Jealousy in Relationships
Most people tend to look at jealousy as a bad thing, but is it always a bad thing? Jealousy can be viewed as good and bad in many cases during a relationship. Of course, most times it is actually a bad thing to be jealous but in some cases it can actually save the relationship and make the relationship stronger. Jealousy is known as the emotional response to an imagined or a real threat of losing your romantic relationship or something of value (Attridge, 2013). Jealousy in relationships usually occurs when one of the partners feels as if they are going to lose their significant other to another person. Jealousy is actually very natural in a romantic relationship and it is expected when the other partner feels threatened by another potential involvement with the other partner (Attridge, 2013). This can be harmful to the relationship, but it can also make the relationship stronger.
Many people tend to feel jealous in the beginning of a relationship when they are just getting to know their romantic partner. Sometimes this happens because of how they were treated in their previous relationship, where they were left with trust issues. If the person has trust issues and it is hard for them to trust the partner in their relationship, it can cause jealousy because they will overthink what their partner is doing at all times, and they will question what they are doing and who they are with at all times. This is very unhealthy, and their partner needs to teach them how to trust them and show them that they are faithful in the relationship. When jealousy starts out like this in the relationship, the other partner has to show that they can be trusted and that the other partner should not feel threatened in their relationship. Feeling threatened is one of the negative aspects to jealousy in a relationship and that comes with hurt and bad or negative thoughts about the other partner (Attridge, 2013). This is when the jealousy starts to get worse and it turns into bad jealousy.
When there is bad jealousy in a relationship it can become very toxic. Toxic meaning that the partners are constantly arguing and they do not trust each other at all, this can lead to violence where the partners are hitting each other and causing physical abuse or verbal abuse within each other. This is not healthy for a relationship. A relationship should not have this type of jealousy because all it will do is cause harm to the relationship and cause the relationship to fail. Now, on the other hand, there is good jealousy. Good jealousy is actually associated with having greater love for the relationship and one another in the relationship (Attridge, 2013). With this jealousy the other partner can see that their partner just fears losing them which will cause the relationship to get stronger. The partners will see that they do not want to lose each other and it will cause a stronger bond between the two of them and will allow for them to get closer as a couple. This is the good jealousy and the jealousy that every couple should practice, and not the bad type of jealousy.
Jealousy is big when it comes to relationships. It happens in almost all relationships, but depending on which jealousy occurs in the relationship it can be good or bad. Although most people associate jealousy with negative words such as threatened, hurt, and violence, there is good jealousy like it was mentioned before. Good jealousy only means that you have so much love for your partner that you fear losing them. This is the good jealousy that should be practiced in relationships and not the bad jealousy. The bad jealousy can become very harmful in a relationship and can cause physical and verbal abuse. This should automatically be put to a stop and not go any further. Jealousy can either be good or bad, but you and your partner have to choose which one you’ll practice in your relationship.
Work Cited:
Attridge, M. (2013). Jealousy and relationship closeness. SAGE Open, 3(1), 215824401347605. https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244013476054
I think that by saying jealousy can help a relationship and bring two people closer is almost equivalent to saying that infidelity can bring two people closer and help the relationship. Although this is not false in every single case, but to say one size fits all is wrong in my opinion. I also think it is wrong to normalize and accept paranoid/suspicious behavior in fear of humiliation and infidelity or the loss of your partner (Psychology Today, 2022). This is regardless of if the threat is real or imagined.
Jealousy in an intimate relationship may seem cute or attractive to an inexperienced person, but anyone who has been around the block a couple times, who has a firm grasp on what a healthy relationship is, would disagree. Jealousy is not synonymous with the anger or hurt felt through finding out your partner has been cheating or lying. To me, jealousy is an act of attempted control over a person or situation. You feel jealous because you cannot control the outcome of a situation or your partners thoughts/feelings.
How do we mitigate that? It is much easier said than done, as with most complexities. I think it is important to remind ourselves of a few things when engaging in relationships, especially new ones. For one, we cannot have control over everything, nor should we want to. Your partner, just like you, are going to do what they are going to do regardless of your insecurities or paranoia. If your partner decides to act shady, out of pocket, or however you want to word it. Just say thank you and move on. Like I said though, it is much easier said than done.
Going back to my first paragraph, there are many struggles or muddy waters than can arise while in a close relationship with someone. You have to take the good with the bad because obviously no one is perfect. However, that does not mean you have to accept actions of infidelity or jealousy. Each relationship is different, as is each person. Not all rules apply to all relationships, and I think it is important to remember that. We can get too hung up on our own expectations with others and not allow the space for another to grow in order to meet them where they are at.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/jealousy