Chapters 15 and 17 were my favorites this semester. They aligned completely with my goals and interests and helped to solidify information I learned in my past work as a dating coach and matchmaker. I’ve long heard that proximity and repeat exposure tend to increase the likelihood of attraction forming between two people, but I wasn’t sure how people can make the leap from passing attraction to relationship in social scientifically validated processes.
When I was a matchmaker, I interviewed another, more experienced matchmaker based out of DC. She addressed the phenomena of both parties who are interested in each other waiting for a sign from the other person to truly feel comfortable and able to open up and show interest in return. She basically noted how most people end up waiting and then nothing ever happens. Reading chapter 15, I was reminded at how easy dating and connection could be if we just let ourselves be open to the process, including disappointment and rejection.
My favorite concept was that of attribution retraining and learning how to view the world as it is and not through the frames of pain and hurt that we’ve learned to interpret others actions through. By learning to detached from the process of dating, and any sort of relationship building, we can move into it wholehearted and more resilient to negative outcomes.
If we can learn not to attribute negative or positive things in such a way that limits our self world and sense of agency, we can have far better outcomes connecting with others in a way that is authentic, healthy, and guided by ones values and boundaries.