Think about the communities you belong to – including online communities. You probably have certain groups you like to interact with that share your common interests. Maybe these groups offer something to you that improves your life, even if it’s just companionship. You might even have communities within your work center in which you build relationships. Have you ever considered how you became a part of these communities?
Your membership in certain communities is most likely due to the benefits or “rewards” you get from being part of the community. It could be services, support, or even friendship. But more often than not, you belong to a community because it gives you something back. If that’s the case, you’ve fallen into the social exchange trap.
The social exchange theory tells us that people calculate cost versus reward when anticipating something they want to do (Gruman, Schneider, & Coutts, 2017). If you feel that you’re losing more than you’re gaining, you’re probably going to stay away from the situation. It’s human nature to wants rewards for everything we do, so why would play in a losing game?
This doesn’t just happen with personal communities. The social exchange theory works in many aspects. It occurs in friendships, relationships, families, careers, and businesses. When you start to feel like you’re not reaping benefits and it’s becoming too costly, you’re probably going to leave that community or situation and find something else. While life shouldn’t solely be based around rewards, it’s hard to be selfless.
Knowing what you know now about social exchange theory, I encourage you to look back at certain aspects of your life and see where it has come into play. Have you ended relationships or cut ties because they no longer felt rewarding? Or have you ever pushed through a situation and remained selfless for the benefit of someone else? It’s a double-edged sword because someone will always benefit, but hopefully everyone feels rewarded.
Reference:
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., and Coutts, L. M. (Eds.) (2017). Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.