The pressure of society has its way of manipulating thoughts, opinions, and even our actions and they can restructure a person and shape them into someone they never thought they would be. The pressures of everyday life and ideas of perfection can destroy a person and their self-image so deeply that there can seem like there is no hope of ever coming back to who they once were. How does this affect the everyday mother? The everyday duties of a mother can be so overwhelming, that one day she wakes up and is surrounded by so many “to-do’s” and pending judgments from others she can’t even manage to find her way out of bed. Once upon a time, a super-mom’s only kryptonite could be seen as her mother-in-law and the inevitable criticism that would follow her uninvited visits. However, today’s society offers a great deal more pressure. From social media to news outlets, to the PTA, a mother faces not only the opinions of her family, but those on the outside looking in. A mother is not only judged by her performance, but by the diapers she uses and the method she chooses to feed her child. A mother is shamed when she publically breastfeeds but then in the seat next to her, a woman is shamed for formula feeding her new born. The pressure does not stop there. A mother faces criticism if she is a working mom and is accused of abandoning her children. However, a woman is seen as a failure and freeloader if she chooses to stay at home and nurture her children there. She again is faced with the choice of public school vs. private school vs. homeschooling. If she chooses to home school, she is seen as shielding her children from reality. If she chooses private school, she is viewed as being too snobby for the rest of society. If she chooses public school for her children, she is criticized for not offering her children the greatest sense of security and highest levels of education. Does it stop there? Not in the least. A mother also faces criticism on the grounds of discipline. Is spanking an appropriate form of reprimand or should one choose a milder form of punishment? Should one go with a positive reinforcement method that offers more exposure to natural consequence or should one choose a punishment for the purpose of extinguishing unwanted behaviors. Do members of society account for the differences between each child before they judge the mother or do they consider the unexpected variables that each child may bring, such as a diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, or health issues that must be handled on an individual basis? The decisions are countless that a mother must make for her children, but then again, so are the aggressive judgments of the rest of the world. A mother can quickly fall in into a depressive state if she does not secure a place to help her handle the overwhelming tasks that motherhood demands.
So what can be done to help moms who face these every day struggles? Well, until the winds of change shift in favor of the earthly bearers of children and their individual parenting methods and bring silence to the disparagers of motherhood, it is up to her to seek guidance from a licensed professional if her situation merits this. Even for a woman who is well versed in the art of child rearing, the pressures can be too great to handle on her own. One of the best ways a mother can successfully overcome depressive states is to seek counseling rather than attempting to handle the situation alone. An article published by parents.com, titled “How Depression Affects Your Family”, states: As many as two thirds of all depressed women suffer in silence. Perhaps this is because of the stigma attached to mental illness — or because mothers are so focused on their families that they disregard their own well-being, says Peter Jensen, M.D., director of the Center for the Advancement of Children’s Health at Columbia University College of Physicians and Surgeons, in New York City. Even moms who recognize their symptoms often assume they’re just stressed and will eventually snap out of it — or they try to tough it out on their own for fear of being considered weak or crazy. However, research has found that the longer your symptoms go untreated, the more likely you’ll be to suffer from future episodes of depression. Getting treatment is as essential for depression as it is for diabetes, because moderate to severe depression rarely goes away on its own” (Kase, Lori Miller, 2003). The added stress of the stigma regarding mental illness often adds to a mother’s depression. Although there may not appear to be a quick fix to the stigmatic appearance of counseling, the benefits of counseling far outweigh a label that mothers may fear is being placed upon them. A question that could be asked is how does counseling benefit a mother who is depressed? In many cases, counseling can help a mother the same way it can help anyone else cope with depression and anxiety. According to the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance, “talk therapy (also known as psychotherapy) can be an important part of treatment for depression or bipolar disorder. A good therapist can help you cope with feelings, problem solve and change behavior patterns that may contribute to your symptoms” (dbsalliance.org, 2016). Talk therapy counseling helps mothers to work through her issues that are in the present. Although a therapist may offer time to reflect on past issues, the primary focus is on her present state of mind and what is triggering those feelings. Talk therapy offers so many benefits when it comes to overcoming depression. Some of those areas are: an understanding of the current mental health conditions, define and reach wellness goals, overcome fears and insecurities, coping with stress, making sense of any past experiences that may have been traumatic, it also helps to separate true personality from moods caused by current conditions, identify triggers that may worsen symptoms, improve relationships with family and friends, and it helps to develop a plan for coping with crisis. In addition, talk therapy also helps the patient learn why things are bothersome and what to do about them. (dbsalliance.org, 2016). In some cases, further types of counseling may be required, such as seeking the assistance of a psychiatrist if the situation merits it.
Motherhood can be an overwhelming time, but it can also produce the best memories and experiences a person can have. The joys can far outweigh the negativity when feelings and thoughts are addressed immediately and appropriately. Counseling is essential for those who are overwhelmed and depressed in order to maximize the joy and positive experiences in their lives. Mothers can combat incidences of depression with help and without shame in order to provide the best futures for their children, their families, and themselves.
References:
Kase, Lori Miller. (2003). How Depression Affects Your Family. Parents. Retrieved from https://www.parents.com/baby/health/postpartum-depression/how-depression-affects-your-family/
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance. 2016. Therapy. Retrieved from http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=wellness_brochures_psychotherapy