I have only lived through the educational system one time, and that has just been through my personal experience going to school as an only child. However, relating back directly to social psychology, it is interesting to observe different motivational drives and ambition (or lack of) that different friends in my friend group had compared to one another.
Specifically, one of my best friends growing up was known to be very intelligent. She seemed to study very hard for any exam or quiz; similarly, always getting phenomenal grades. Even when she wasn’t studying as much as other friends of hers would, she still would achieve some of the highest grades in her class. A vivid memory I have of her is when we both were in the 3rd grade, had just received our scores from the spelling exam the week prior, and she was crying next to the side of our classroom outside. I ran up to her and asked her what the matter was, and she refused to tell me what was going on. I begged her to let me know why she was so upset, and she simply handed me back her graded spelling exam – she received a 17/20. I asked her why that upset her, as a B was a good grade and something to be excited about. She was sobbing so much that she could barely breathe, and she said it was one of the worst grades she had ever received. This situation seemed to greatly devalue my friend’s academic self-concept. Meaning, her views on her own success and abilities seemed to be threatened, hurt or somehow misaligned from how she previously viewed herself (Schneider & Gruman, 2012). Her self-confidence and self-esteem had been substantially depleted because of her results; amplifying the pressure she felt to do better on her next go around. In that moment, I wondered why she put so much pressure on herself to achieve flawless grades. As time continued, her behavior relating to schoolwork stayed similar. She always had about a 3.90 GPA, and went on to attend UC Berkeley and received a B.S. in Anthropology. Though we grew up four streets away from each other and attended identical elementary schools, middle schools, and high schools, our “social norms” or expectations were surprisingly very different.
This reminds me of the theory of planned behavior, drawing back to influences from (a) personal attitudes, (b) subjective norms and (c) a person’s intentions to behave in a certain fashion. My friend had adhered to having attitudes that required flawless grades, participation, and attendance (and were even present in elementary school). Though subjective norms are typically looked at on a more collective scale, I think that familial contributions would fall into this category. The pressure that my friend faced to do well in school, since both of her brothers suffered from learning disabilities, more than likely amplified the pressure she felt to succeed and live up to the dreams her mother had wanted for her.
It’s interesting to see how much of someone’s self-concept and self-esteem is composed of educational background and academic success. In our society, and as many people state, “a bachelor’s degree is the new high school diploma,” and “a master’s degree is the new bachelor’s degree.” Meaning, the pressures many face to succeed and do well have become increasingly high, with educational fundamentals that have sometimes decreased substantially. This is because, as some have theorized, the public school system has deprecated in value so much that special education (gaining a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and so fourth) is the only way to meet the needs and demands of employers these days (Farrington, 2014). The real world pressures that attaining good grades, gaining acceptance into highly ranked schools, and relative job-experience are at an all time high. If someone lacks the means to deliver on any of these fronts (by not having enough money, time, or other obligations), their quality of life could drop for reasons they haven’t even contributed to. This can lead to further issues of self-handicapping, and essentially finding more reasons to tell oneself that they are already “not good enough” or ill-equipped to manage the current circumstances (Schneider & Gruman, 2012).
Though it’s much easier said than done, I think that the major lessons I have learned from academia is the power that academia has in and of itself. I think that children, adolescents, and young adults should all be taught to (as part of course requirements) keep a manageable outlook on who they are aside from what any profession or occupation would require them to be. School should teach more than just what it takes to get a job, but how to also build confidence and give praise in kids being themselves and prioritizing being themselves over the perfect employee for a job prospect. As also understood from this week’s lessons, the power that compassionate, driven and aware teachers have on helping children access themselves and nurture their talents makes all the difference.
References
Farrington, R. (2014, September 29). A College Degree Is The New High School Diploma. In www.forbes.com. Retrieved March 24, 2017.
Schneider, F. W., Gruman, J. A., & Coutts, L. M. (Eds.). (2012). Applied Social Psychology (Second ed., pp. 209-215). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Hello,
I couldn’t help but relate to the description of your friend while I was reading your blog. I also thought to myself “I wonder if her family was also expecting her to go above and beyond in her academic life, as my parents did for me”, and then my question was answered when I continued reading your post. I must say though that having that kind of expectations over your head can make it quite stressful. I have a similar experience as your friend about getting a grade of 85%, and I remember being so upset with myself, and worried about what my father would say about losing my streak of all A’s. On the one hand, I am extremely grateful that my family instilled in me the love of academia and the belief that working hard and investing in my education will get me closer to my goals; but the knowledge of their expectations of me made me be too hard on myself, and stress over every detail.
Even though the reason that my family was hard on me was in order to push me forward and to succeed, this method has actually backfired on them a few times. When I turned 12, my father said that I had to choose an instrument to play, since that’s the age that he was when he started to play the violin. I chose the piano. Even though I was technically given a choice in this situation, I was just not interested in picking up yet another activity that was going to take time away from me hanging out with my friends and being a kid. My dad made me practice the piano every single day, along with having a piano tutor twice a week. In the beginning, I did enjoy it, but after a while, I felt that I wasn’t doing it for me but I was doing it to please my dad. My playing the piano turned into a type of external regulation called introjected regulation – which is feeling that one ‘should’ or ‘ought’ to do something because of reasons such as feeling bad about disappointing parents (Schneider et. al., 2012). After a while, I confronted my father about this, and he said that I will regret this decision. I do wish that I continued playing the piano because I was quite good at it and I loved playing classical pieces – but I also think that if my dad would have given me some space to get to know the instrument and come to love it on my own terms, I would have had a better chance at sticking with it. Self-determination theory is the “degree to which an individual sees himself as being autonomous and having a choice in actions and behaviors, without feeling pressured to behave in a particular manner” (Schneider et. al., 2012). I think that this theory exemplifies how I would have had a better chance to stick with the piano had I felt that I was doing it because I wanted to, because of intrinsic motivation, and not for the purpose of making my dad happy.
Best,
Hilda
I enjoyed reading your post! It was very insightful and your personal example about your friend was interesting.
You are likely correct that her expectations about always needing to receive perfect grades was why she reacted so intensely to getting a 17/20 on a spelling test, which was not at all a bad grade. It is unfortunate that incident effected her academic self-concept as well. I have also experienced issues with my own academic self-concept. My first year of college, I decided to take classes that would support eventually getting a biology degree. I was set on majoring in biology, a class that I enjoyed during high school. I failed to realize how difficult the supporting classes for that major would be (e.g. physics, chemistry). I was never gifted with skills in math, which became problematic for certain courses. I ended up doing poorly on a few essential exams, especially in chemistry, which caused me to lose a lot of motivation during the semester. When exam time came around I was hit with a wave of serious anxiety. I ended up with fairly decent grades in my chemistry courses, even though at the time of taking exams I was very doubtful of my academic ability. Although I am now hoping to receive my B.S. in psychology, a decision I am incredibly glad for making, had my academic self-concept would been higher during the time I was majoring in bio, I may have performed better in certain courses. Overall, I lacked the motivation to study for those challenging exams because I was under the impression I would not do well regardless.
We do tend to develop our behavior based off of what we perceive as normal, expected, and typical in our own lives. The differences between you and your friend’s idea of what is normal regarding your academics, does likely stem from your familial backgrounds since you mentioned you grew up in the same neighborhood, and attended the same schools. I agree that because her brothers had learning disabilities, she was probably pushed to perform exceedingly well in school. Since she was the child that was “expected” to do well, she probably took that role very seriously.
Wow. I absolutely loved your blog post. It spoke to me and was very powerful in content.
I am like your friend. This is my first year at Penn State. At my previous University, I had a 3.97 GPA. I had never received a B in a course. I hold myself to unreasonably high standards, especially academically. My self-concept derives a lot from how I perform, mostly in school because at the moment I do not hold employment. I am the oldest child and the only girl in my family. When I transferred here to Penn State, the course content as definitely more challenging for me. I jumped in courses not knowing the structure that World Campus would have in store for me. I received my first B last semester. It was literally an 89%. I cried. I beat myself up so bad. When I got my GPA of 3.580 I was absolutely devastated. I was so mad at myself and have worked so hard to pick my GPA back up for this semester and hopefully for the rest of my time here at PSU.
As a stay at home mom to two small children, one with special needs, I do not have the ability to get out much. I don’t have face to face conversations with people on a daily, or even weekly, basis. At the moment, I do not work because my son’s therapies take up every week day. Because I am a full time student, I (sometimes unintentionally) become hyperfocused on my academic performance to the point where my quality of work and grades determine my outlook on life. It is a terrible thing to admit, but it is true. I find value in myself in the quality of work I produce. As the oldest child, I want to be able to prove to my family that even though I was a bad kid growing up, I am smart and capable of anything. This is how I show it.
Very interesting blog post! Thanks for your insight.