Reading about depression and anxiety this week is something that I think a lot of people deal and don’t address. I know personally I am one of those people. I have extremely bad anxiety. I worry so much about everything. I worry about my job and withholding the expectations there, I worry about getting my school work done and getting a good grade, I worry about how my day is going to go as I roll out of bed in the morning, when I know that a family member or friend is traveling I worry about their safety, I mean I really could go on and on and the list would probably never end. I think the worst thing that I do is I worry about things that haven’t even happened yet or aren’t even guaranteed that they are going to happen. I will think of the worst possible case scenario and just keep dwelling on it to the point I have myself so worried that I am unfocused and feeling almost sick.
I hate that I am like this and I hate that I have never really done anything about it. I have my good days and my bad days but I am just the type of person that always tends to see the negative side of things instead of the positive side of things. Growing up I never really noticed it. I knew I was a worrier from a young age but I never noticed how bad it was or I guess what was going on. But as I got older and started to have interest in boys and have drama with friends and have attitude issues and fights with my siblings and parents then I started to realize how bad sometimes I think about things and drag myself into a negative hole.
Since getting together with my fiance a little over six years ago I feel like things have started to get a little better. He is the complete opposite of me and so he levels me out a little bit and is the bright positive thing I need in my life. He sees the good in everything and everyone and always looks at things from the most positive prospective. About two years ago we decided to go to couples counseling to try and work on communication issues and to work out some personal things that I think stemmed from his traumatizing childhood. Upon going to counseling at first we both were not excited but thought we could give it a shot. After a few sessions we really started to notice a difference.
One of the first things that our counselor mentioned was exactly what I had thought all along which was that a lot of our miscommunications came from not understanding one another. I mentioned he went through a lot of trauma in his childhood due to boot-camp, foster care, no male father figure at all in his life etc. And I grew up with what he called a “perfect life”. I would not say that at all but when comparing my life to his I could see how he would think that. Upon talking about some of our concerns I could see that she was starting to turn her focus to me and we ended up having a few sessions alone and she told me she was certain that I had generalized anxiety disorder. She said that she couldn’t diagnosis me officially or prescribe me medication, but she strongly thought that I should talk to someone who could and she told me she worked closely with a doctor that I could go see.
I quickly shut that down and was not interested what so ever in her offer. I have no negative opinion towards those who choose to medicate. I will be the first to admit that I have seen the wonders that medication can do for a person however I just didn’t think it was for me. And to this day I still have not taken medication. I have talked open and honestly with all the important and close people in my life about my anxiety and they all basically tell me they knew for a long time. Some of my co-workers I have even talked to about it and they complement me on how well I handle myself at work because they can barely tell. I take pride in knowing that I have it under control or so it seems and that I do not have to medicate. The fall of this past year I started going to the gym and I really noticed a difference between the days I would go and the days I wouldn’t (Gulf Bend MHMR Center). I feel like it really just helped me clear my mind. Mentioned in the Gulf Bend MHMR Center article there is a discussion of progressive muscle relaxation this isn’t exactly what I do at the gym but it is something that I would say can be related to my gym activities and how it makes me feel. With this process the idea is to relax the muscles and be able to focus on major muscle groups (Gulf Bend MHMR Center). When comparing this back to my gym workouts, I most certainly am not relaxing my muscles I am working them actually but I am working different muscle groups each time I go and I feel a sense of relaxation at the gym. I usually power away on the treadmill or the elliptical and by the end of it I feel very accomplished and good about my workout. Sadly within the last few weeks I haven’t been going as much as I wish but with life sometimes it is just hard to get done everything you want to get done in a day.
Now that I have shared basically what feels like my whole life story I have to say that I think this goes back to the biomedical and biopsychosocial models. I personally have not taken the steps towards the biomedical model but I know that it is an option and it is ones that professionals have discussed with me as a choice. As for the biopsychosocial model I have to say that I have plenty of experience with this model and I am one that can say it has helped and counseling is something I strongly suggest to anyone dealing with a disorder such as anxiety or depression.
Gulf Bend MHMR Center. (n.d.). Retrieved February 11, 2020, from https://www.gulfbend.org/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=38506&cn=1