is a far cry from the younger days of raising children.
When grandparents become caregivers of grandchildren, social isolation tends to set in. Their social networks are no longer available because they no longer share the same interests (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005). This social isolation has been cited as a major stressor for custodial grandparents (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005). Additionally, these retired folks have fixed incomes and typically do not have the financial resources necessary to raise children in the world today. If one or both suffers age related health issues, along with the financial stress, lack of support, and troubled relationships with the grandchildren, the grandparents are likely to struggle immensely.
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What then should society do for these vulnerable families? Luckily, the answer is not entirely bleak. While more studies are necessary, increasing social support, financial resources, and offering (grand)parenting education could mediate some of the poorer outcomes that are exacerbated by issues the families face (Hayslip & Kaminski, 2005). We should continue to look toward social supports for these alternative family models as it appears that the trend of grandparents raising grandchildren when the parents cannot, will continue.
Hayslip, B., Jr., & Kaminski, P. L. (2005). Grandparents raising their grandchildren: A review of the literature and suggestions for practice. The Gerontologist, 45(2), 262-269. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1093/geront/45.2.262
Kelley, S. J., Whitley, D. M., & Campos, P. E. (2011). Behavior problems in children raised by grandmothers: The role of caregiver distress, family resources, and the home environment. Children and Youth Services Review, 33(11), 2138-2145. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.childyouth.2011.06.021
Schneider, F., Gruman, J., Coutts, L. (2012). Applied social psychology: Understanding and addressing social and practical problems (2nd ed.). Los Angeles: Sage.
Tags: Applied social psychology, attachment theory, children, grandparents, psych 424, relationships
Hello
Your blog is well done and had a lot to say on grandparents and the struggles that they have raising their kids children. I blame the grandparents for not doing the parenting right with their kids and taking responsibility for their own kids. I say this because my parents divorced when I was five and rather than take responsibility they decided to have a second chance at a teenage life. My father was a very spoiled child and took parenting very lightly so his parents stepped up and raised me. I will say that it was the happiest time of my life living with my grandparents. I was given a great deal of love and attention that I did not receive from my parents. I gained a new perspective on life from their generation and Victorian values. The draw back to this was that I lost both of them a year apart at the age of 12 and I felt orphaned. When I went to live with my mother and her new husband I did not see her to have any authority over me and it lead to many fights and rebellion. As for my father I had no respect and to this day we have a very distant relationship. So being raised by grandparents have some draw backs to development it can in some rare cases be better for the kids
I definitely see the great points you are making about the difficulty’s that are associated with raising a child in your elderly years. My mother in law lives with us and she does not play with the kids much because she is older, she is tired often and has diabetes and high blood pressure. Often the responsibilities of running after the kids or feeding and bathing them even for a few hours when she babysits is very difficult and strenuous for her. Society chooses often to ignore the needs of young parents i feel which can lead to difficulties raising their children and i feel that these are commonly the ones who give their children to be raised by their parents.
Being a parent to 3 children with another on the way i fully understand the financial strains having children can have. Grandparents who are raising their grandchildren as you indicated often are retired or have a fixed income. Daycare alone for my one son is 700 dollars a month! That does not include cost of medical insurance and care, as well as necessities such as shelter, food and clothes on top of extra curricular activities!
I feel that in previous years it has been frowned upon to talk to your children about safe sex at a young age to promote safe sex such as condoms and birth control, however in today’s society children grow up way to fast. The media is driven by sex everywhere they turn. We unfortunately need to prepare our children for these things in order to change this cycle.
Another issue that arises is divorce. Sometimes when parents become divorced they do not want they responsibilities alone or they do not want the reminder of that relationship. It is sad but this happens and the grandparents again take on the role of primary care giver These children do often feel abandoned and have trust and bonding issues in future relationships. There are overall many things we can do in society to help everyone in these cases whether it be young parents, grandparents and the children by providing social services to them and counseling in order to make this work and to transition into this new life.