When the pandemic happened and everything changed to zoom instruction, I could no longer see my beloved coworkers in person. I was very thankful to be transitioning to a new job during this difficult time period. It was bittersweet saying goodbye to my old coworkers and hello to my new work family. I remember before transitioning, we were on zoom and I did not feel the same connection online with my peers as I did in person. Seemingly, when I started my new job, which started also on zoom, it was very awkward because I did not know any of these people and it was a new environment.
It was a very hard transition for me because I felt very awkward trying to teach students online when they all had their screens off and we’re not even present. It was very hard to build rapport with people I had never met through a screen. It made it even more difficult because these kids were teens and obviously did not want to be there. Had I already known these individuals, I guarantee it would not have been as awkward as it was.
When I finally was able to meet these same students I had been teaching over zoom, I made some real connections with them. These kids were no longer just black, muted screens. They were real teenagers with real struggles. I got to know them more deeply then I ever thought I would. We built real trusting relationships. They could share with me anything they felt comfortable telling me. I would help them with more than just Math and English. They would tell me about their teenage drama, too. I still miss those students so much. They have graduated but they are still my favorite bunch of kids.
What a huge difference it is to put a face to a name and seeing their personalities and talents as well. Building bonds with my new coworkers was also much easier in person. There is something special about human interaction that cannot be replicated through a screen. One component of a positive sense of community is a shared emotional connection. Members of the community “will feel a shared bond with others within their community” (Gruman et al, 2016). Another component is membership which dives into the emotional safety provided within a community. Those children shared their personal struggles with me because they felt safe within our community after building a strong bond. I will cherish those kids and our time together for years to come.
Reference
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., & Coutts, L. M. (Eds.). (2016). Applied social psychology : Understanding and addressing social and practical problems. SAGE Publications, Incorporated.
Wow, this post is beautiful. I love this story. I’m so glad you were finally able to meet your teenagers in person, and it makes me happy to hear that they felt comfortable enough to share their teenage struggles with you. Teenage struggles are underrated by adults. It’s hard navigating hormones, emotions, and relationships. I’m so glad you could build that in-person connection with them.
This is a powerful argument as to why meeting in-person is different than meeting online. It’s tough. There are certainly pros and cons to both. In your article you mentioned that had you already had a relationship with your students beforehand, the interactions wouldn’t have been as awkward. This may imply that online communication is a good way to reinforce in-person interactions. I agree with this.
In contrast, some of my best relationships are completely virtual, which is quite strange actually. I worked for a tele-health company where I met absolutely wonderful coworkers (probably the best coworkers I’ve ever had). Our relationship was exclusively virtual, with the exception of every once in a while I’ll travel to see some of my coworkers in NYC. At least two of my letters of recommendation are coming from people who I have completely virtual relationships with. And ironically, my boss who I have an in-person relationship with, I can not stand. I don’t agree with his values and I truly wish we had more distance so I could speak to him less than I already do.
I found a research article that talks about couples who met online. Romantic relationships are probably the most testing relationships humans enter, besides the one with your kids in my opinion. Baker (2004) states that “people who first met in places based upon common interests, who communicated for long periods of time before meeting offline without too much intimacy, who worked through barriers to becoming closer, and who negotiated conflict well tended to stay together.” I thought you’d find this interesting, since it’s related to relationships that start online and later go offline. May some of this advice could pour into other kinds of relationships as well, such as friendships, teacher-student relationships, etc.
References
Baker, A. (2002). What Makes an Online Relationship Successful? Clues from Couples who Met in Cyberspace. CyberPsychology &Amp; Behavior, 5(4), 363–375. https://doi.org/10.1089/109493102760275617