“Black sexual minority men reported the highest levels of racial/ethnic stigma in LGBT spaces, and White sexual minority men reported the lowest levels” (McConnell and Simons-Rudolph, n.d).
Surprised? You shouldn’t be. For a community that preaches about tolerance, diversity, acceptance, and inclusion, the LGBTQ+ community is, without question, one of the most internally segregated spaces I have ever encountered.
Yet, I’ve really got no choice but to identify with it.
You see, I am a Black, gay man, an interesting paradox in a world of paradoxes. I say that because my experience with discrimination is three-fold. I have experienced discrimination at the hands of certain white people for being Black, Black people for being gay, and gay people for being Black AND gay. Talk about a losing hand. But it’s the one I’ve been dealt, and for these 40+ years, I’ve tried to play these cards as adeptly as possible.
There was a time in my early 20s that I was bitter about it. It didn’t seem fair to me that I didn’t really “fit in” anyplace, especially among the two communities in which I ought to feel the most comfortable. A lot of my Black friends treated me differently when I came out to them; I guess they were expecting the stereotypical “dancing queen”, and when they didn’t get that, they didn’t know what to do with me. So many Black gay men tend to embrace the “Black queen” stereotype, complete with finger-snapping, head swiveling, and sassy commentary. But that wasn’t me, not on a day-to-day basis, anyway. I think, in retrospect, that the fact that they couldn’t readily label me as gay made me a threat somehow, like I was a “secret agent” of some sort.
It’s almost as if they thought I was “passing” for straight.
And the gay community? Well, there were people who wanted to sleep with me; one of them was so bold as to tell me he wanted to “see if the rumors were true”. I assume he was referring to my genitalia, not my charming personality. However, when it came time to enter into an honest to goodness relationship with someone who happened to be white, I was either rejected outright, or offered a hookup as an act of charity.
Don’t misunderstand; people are certainly entitled to their preferences. But when those preferences outright exclude people for characteristics they can’t or don’t control, that’s just plain bigotry and racism. So, for a long time, I felt relegated to the realm of “fetish”. It was cool for the white kids to hook up with a Black guy, but dating one was out of the question.
The 50s called; they applaud your mentality.
I think in its push to be seen as being just as good as white, heterosexual society, both the gays and the Blacks have found people like me to be the Black sheep (pardon the pun) of the community. We’re the cousin everyone is aware of, but no one dares to talk about.
That isn’t to say there’s no use for us, though. When the sistas want their hair done or need their mugs beat (makeup applied, for the uninitiated), who do they come to? When the church needs a choir director to add a little “flavor” to a boring service, who do they appoint as choir director? When the gays need a sassy comeback, a new catchphrase, or a dance move to spice up their drag routines, who do they steal it from?
Now, it simultaneously amuses and saddens me. We’re acceptable when you need us, but castigated to the shadows (or worse, Hell) when you don’t. It shows me that, even in the face of discrimination, some people will still seek to find someone to discriminate against. Maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. Or maybe it really is the result of the push to be “equal”; if that’s what they do, maybe we should do it, too. All I know is that whatever the cause, I’d like to think that younger generations will smarter than my peers were, and to a degree, still are.
They’d better – if they truly want to be equal.
Reference
McConnell, E. A., & Simons-Rudolph, A. (n.d.). People of color experience discrimination within LGBT spaces. Community Psychology: Social Justice Through Collaborative Research and Action. Retrieved July 16, 2022, from https://www.communitypsychology.com/people-of-color-experience-discrimination-within-lgbt-spaces/