A few years ago I felt like I was in a real funk. I wasn’t very happy with my job or my career outlook. I was not very satisfied with some of my important relationships and felt like I was behind in life compared to most friends my age. I’m not much of a reader, but my sister is. She is very driven, and has many qualities that I have always wanted for myself. I asked her what book she was reading then and told her how I had been feeling. She gave me a few titles of books that she re-reads or continuously reads, but she said that I really needed to download an audio book called The Secret. She shared that she listens to this when she is feeling down, and that her husband also listens. When they are both on The Secret, their relationship is at its peak and they communicate really well. Now, I really trust her as we share a lot of the same beliefs, so I downloaded the book and started listening. At first I was very skeptical. The claims that they were making in this book seemed a little outrageous and completely unrealistic. I got through the book in a few days and just kept thinking to myself…is she for real? Am I being punked? I listened to the book again hoping to see what she was seeing – but only to the chapters that were applicable to my specific situation. This time around I tried not to get hung up on the grand claims, but to focus on the core message.
If you haven’t seen the movie or read or listened to the book, The Secret is all about the power of attraction and positive thinking. Even though, at first, I was very skeptical the book did help me turn a corner in my outlook. Just as they say that misery loves company, positivity is also contagious. I recognized that I end up being what I think I am, and I really needed that to change.
Even though parts of the book may seem hokey, The Secret follows the same premise as optimism, pessimism and the self-fulfilling prophecy. Optimists live with a positive outlook and believe that good things will happen. Pessimists live with doubt and fear, and believe that bad things will happen to them. The self-fulfilling prophecy is the idea that however you envision the future will control your behaviors in a way that makes that envisioned future come true (Schneider, Gruman and Coutts, 2012). This is basically what The Secret is trying to convey. The social psychology of optimism and theory of learned optimism is determined by a trio of attributions (Seligman, 2011). These attributions are classified as: internal/external, stable/unstable and global/specific. A person who is optimistic would internalize good things that happen to them and contribute bad things to external factors (temporary and out of their control). A person that is pessimistic would contribute good things to external factors and internalize bad things that happen to them (permanent characteristics that cause the result, responsibility). An optimist is also going to associate good things with permanent (stable) characteristics or situations, and bad things with temporary (unstable) situations. The optimist will believe that the good outcomes are a result of something stable and will continue happening, and poor outcomes are only temporary and will not continue. Pessimists on the other hand will believe the opposite – good outcomes will be unstable and poor outcomes will be attributed to stable characteristics or situations. Finally, optimists attribute positive events with global or wide-ranging effects and negative events with specific effects that will not impact other areas of their life. Pessimists on the other hand believe that negative events are impactful to their life globally, and good things are specific.
The positive impact of optimism is obvious and there is still hope for the pessimists if they are willing to practice optimism. Coaching can be done to practice reversing the thought process of good things being external, temporary and specific and focus more on them being internal, stable and global.
Even though The Secret claims can seem a bit far-fetched, the core message and strategy is effective. Now, I still don’t believe that I can improve my eyesight overnight simply by believing it, but I can change my attitude around to increase motivation and chances for great outcomes.
“I am so happy and grateful now that…” (Byrne, 2006).
References
Byrne, R. (2006). The Secret. Atria Books/Beyond Words.
Pennsylvania State University World Campus (2018). PSYCH 424 Lesson 12: Relationships/Everyday Life. Retrieved from https://psu.instructure.com/courses/1924488/modules/items/23682639
Schneider, F., Gruman, J., Coutts, L. (2012). Applied Social Psychology. Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc.
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. New York: Free Press.
What a wonderful post! You did an amazing job weaving in the key points of perspectives on the world. I, too, struggled with pessimism after a rough go at my childhood. I spent years living life with the smallest little problem becoming the end of my world as I knew it. I lived with scarcity all of my life until now and had no idea the defeatist mentality it gave me and how it kept me from becoming truly successful. In my mid twenties, I began reading self help books and even began therapy. Every sign pointed to the same solution, just stop being pessimistic and look on the bright side of things. Although this was simple, it was far from easy. It took me near a decade to push through all of the despair and get to a place where I can turn my own negativity into positivity. But in the end, wow was that a powerful change! I attribute my current success and ambition to those years of hard work on my outlook on life. The power of positivity is truly remarkable!