Indeed, physical attractiveness matters. This is proven by a study which found that attractive people are judged more positively than ugly people are, including a higher social appeal, but also in various forms of competence (Gruman et al., 2017, p. 424). Yes, that’s right folks, people think you’re smarter if you’re pretty; how stupid is that!
This did raise a curious inquiry deep in my soul, however. How in the hell did Jeremy get Justine? Allow me to explain. Jeremy was a friend of mine from college. He was a great guy. No, really. a great guy. However, he was… how you say… attractively challenged. He had a full head of hair, which you could see because he was so darn short. He had definition all over his body, mostly because he was skin and bones. His smile absolutely lit up the sky… Because his braces could be seen from Mars. In short, my buddy Jeremy was an utter dumpster fire.
Justine? A complete 150 out of 10, immediate transfusion-requiring nosebleed knockout. Earth’s magnetic field shifted around this woman’s sheer radiance, and men just glided in her direction wherever she went. Justine was (and is) madly in love with Jeremy.
As I read this week’s chapter, I wondered whether it was the “T-Shirt Study” that could explain this phenomenon, since their interests and values seemed to match well (Gruman et al., 2017, p. 430).
However, this also seemed not to be the case, as Justine fell hard for this man (not via fainting from the shock and horror of his volcano face) before she ever had a chance to know him. This is one of those bizarre instances of Beauty and the Beast Naked Mole-Rat that I simply couldn’t get through my head.
But I began to really analyze what made Jeremy attractive, and found something pretty compelling. His presence. I have yet to totally conceptualize what makes up a person’s presence, but I’ve narrowed it down just enough for a rough idea.
Jeremy is incredibly substantive in a way that only Jeremy can be. He has almost an entirely internal locus of control. In addition, he is quite the optimist, which is somewhat described with the theory of attribution; optimists attribute positive results with internal factors, and negative results with outside factors (Gruman et al., 2017, p. 461).
Jeremy is one of those guys that is full of both pathway thinking, meaning that he knows which steps to take in order to reach his goals, and agency thinking, which is high willpower/mastery (Gruman et al., 2017, p. 472).
Perhaps most importantly, Jeremy was a fully actualized man. The book sort of glosses over the topic of actualization, but my idea of actualization kind of corresponds with Carl Jung’s theory of the shadow, which can be summarized as the realization of whichever aspects of the self are hidden away from not only others, but also the self (Perry, 2015).
Jeremy had confronted his stepfather, who was beating his mother, earlier in his youth through a physical confrontation in which he won (with the help of a frying pan that now bears a nice mold in the shape of his stepfather’s face). Afterwards, he had confronted the guilt of not only his actions, but also how much he enjoyed beating his stepfather into a bloody pulp.
He found the malevolence within himself and had to reconcile that with his desire to be good. In doing so, he not only took responsibility for himself, but also for his potential for destruction. The funny thing is, as paradoxical as it sounds, Jeremy became optimistic and found his internal locus of control by examining his own malevolence.
So while our peers were rambling on about political ideologies and proclaiming moral superiority during college rallies, Jeremy was quietly building himself 1% better every day. That 1% per day meant that every 3 months, Jeremy was double the man he had been.
In the words of the often controversial (but in this topic, spot on) psychologist Jordan Peterson, “There’s a difference between being harmless and being good.”
Jeremy understood his potential, realized that he too possessed malevolence, and was choosing to be good whenever possible. Justine didn’t see a short, pimply, brace-faced nerd. Justine was looking at a monster who had tamed himself and protected his family using the very same potential that he could’ve used for destruction.
It took me entering a career in war to learn and become what Jeremy achieved in high school through nothing but a dented frying pan and a “Give ’em hell!” attitude.
You know, on second thought, I’m starting to think Jeremy is one sexy dude.
Sources:
Gruman, J., Schneider, F., & Coutts, L. (Eds.) (2017). Applied social psychology. SAGE Publications, Inc, https://doi.org/10.4135/9781071800591
Perry, C. (2015, August 12). The Shadow. Society of Analytical Psychology. https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/the-shadow/
Attraction is a complicated thing, and understanding how certain folk can get in relationships with people who would be considered out of their league is a conundrum. Jeremy sounds like an awesome guy, and I’m positive exactly what you said is surely the reason for why Justine is attracted to him. This could be due to the attraction towards individuals who have a deontological moral decision-making personality, rather than a utilitarian moral decision-making personality.
Deontological decisions are rule based, such as, all killing is wrong, where utilitarian decisions are more cost-benefit, where it would be acceptable for one person to perish in order for others to be saved (Sacco et al., 2016, p. 136). It was found that deontological moral decision makers were considered more likable and trustworthy, compared to utilitarian moral decision makers (Sacco et al., 2016, p. 130). In fact, it was shown that women have less geniality towards utilitarian moral decision makers than men have towards them (Sacco et al., 2016, p. 130). So, if someone is displaying a deontological personality and making decisions that morally benefit the social group, there is a greater likelihood that the social group would find the person likeable and trustworthy, and in some cases, more attractive. This can also go for individuals, regardless of their role in the social group.
As someone becomes more amicable and kinder, there is a higher chance that they will in turn be considered attractive. Unfortunately, people are more likely to believe objectively attractive people as having considerably more moral traits (Klebl et al., 2021). But in other research from Kreuzberg (2020) they found that women value emotional stability and warmth in contrast to attractiveness in long term relationships (p. 14). This could also play a major role in Justine’s attraction towards Jeremy. Scientifically speaking, Jeremy is the perfect partner for folks looking for a long-term relationship!
References
Klebl, C., Rhee, J. J., Greenaway, K. H., Luo, Y., & Bastian, B. (2021). Beauty goes down to the core: attractiveness biases moral character attributions. Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, 46(1), 83–97. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10919-021-00388-w
Kreuzberg, M. S. (2020). Perceived Motives and Mental Health Characteristics of the Incel Men: What Incel men think Women value in a Mate vs. Women’s actual Mate Preference [Bachelor Thesis Positive Psychology & Technology]. University of Twente.
Sacco, D. F., Brown, M., Lustgraaf, C. J. N., & Hugenberg, K. (2016). The adaptive utility of deontology: deontological moral Decision-Making fosters perceptions of trust and likeability. Evolutionary Psychological Science, 3(2), 125–132. https://doi.org/10.1007/s40806-016-0080-6