It’s not an understatement to say that I have lofty dreams here, but over the course of the last 8 years, especially since joining the world of social psychology, I have seen just how many roads come back to elements that are being taught as part of a comprehensive sex education program. Our readings this week about the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (OBPP) showed their use of varying levels of implementation from the community, classrooms, parents, and individuals to enact substantial change to limit bullying and unify children (Olweus & Limber, 2010). I kept thinking about how the entire curriculum fell into my favorite topic, comprehensive sex ed (CSE), and how beneficial they would be working in tandem as a part of a whole human youth intervention (I will admit I spent far too long working on an acronym to only come up with WHO RU, which needless to say, sends the last message sex ed ever needs!).
I have written in previous blogs of mine how comprehensive sex education curriculums go far beyond teaching about just sex. The very thing people fear or get nervous about as part of the curriculum is just the tip of the iceberg. The main principles taught about in sex education curriculums, the comprehensive ones at least (abstinence-only curriculums mostly need not apply here) are of personal autonomy, educated decision-making, increasing respect for yourself and others, boundaries, expression of desires wants and needs, communication skills, care and compassion for yourself and others. A comprehensive sex education curriculum is the ultimate of life interventions as it starts with age-appropriate material from a very young age and prepares kids for all facets of intimate relationships throughout life.
Young elementary school children can begin by learning self-expression, what touches are appropriate and inappropriate, appropriate medical terminology of their body parts, who is and is not allowed to touch them as well as how and where, how words can be hurtful, how to listen to how you feel and how to then express yourself with clarity and care for the feelings of everyone involved. Obviously, none of that has anything to do with sex right? These tools would be applicable in any number of situations from the sharing of a most desired toy or bullying on the playground, to being able to identify and report sexual abuse. Who would have a problem with their child learning any of those elements?
As children get a little older, and wiser and with the changing of hormones and the onset of first budding relationships, their need for more understanding and a bigger toolbox becomes more apparent. Middle school is not exactly the age you would like to think of kids becoming sexually active, but for many, exploration begins here, and for those unprepared, can go far beyond what they wanted or are ready for. CSE can help our youth understand these changes to their body, their friends, and the new big influences in their lives that can feel overwhelming. Why is their best friend suddenly no longer interested in hanging out, why is their best friend changing how they behave around them, why are they not interested in anyone yet, what is all this stuff!? These changes can be scary for kids and many are reluctant to discuss what is going on in their lives with their parents. Parents may have no idea how to even begin to explain it, let alone with much accuracy, and can unknowingly or even purposefully fill kids with shame that they may carry for a lifetime. Many parents feel it is their job to teach about sex, but many also admit it just isn’t happening, leaving many kids without any intimate education (Robinson et al., 2017).
High school, as we all know, is middle school run rampant. Schoolwork is harder, relationships are harder. The pressure, all of them, are amplified and this includes pressures for sex, coercive behaviors, and manipulative behaviors. Once strong-headed sweet kids, become raging hormone demons who may go well beyond their best cool-headed boundaries in the heat of the moment. Many of you reading may look back and think, “man, if I only knew then what I know now I’d have maybe made some different choices”. And that’s true, maybe you would have, maybe not. It is at this age that we see many lives change forever with unplanned pregnancies, rape, abuse, impatient decisions, and plenty of potential regrets. Kids are thrown into the fire (smores not included). CSE certainly cannot fix everything, but the science shows the benefits, delayed onset of sexual debut, decreased unplanned pregnancies, and STD/STIs, so we know it can decrease unwanted outcomes and the ones every parent and kid fears (Stanger-Hall & Hall, 2011). Kids who have been engaged in CSE are much better prepared to face these hormone-filled situations with a bit more clarity, with the tools and oftentimes the verbiage and practice to be able to stand firm for their desires, practicing consensual dialogues, and understand the effects of peer pressure, coercion and the influence of alcohol and drugs.
I once dreamed of being a therapist, I started by becoming a sex and relationship coach, hosting discussions with groups and talking to countless grown people about sex and relationships. So many had poor interpersonal communication skills and lacked the ability to be vulnerable with their partners. Many had no idea what they wanted out of a relationship and reported just falling into them, only to realize they were blinded by lust or someone’s best behavior. So many were so closed off to their sexual nature, so filled with shame, that it invaded every aspect of their lives and led to debilitating sexual dysfunctions and relationship issues. I became so distraught that so many people were so hurt and grown adults lacked the skills and knowledge to even recognize their own wants and needs in relationships. Our most basic emotional need is to belong and to feel and give love, and so many were lost in the woods.
Everywhere I look and I see pain, anger, mistrust, or someone hurting someone, I see a hurt child who wasn’t taught love and respect. They weren’t shown how to cultivate a world that made them feel good and they could make feel good in return. I see abused and battered people, the cycle of abuse, angry incel boys and bullies just desperate for kindness and affection and the space to feel all of their big feelings. I see how all of this fear of SEX ed, is limiting us from the chance for healing future generations because of a fraction of the content. But most of all, I do see the path, or at least a path, to heal the world. But first, maybe a name change is in order…
References:
Olweus, D., & Limber, S. P. (2010). Bullying in school: Evaluation and dissemination of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80(1), 124–134. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01015.x
Robinson, K., Smith, E., & Davies, C. (2017). Responsibilities, tensions and ways forward: Parents’ perspectives on children’s sexuality education. Sex Education, 17, 1–15. https://doi.org/10.1080/14681811.2017.1301904
Stanger-Hall, K. F., & Hall, D. W. (2011). Abstinence-Only Education and Teen Pregnancy Rates: Why We Need Comprehensive Sex Education in the U.S. PLoS ONE, 6(10), e24658. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0024658
I really, really enjoyed this post and I absolutely agree with you: comprehensive sex education teaches so much more than ‘the birds and the bees’. Communication, respect, boundaries, personal autonomy, these are all things that should be taught early on, but especially in regards to our sexuality because it’s such a raw and vulnerable part of our love/belonging need.
I also agree with the other commenter that like every other aspect of education, it needs to be done with inclusion as a priority. As a sped teacher who works with the low-incidence disabled population, my students are usually left out of the conversation particularly when it comes to sex and sex education, which is frustrating to no end. Our goal should be empowering everyone, but especially the people whose voices haven’t been heard.
References:
Gruman, J.A., Schneider, F.W., & Coutts, L.A. (2017). Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage.
Sex is a complex topic. Many times, this topic makes people nervous and uncomfortable. This happens to adults let alone children who are just finding out about sex for the first time. Sexual education curriculum in the past has taught abstinence only and the dangerous of sexually transmitted infections. Theses are great things to teach but there need to be more. It needs to be an open dialogue and go beyond the curriculum.
Sex is a very vulnerable topic especially if you do not fit the model of how the curriculum is taught for example if you are transgender, gay, lesbian, or asexual. This can cause embarrassment and confusion from a curriculum that is not inclusive of everyone. When student is not taught inclusivity, this can lead to bullying. Olweus Bullying Prevention Program (OBPP) showed their use of varying levels of implementation from the community classroom, parents, and individuals to enact substantial change to limit bullying and unify children. (Olweus and Limber, 2010.) bullying can start in the classroom and lead into other areas of your life such as home life, community, sports, and schooling. This starts at a very young age.
Into the high school years sexually experimentation is on the raise, and this can lead to more bullying. Many students are jealous that they aren’t experiencing, or they are experiencing more sexual activity. This can lead to judgment and sex shaming. The curriculum has to change to help inclusivity and decrease bullying. Teachers and parents can not turn a blind eye to sex shaming or name calling.
References
Olweus, D., & Limber, S. P. (2010). Bullying in school: Evaluation and dissemination of the Olweus Bullying Prevention Program. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 80(1), 124–134. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1939-0025.2010.01015.x
Stanger-Hall, K. F., & Hall, D. W. (2011). Abstinence-Only Education and Teen Pregnancy Rates: Why We Need Comprehensive Sex Education in the U.S. PLoS ONE, 6(10), e24658. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0024658