It is crazy to say, but as you all know, this weekend is already Easter. Unfortunately, Penn State is not giving students spring break, but I have still decided to come home for the holiday and the weekend. I have not come home much at all, so it will be very nice to visit family and friends. I am so excited to have all my friends in one place again. I miss just being able to walk or only have a five-minute drive to see them. Last summer we spent almost every day together. I am not exaggerating when I say we were constantly with each other. We practically lived at each other’s houses, and due to the circumstances of covid, we spent most of our time either outside or at someone’s house. I have had these friends since such a young age it is still shocking to me to see how we have practically grown together, as well as our families.

Little back story, but I made a few of these friends in elementary school, and then we have been together ever since. Along the way all through junior high and high school, we got closer with a lot more people and now we have such a great friend group with really close families. They are practically like another set of brothers and sisters. They are my absolute best friends, and I would have no idea what I would do without them. I am hopeful while we are all home for the weekend that we have some warm, sunny weather. It would make the time feel like the “good old days” from summer. From bonfires to drive-ins, sleepovers, beach trips, little adventures, and the spontaneous hanging out to just go get ice cream or go on a walk, these are all things I cannot wait for!

Don’t get me wrong, I love being up here at state college and being on campus. However, I am looking forward to a little break from schoolwork and the stress. I will definitely be making small trips quite frequently to the state college area. Luckily it is only a 45 minute trip for me. During the summer I am looking forward to a number of things to do. In May I am excited to be attending one of my first lantern festivals in Pittsburgh. It has always been a dream of mine ever since a little girl after watching the Disney movie, Tangled. Since finals are rapidly approaching, I am definitely counting down the days when it is officially summertime again.

Like I have said a number of times before, the weeks and days are flying by at this point in the semester. This week was a pretty standard week, nothing too crazy or eventful that I feel I need to share. This week mainly included me trying to get over a cold. To be honest, I was nervous I had covid at a point in time this week, but after two negative tests, I think I am good. I spent almost all of Wednesday in bed which was much needed. I slept the whole day, but I feel way better now. Much of the time I spent in bed was occupied by looking at classes for next year.

With little time left this semester, that means scheduling for Fall 2021 will be approaching quickly. It is still early for freshmen to know exactly what we plan on doing with our majors and or future careers, but it is still important. Overwhelming is definitely an understatement when it comes to all the decisions and preparation that are still yet to come. Having a roommate who knows exactly what she needs and has to do for her future can be intimidating at times because I have an idea of where I would like to end up, but I still have no clue at the same time. For example, she knows she has to take part in summer courses just to fit in all her credits, while I do not know the exact credits I need to have. They always say you should never feel alone because there are others in the same boat, but it is hard to do when the person you live with and are super close with seems to have everything planned out. I know there are others out there who are feeling the same way, it can just be stressful when everyone seems to have their next few years all planned out for college and what courses and things they have to complete. This is something that will all come with time, and this is just another reminder to live in the moment because everything will work out.

Currently, I am taking the course Psych 105. Anyone who is or plans on attending Penn State with a major in psychology should absolutely take this class. I one hundred percent recommend taking it. In this course, you learn about all the careers and pathways that psychology can lead to. The professor gives great resources and gives so much help in what you must do specifically to your path. It is an enormous amount of information and is overwhelming because of how far we look ahead, but I think it has helped me understand so much more. Being in this class helps me feel less alone because I get t to hear from other students who feel similar to the way I do.

I cannot believe that we are now in the month of March, closer to the end to be exact. It is even crazier to me that we only have April left and then the first week of May which is finals week. Time is truly flying by faster than I had expected. Something that hit me last week was that it was March 12th. The 12th of March certainly does not mean much to others, but on March 12th, 2020, that was my last day of high school without even knowing it. Many seniors of last year all over experienced that same feeling without knowing they would never return to open up there locker one last time, and many of the other small details that we never would have given a second thought to. I have no idea how it has just hit over a year since the beginning of the pandemic started. It is so impressive how not only me, but how far everyone has come with adapting to such a quick, significant shift our daily lives had undergone.

Speaking on this, I realize how much my blog allows me to reflect on everything happening around me and myself. Although it may be repetitive or meaningless to others, I actually believe it has helped me get to the point I am now and impacted my perspectives on things. Writing out things helps put unspoken emotions and thoughts into words. They may not make sense all of the time, but they are always there. Ever since the start of March 12th 2020 until now, I have seen myself grow in so many ways that I did not think was possible. Whether it was the relationships I have created, confidence, new perspectives, and my self worth, I am proud of everything I have become. In my opinion I think it was a well needed “break” from life and society, although under the terrible circumstances. I think many people took advantage of the time off to focus on the positives rather than the all the bad that was going on throughout the world. I clearly remember the time period of people binge watching “Tiger King,” Tik Tok dances and trends, whipped coffee, and all of us being stuck in our houses.

This may not make much sense at this point, but here is what I am trying to say. All of us have gone through a lot within the past year. Many new and unknown things happened without much to any warning at all. Not all of us, but I would believe a majority of society went in one way, and as we slowly are coming out of this “shutdown,” we are coming out different. Whether physically or mentally there has been a transformation. I went into all of this feeling very confused and scared for what was to come. I did not know what to expect for society as we went through this change and my future plans and attending college. I am bringing this up because over a week ago I think I truly found what I what to focus on for the rest of my academic path. I understand it can always change and things can happen, but as of right now I feel a bit more security and less uncertainty. I went into my freshman year as a major in psychology which I am still continuing, but due to how broad it is I know I still needed to understand and figure out more. One of my favorite classes I am currently in is class all about psychology and all the career paths it entails. This has helped me to understand more of what I am interested in and how to focus my future plan on to getting onto the right path. I found that I took a large interest in neuropsychology, so I cannot wait to see what comes next and where I continue through life and my education.

After the week I had last week, I definitely need a break. All week I have been looking forward to Penn State’s second “Wellness Day” of the second semester. Wellness Days are random days throughout the semester when no instruction or classes are being held. This holds true for undergraduate and graduate students, staff, and instructors. My friends and I had been creating plans all week to make Thursday, Wellness Day, enjoyable. Luckily, this week has been in the higher temperatures. It brings a sense of hope that spring is closer than we think. I believe, and I think others can agree, that the spring season and the warmer temperatures start to bring a sense of anticipation and happiness for everyone.

This may sound a little crazy, but there are certain times and moments in life that truly stick out from the rest. One of my absolute favorite feelings in the world is one of the first warm days after the winter season. You can smell the fresh air and the breeze running through your hair. The sky is painted with different shades of blue and the sun hides and peeks out of the white, fluffy clouds. I can not quite explain it, but that moment fills me with an indescribable feeling. I came to the realization that better things are coming and everyone’s “seasonal depression”, technically called Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), can soon be cured. With the hotter weather, I am starting to do some of the old activities my friends and I once did at the beginning of last semester. I clearly remember the other day mentioning to my roommate how I missed seeing people all the time hanging outside and all the spike ball games going on. The next day it was funny to me because it brought back memories of last semester again. Students were outside playing spike ball, volleyball, tennis, and just laying out on the grass enjoying the weather and their time outside. All soaking up the weather we had not had for so long. The weather was making me feel so happy and great, it helped me realize that sometimes we may need a break and need time to just enjoy the moment. For example, the other day I had a class from 3:35-4:25 on Wednesday afternoon. Unlike some classes, this one is recorded so if a student needs to miss it, they can always just watch it at a later time. On Wednesday, all of my friends decided due to the weather they wanted to go out and play tennis. Although the right choice was to stay in my dorm to watch my class, I ended up missing the class to enjoy the weather and play tennis. With everything going on and all of the exams and assignments, I definitely should not have missed class, but looking back, I am happy with the decision I made because I need to value and appreciate all the time and opportunities I am given because nothing is promised.

Like I was talking about before, the initial plan for my friend’s and my wellness day was to sleep in, and then go to The Arboretum at Penn State and have a picnic, and to hang and play games all day. We just wanted a nice day to relax outside since today was supposed to be the highest temperature of the week. However, we know things never go as planned and the hot, sunny day turned into a dreary, rainy day. Nonetheless, we still ended up enjoying the day and making the most of it, but this is a prime example of enjoying the time you have because nothing is guaranteed.

This week put simply was insane. I truthfully do not know how I handled everything this week had in store. I still feel in shock. Things I have never quite experienced in my life before happened all at once, and so fast. It is a little hard to talk about and a little personal. I would rather not talk about it in my blog, but I feel as though I cannot avoid it because of it’s impact and how it has controlled about 95% of my thoughts up to this point in the week. With that being said, please cope with me as I try to continue expressing myself and I apologize in advance. Without getting into fine detail, one thing I have definitely taken out of all of these situations is to take notice who has your back in tough situations, and to always check on your friends to make sure they are alright. No one ever knows anyone else’s situation or what they are going through, so that is why it is so important to be there for everyone even if you are not that close to them. Another thing I want to get across is to not always assume the worst of everyone, try to look for the positives and help out rather than assuming.

I also believe something more people need to understand is that it is okay to not be okay. I know that people are constantly told that and that it sounds cliche, but it is so important to understand. This blog may be a mess, but if I am being honest, that is where my head is at the moment. So, hopefully, you can keep up with me. I always knew my new friends I had made up at Penn State had my back, but throughout this week, it was made so much clear how lucky I am to have the friends that I have. Willing to drop anything at any time to help me at any second. I have always thought I would never need to go to CAPS, Counseling & Psychological Services,  located in Penn State’s main campus. However; I think it definitely would benefit me, especially after this week. It is something I am seriously considering. Knowing that someone  professionally can just listen and help me sort out my thoughts sounds comforting to me. It would be nice to talk to someone with a new perspective, someone’s I have never heard before. My biggest issue is figuring out how I am feeling and how to deal with all the emotions. They are on a constant rollercoaster, and I can’t seem to figure which ones are valid.

I have so many questions in my head. Am I overreacting, or possibly not reacting enough to the situation? How am I supposed to be feeling? Am I feeling the right or wrong way about all of this? What do I do? I don’t wanna make a wrong decision. It is hard to figure out where you are when you don’t even know what type ot headspace you are even in. At this point, I apologize for this little rant and everything you have read up to this point. All I hope is that you can take away the big picture to care for yourself and your friends. Things never go as planned, but we control how we deal with them. There is always help available.

I am extremely happy to say I did it! I know currently, it is only Thursday at 2:13 pm as I am writing this, but I made it through my crazy, busy week so far. Three out of the four exams are completed, and my grades are not suffering too badly. I honestly did not know how I was going to finish out this week feeling sane, but I did. Huge shoutout to my roommate for not letting me go insane and keeping me calm through all the stress. Throughout this week, I think I have realized something that I have been questioning and wondering as I was preparing to move back onto campus.

I have always seen time as my biggest enemy in many situations, especially this week. With all the hours of studying I had to fit in, I had no clue how I was going to confidently accomplish it all on top of everything else. When I was still living at home, time was not as much a concern for me, but I feared when moving back up it would be a reappearing issue like the first semester. Time managing can be difficult with all the distractions around, but from what I have experienced from my first week back, I think it is going to work better. On a regular day to me, hours feel like minutes and minutes seem like seconds. Constantly counting down the time in every situation, wishing everything could all just slow down. I have always felt that there is just never enough time. Something my dad always says, “Life goes by fast, so enjoy it.”

With all this being said, I think it is a great reminder that time is what I make of it. I see the numbers on the clock as a countdown, but maybe if I look at it from a different perspective, that mindset could all change. Normally when I stress over the time on the clock it felt like each day and moment was a ticking time bomb. I know that feeling I have should not feel like that. I should not put so much pressure on time. A great way to make this more understandable is for you to picture an hourglass. For each piece of sand that falls, it gets closer to the time running out. For most people, I would assume they take advantage of time and focus on the amount of time they have available, but for me, I feel as though  I focus on each piece of sand that has fallen and all the time that has already been used. This week was different though because although I was still in a crunch for time, I did not feel in as much of a rush. Granted I had my moments, things felt better. I hope I continue to feel this way by focusing on the time I do have rather than what I don’t have. So, next time I am studying and I am in that crunch for time, a five-minute phone call or a little break will only do me good. I can’t miss out on the moments I have now because one day they will not be there.

I remember the day I moved onto campus last semester. Although it feels like it was just yesterday, it was August 18th. The day started out with saying goodbye to my best friends from home. It was so weird to me that they would no longer be a five-minute drive away. I knew they could always drive up and visit, or I could come home, but it was still a weird concept to me. Days prior, we said goodbye to our other friends and face timed them once they made it up to their campuses. We all gave the classic tour of our dorms to the friend group.  It made me sad to think they were not there with us, but then it was my turn to leave. All my nerves hit at once while I was sitting on my sister’s lap in the jam-packed car. I had so much stuff to take with me that there was barely enough room for myself, so we were forced to share a seat. The thing I was most nervous for was finding friends and meeting new people. I repeatedly made myself scared of the thought of being alone and having no friends due to Penn State being extremely large. I consider myself lucky though, because that night when I moved in, my roommate and the friends she had already made were actually waiting for me at the door to say hi and meet me. My nerves quickly faded away and I soon realized how close we all would be with one another. The rest of the night we all spent together hanging out and getting to know one another a lot better.

Fast forward to present day today, February 11th. I am to move back into my dorm in exactly two days on February the 13th. From my past experience, I can say that I am not even half as nervous as I was the first time I moved in. I do have some nervous, but it is mainly excitement for what is coming. I get to be with my friends, meet even more new people, and I get the opportunity to feel apart of Penn State once again. Although, I am a bit anxious with finding my schedule that balances school and my social life. I feel so good and confident with the classes I am taking and how I am handling everything, so I am hopeful it does not change once I get back up on campus. I do not want to have a repeat of last semester. However, I understand it is a learning process and I know it will all eventually work itself out.

In the meantime, my main focus is to pack. That is something I am very behind on. It is difficult to think about all the things I will need without getting overwhelmed with it all. Something else that also bothers me is not only the process of moving back in and getting readjusted, but also still having to keep up with school. I know I can handle it, but right now it seems very time consuming and stressful. When I go back I already have three exams on my plate. Anyways, that is my rant for the week, but I will continue to keep you updated on my experience as a freshmen. When it comes time for next weeks blog post, I hope I can explain to you all how everything went smoothly and I was jsut overreacting.

Until next time 🙂

Penn State students are now finishing out their third week of the second semester. So far, I am very happy with how this semester has gone. I know since I am only a freshman I have only experienced two semesters, but during this second half, I feel a lot more confident and at ease compared to the first half. Last semester as an incoming freshman, to put it simply, I felt very lost. Almost as if I could not find my way. I was not able to find a good schedule for myself. I struggled to balance school and the social aspect of college. One thing, in particular, was not knowing how to study or stay ahead of my work. Being on top of assignments and prepared felt impossible due to the fact that I constantly had work being thrown at me and I was never able to get ahead. Anytime I would finish something, a second later a canvas notification would alert me of a new assignment. Something I constantly said was “I feel like I have no time to just take a breath.” The stress did not just stop with school either, on top of that I fought against myself and my mental health.

I lived in my small hometown for the first eighteen years of my life, and then what felt like a blink of an eye, I was living in a dorm on Penn State’s campus with 40,000 other undergraduates. My hometown was so small that my friends and I considered driving around at night as one of our ways of having fun. Most importantly, you can’t forget about a Sheetz store on every street corner. I may be a little biased, but Sheetz over Wawa for sure!  Once I was all settled and moved into what was my new home, Martin hall,  that was just the beginning of my realization of how this was a completely different atmosphere. I acknowledged that before moving in, but it hit me like a truck once I finally came to that conclusion. Everything had been completely different than what I had always known. Living with someone I had just met, making new friends, making the effort to eat, study, do laundry, and so much more; but that is beside the point. Everyone has had their own, personal experience, so I am not going to bore you with mine. I guess the point I am trying to get across is that last semester was overwhelming for me due to all the new experiences that came along with it, and the added circumstances and restrictions of Covid 19. However, I believe those struggles have helped to make this semester a lot easier.

I already feel like I am on a great path with all of my classes. Of course, there is always going to be more work, but if I say so myself, I think I am managing it well. I cannot take all the credit though, if it wasn’t for my agenda I would be a wreck. All of the to-do lists, checklists, bullet points, checkmarks, and scribbles keep me on task through each week. Not only do I love my courses because a lot of them pertain to my major, psychology, but, I am finding more ways to become involved. Unlike the last semester where I was not involved at all, I am trying to participate in research labs, internships, and possibly clubs. I even got a job for when I return to campus, so next time you are at the dining hall do not hesitate to say hi! Getting involved in these activities will help me feel even more comfortable and a part of such a big campus.

This week, I have been quite stressed with work. Although, after writing this blog post I am already feeling more relaxed. I know everything I have accomplished and gone through so far, so I know it is nothing I can’t handle. I am looking forward to moving back up on campus and to see how this semester will go actually being up there!

As I continue to navigate and find my new normal, many things have changed and I have encountered new opportunities since the last time I  blogged. To recap, I spent last semester blogging as a way for me to discover a “new normal” for myself amongst all the craziness that the year 2020 had brought. One thing I am extremely passionate about is my feelings. Expressing myself seems impossible at times, but when tasked with writing them out they usually end up flowing and piecing themselves together. This semester I plan to contine to share my experiences and emotions as a freshman in college, and hopefully I get to anwser more of the endless questions I have about my future.

We all shouted “5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Happy New Year!” All hopefull for a year that looks a little more similar to times before the pandemic started. I did a lot of thinking as the year came to a close. Overall, the year 2020 will go down in history books as one of the worst years ever as to what we know of so far. Our world and “normal” as a society has entirely altered and flipped upside down. Through all of the chaos, I still would like to believe that there was some sort of good that came out of this year. In my opinion, 2020 gave society a chance to take a step back and maybe even reflect on ourselves. Before the outbreak of Covid 19 hit, I felt like everything and everyone was always in a rush. Constantly rushing through life fufilling our daily routines on repeat. It taught us that nothing is guarenteed and to not take the little things for granted. I took for granted the opportunity of getting to visit and see my loved ones, and even going to school or work. Normal everyday things are now seen as a risk to everyone’s health. Unfortunately, there were many restrictions on activites, events, and places we could go. Although the bad, this reminded me of all the things I lost touch with. For example, going outside, taking walks, spending time with my family, and the important things that  made me realize how important life is.

Regaining my focus on what is really important helped me plan out how I wanna go through with my “new years resolutions.” I wouldn’t call these resolutions, rather reminders for myself that I learned throughout 2020 that I wanna continue to do:

• Enjoy everythimg in the moment
• Live for myself, not for others
• Stop comparing myself
• Do what makes me happy
• Go on little adventures

I hope to continue these goals and find my way not only though this semester, but in my future.

Today marks a week and two days until I return home for the rest of the semester. Once I leave to return back to my hometown it will be Thanksgiving break, and then soon after the first semester of my freshman year will be over. Technically, this blog post marks my last one for the first semester for English 137H, so with that in mind, I thought it would be nice to recap and talk about what I have learned and share what I have gained from this new experience.  My initial plan for my passion blog was to bring you all along and join me in finding my “new normal.” I am still not quite there yet, but here is what I have so far.

First, I learned that I can live on my own. In the beginning, I found it to be a bit of a struggle, but it all just comes through time and routine. It was something I never thought to question, but it definitely threw me off a bit. Without having someone such as your parents to guide your every move 24/7, it can be confusing and stressful at times. I have learned I actually enjoy doing laundry, but absolutely hate taking the trash down to the basement of the dorm hall. The terrible stench, the sound of the leaky pipes, and the creepiness of the basement make taking the trash down a dreadful chore. Knowing I can handle being on my own takes away some of my fears I have for the future.

The second thing I have learned is that sometimes distance between people can actually make you so much closer. I have a very personal experience to this one. For me there is one person in  specific I have in mind. Although I have only gotten to see them a few times while I have been living on campus, they have made my life so much better and bring me so much happiness. They are the one person I truly look forward to talking to each day. Since the second week of being here on campus, I am pretty sure I have talked to them at least every day, multiple times throughout the day. We are so much closer and I am so happy. I am especially excited to go back and see them when I return home.

One thing I wanted to add is that I learned that I am surprisingly decent at art. For this semester one of my gen eds was intro to ceramics. I was a little nervous about this class because I had never taken a class like this before, but after a whole semester I can proudly say that I am actually not too bad at it. It is fun to shape the clay with your hands and make whatever you want. One of my projects was to pick around 20 items and create a collage. So far, that is my best project yet.

Not to sadden the mood, but the last thing I have learned is that my anxiety is definitely getting worse. I knew it was bad before I left, but the added pressures of college are making it even harder for me to deal with it. I started on a medication before coming down to State College hoping it would help make college easier to cope with. I do believe it has helped but I still think more can be done to help me feel better and get back to normal. One thing in specific that I have noticed is how nervous and anxious I get with knowing I have to complete certain assignments. This sometimes leads me to procrastinate, but not in the way people usually do. Mine is more anxiety-induced procrastination. It isn’t because I don’t want to do the assignment, it’s because I get so anxious and sometimes I have panic attacks and am not able to physically or mentally allow myself to do it. This is only hurting me because by procrastinating and putting assignments off, I get farther behind and even more stressed out.

A progress shot of a tree I made in ceramics

Overall this semester was enjoyable. I had my highs and lows, but I wouldn’t change any of it. I gained so much out of this experience and can not wait to see what next semester may bring!

Some of my closest friends I made this semester