Civic Issues

What I was Wearing
by Mary Simmerling

was this:
from the top
a white t-shirt
cotton
short-sleeved
and round at the neck

this was tucked into
a jean skirt
(also cotton)
ending just above the knees
and belted at the top

underneath all this
was a white cotton bra
and white underpants
(though probably not a set)

on my feet
white tennis shoes
the kind one plays tennis in
and then finally
silver earrings, and lip gloss.

this is what I was wearing
that day
that night
that fourth of July
in 1987.

you may be wondering
why this matters
or even how I remember
every item
in such detail

you see
I have been asked this question
many times
it has been called to my mind
many times
this question
this answer
these details.

but my answer
much awaited
much anticipated
seems flat somehow
given the rest of the details
of that night
during which
at some point
I was raped.

and I wonder
what answer
what details
would give comfort
could give comfort
to you
my questioners

seeking comfort where
there is
alas
no comfort
to be found.

if only it were so simple
if only we could
end rape
by simply changing clothes.

I remember also
what he was wearing
that night
even though
it’s true
that no one
has ever asked.

“What were you wearing?” A question all too many times asked when a sexual assault victim comes forward about their attack. We are living in a world of feminist anti-harassment campaigns like Time’s Up and Me Too, which lay the responsibility for men’s sexual misconduct squarely on men themselves, but many people are still intent on holding survivors (most often women) responsible for such behaviors. Nowhere is this more serious and disturbing than in cases of rape, where survivors are still frequently asked what they were wearing, how much they had to drink, and if they had led on their attacker. Now, an art exhibit aims to reclaim the accusatory refrain “What were you wearing?”(Source)

The “What Were You Wearing?” student-survivor art installation first took place at the University of Arkansas in 2014, inspired by the above poem written by Mary Simmerling. Student survivors of sexual assault voluntarily shared brief descriptions of what they were wearing when they experienced sexual violence for thise exhibit. These accounts were used to recreate outfits worn during the assaults. (Source)  The installation has since gained popularity and been adapted and displayed at universities and institutions across the country, especially during the month of April for Sexual Assault Awareness Month. Exhibits are popping up globally, from Belgium to James Madison University, bringing light to the fact that being raped has nothing to do with what kind of clothes you were wearing.

Dresses, athletic wear, business attire…”What were you wearing?” These exhibits across the world are debunking the widely supported myth that somehow being raped has something to do with what the victim chose to wear that day. The exhibit hopes to make one simple, yet important rebuttal: Women are not to blame for “provoking” sexual assault. It does so by showcasing that people wearing everyday clothes, like jeans and a t-shirt, are still sexually assaulted. “We want to destroy the stereotypes about rape culture with this exhibit,” says Yasmina El Moutouk, a project manager at Molenbeek’s social services. “We all have jeans and t-shirts in our wardrobe and the most important thing is we are free to wear what we want.” (Source)

These installations come in the wake of the #MeToo movement where women across the globe have come forward with their stories of sexual assault and abuse. The powerful reckoning on sexual assault, sparked by the toppling of the infamous Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein, has taken down powerful men in a range of industries as stories of their assaults or harassment have emerged. (Source) “For too long, survivors of sexual assault and harassment have been in the shadows. We have been afraid to speak up, to say ‘Me Too’ and seek accountability. For many, the consequences of doing so have been devastating,” said Tarana Burke, founder of the #MeToo movement. The “What were you wearing?” exhibits have inspired many victims to come forward about their sexual assault. According to Me Too, 17,700,000 women have reported a sexual assault since 1998, this does not account for the incidents of sexual assault that go unreported every year because of the fear of being ridiculed, judged, or asked that dreadful question, “Well, what were you wearing?”.

“We need a complete cultural transformation if we are to eradicate sexual assault in our lifetimes. It means we must build our families differently, engage our communities and confront some of our long-held assumptions about ourselves. Today’s announcement is an opportunity for all of us to take a hard look in the mirror and answer the question:

“When you hear #MeToo, will you stand up to say #NoMore?” -Tarana Burke

Many of my blog posts have been about victim blaming and how it relates to sexual assault but in reality victim blaming happens to so many other victims than just those of sexual assault. Bullying is another large topic of discussion when it comes to victim blaming. In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal uniform definition of bullying for research and surveillance. The core elements of the definition include unwanted aggressive behavior; observed or perceived power imbalance; and repetition of behaviors or high likelihood of repetition (source).

When bullying occurs, people often place blame on the victim, falsely claiming that if somehow the victim were different, then bullying wouldn’t happen. They might even ask, “What did you do to cause it?” But bullying is never the victim’s fault. They don’t need to change to make the bully stop or meet his/her expectations. Change is always the bully’s responsibility.

While it is true that there are some things that one can develop to help deter bullying such as developing social skills and building self-esteem, the truth is that anyone can become a victim of bullying. There are a number of reasons why bullies target others. Among these reasons are insecurities, jealousy, issues at home, and aggressive tendencies. While these are a few of the root causes of bullying, there could be so many other reasons that someone is bullying others, but these reasons are no excuse.

To prevent blaming the victim of bullying it is important to become familiar with the most common ways that people do in fact blame bullying victims. Avoid doing these common blaming techniques to prevent yourself from becoming someone who blames victims of bullying.

The most common victim-blaming techniques (Source):

• “He/She deserves it.”
• “He/She should change.”
• “He/She caused it or brought it upon themselves.”
• “He/She didn’t fight back.”
• “He/She is too sensitive”

There are also myths about victims of bullying that people believe to either avoid addressing the bullying or to avoid sympathy for the victim.

These myths include (Source):

• All victims of bullying are nonassertive, weak, and vulnerable.
  • While it is true some victims of bullying are vulnerable and nonassertive, this assumption is not always factual. All kids are at risk of being bullied, even those who are gifted, better at sports, or those who have disabilities.
• Victims of bullying do something to deserve the bullying.
  • Bullying is always a choice made by bullies and early intervention into their bullying behavior is the only way to address the issue. While helping victims of bullying build self-esteem, become assertive and make friends will help deter bullying, people must be careful not to blame the victim for the bullying. They also should not imply that if the victim was different somehow the bullying would not occur.
• Victims of bullying tend to overreact and need to toughen up.
  • There is an empathy gap between adults and children who are affected by bullying. Many people also believe that bullying is a rite of passage and that
• Victims of bullying always report the bullying when it happens.
  • Parents and friends often times believe that if their children were being bullied they would know it. But research has shown that kids rarely disclose what is happening to them even when they have excellent relationships with their parents.
• Victims of bullying should retaliate against the bullies.
  • A popular reaction to bullying is to tell the victim to fight back but this can often lead to worse situations.

When we study crime we oftentimes look at the victim, this study is termed Victimology, a branch of Criminology. Victimology scientifically studies the relationship between an injured party and an offender by examining the causes and the nature of the consequent suffering. Specifically, victimology focuses on whether the perpetrators were complete strangers, mere acquaintances, friends, family members, or even inmates and why a particular person or place was targeted. Criminal victimization oftentimes inflicts economic costs, physical injuries, and psychological harm.

According to Brittanica, Victimology first emerged in the 1940s and ’50s, when several criminologists (notably Hans von Hentig, Benjamin Mendelsohn, and Henri Ellenberger) examined victim-offender interactions and stressed reciprocal influences and role reversals. These pioneers raised the possibility that certain individuals who suffered wounds and losses might share some degree of responsibility with the lawbreakers for their own misfortunes. By systematically investigating the actions of victims, costly mistakes could be identified and risk-reduction strategies could be discerned.

Although the field originally focused on the varying degrees of victim blameworthiness, by the 1970s this preoccupation became overshadowed by studies intended to prevent victimization, to improve the way complainants are handled by the police and courts, and to speed recovery. As a result of these studies, researchers and concerned citizens alike turn to educating particular populations of people who are more likely to have a crime committed against them, women in particular. This is where a major issue lies. Yes, we as a society need to be knowledgeable about what perpetrators are looking for when they are seeking to commit a crime but this does not mean we should turn to solely educating women on how to avoid being victimized and then blame said woman for the acts committed against her.

Many researchers and citizens have good intentions when saying for example, “Wear something less revealing so you don’t attract too much attention” or “Watch the amount of alcohol you consume, someone may take advantage of you”. But what happens when that woman does get raped after a night out with her friends drinking, or a lady dressed in a short skirt and high heels gets sexually assaulted while walking home late at night? Is it their fault that these crimes happened to them? Didn’t we warn them?

Now, I am in no way bashing the profession of Victimologists. It is important to understand the victims suffering and to coach them through the process of healing from the harm the crime committed against them caused but, there does need to be a more productive and/or psychologically sound way of preventing crime without bashing women for what they wear or do. This is where we turn back to the basics, Criminology, where Victimization stemmed from many years ago.

Criminology is so important because it tries to understand the root of the crime, the perpetrator. These scientists study perpetrator’s motives; what they were looking for whether it be for personal pleasure, to inflict fear or pain, or even for the pure thrill of committing a crime and the adrenaline rush it may give them. The study of Criminology focuses on the motives of the criminal and the social impact of the crimes they commit. According to The Balance, they “look at every conceivable aspect of deviant behavior. This includes the impacts of crime on individual victims and their families, society at large, and even criminals themselves,” according to The Balance. Criminologists study elements like the frequency, location, causes and types of crime, then work to develop “effective and humane means of preventing it,” The Balance continues. This I believe is where Victimology stemmed from. The, “effective and humane means of preventing it”.

To be able to understand crime, criminals, and victims in their entirety we need both Criminology, Victimology, and a ton of other social sciences. The human mind,  people’s actions, feelings, thoughts, and motives are beyond even the smartest scientists’ understanding. We need many researchers and unfortunately, we need crime and victims too, to be able to understand why crime happens in the first place to be able to prevent it.

We must also understand that having a crime committed against you is not your fault regardless of what you wear, how intoxicated you may be, or even simply not being aware of your surroundings. Nobody deserves to be harmed and we as a society need to find other ways of understanding and preventing crime rather than just blaming the victim to make crime less of the reality that it is in our everyday life.

 

 

“When people want to believe that the world is just, and that bad things won’t happen to them, empathy can suffer.” -The Atlantic

This is what we refer to as victim blaming. Any time someone defaults to questioning what a victim could have done differently to prevent a crime, he or she is participating, to some degree, in the culture of victim shaming. And quite frankly, whether you consider yourself an empathetic person or not, you have probably victim blamed someone in the past; intentionally or subconsciously. Victim-blaming attitudes marginalize the victim/survivor and make it harder to come forward and report the abuse. If the survivor knows that you or society blames her for the abuse, s/he will not feel safe or comfortable coming forward and talking to you. Victim-blaming attitudes also reinforce what the abuser has been saying all along; that it is the victim’s fault this is happening. It is NOT the victim’s fault or responsibility to fix the situation; it is the abuser’s choice. By engaging in victim-blaming attitudes, society allows the abuser to perpetrate relationship abuse or sexual assault while avoiding accountability for his/her actions.

So, why do we do this to others?

“I think the biggest factor that promotes victim-blaming is something called the just world hypothesis,” says Sherry Hamby, a professor of psychology at the University of the South. In summary, the just world hypothesis is the idea that people deserve what happens to them. This desire to see the world as just and fair is believed to be stronger amongst Americans who are raised in a culture that promotes the American Dream and the idea that we all control our destinies. If we all control our destinies, then a victim should have been able to prevent their “victimization.” Maybe the rape victim could have been wearing a less revealing outfit, the guy who was pick-pocketed on the streets of New York City should not have had his wallet in his back pocket, and the mother whose child was just kidnapped should have been watching her child more closely on the playground that day.

According to Live Science, a recent study suggests that your values indicate whether you blame the victim or the perpetrator. In experiments, researchers found that people whose values focus on reducing harm and caring for everyone are likely to blame the perpetrator. In contrast, people who adhere more closely to values like loyalty, purity and obedience to authority are more likely to blame the victims. This difference holds after accounting for politics and demographic factors, said study researcher Laura Niemi, a postdoctoral researcher in psychology at Harvard University in Massachusetts. It’s also equally true both for sex crimes, in which problems in securing convictions are often traced to victim blaming, and for crimes of a nonsexual nature. “We’re finding it across victimization in general,” Niemi told Live Science. “So there’s something about just being in that victim role that’s what’s important.”

It is a natural psychological reaction to hear about a victim of crime and believe that you would have been more careful or you would have been able to avoid that situation all together had you been in the victims shoes. But this natural instinct does not make it any less of an attempt to shame the victim for their experience, so how do we change our culture and our natural response to crimes and victimization? We have to begin by instilling a new idea in people’s minds, the idea that nobody has a responsibility to avoid being victimized.

The best example of the type of behavior and thought process we need to change is rape culture. According to Southern Connecticut State University, Rape Culture is an environment in which rape is prevalent and in which sexual violence is normalized and excused in the media and popular culture. Rape culture is perpetuated through the use of misogynistic language, the objectification of women’s bodies, and the glamorization of sexual violence, thereby creating a society that disregards women’s rights and safety. Some verbal examples of rape culture from Southern Connecticut State are as follows:

• Blaming the victim (“She asked for it!”)
• Trivializing sexual assault (“Boys will be boys!”)
• Sexually explicit jokes
• Tolerance of sexual harassment
• Publicly scrutinizing a victim’s dress, mental state, motives, and history
• Defining “manhood” as dominant and sexually aggressive
• Defining “womanhood” as submissive and sexually passive
• Assuming only promiscuous women get raped
• Assuming that men don’t get raped or that only “weak” men get raped
• Refusing to take rape accusations seriously
• Teaching women to avoid getting raped

How can you fight back against rape culture and victim blaming?

• Take victims seriously when they confide in you about a situation
• Avoid using language that degrades women AND men
• Let victims know that it is NOT their fault
• Hold perpetrators accountable for their actions/crimes
• Be an active bystander
• Do NOT assume the victim is to blame

We are all guilty of shaming the victim. We all think that we can handle situations that other victims couldn’t or somehow we could have avoided them. But the truth is, you don’t know what you could or couldn’t have done because you weren’t in that persons shoes at that exact place and time. Be a good friend and family member and listen when a victim comes to you, try to empathize, because you never know if you’ll be in their shoes one day, begging for someone to believe you.

 

By the time his sentencing hearing wrapped up a few days ago, many of us had heard about the serial sex abuser Larry Nassar. Former USA Gymnastics doctor accused of molesting over 135 girls and previously charged with the possession of child pornography.

The names of his victims plastered all over every major news outlet: Simone Biles, McKayla Maroney, Aly Raisman, Gabby Douglas, and the list continues…but what about those few girls who chose to speak out first?

Kyle Stephens, who says the molestation began for her at just 6 years old. She announced during her testimony that she had decided to go public to prove to herself that she had nothing to be ashamed of.

This is where the issue lies. Victims feeling like they are to blame for their abuse. Each of the 135+ victims has a story about the shame they experienced when they first announced their molestation.

According to ESPN, “‘No one did anything because no one believed me,’ Katie Rasmussen, who says she was abused by Nassar after being introduced to him through the gymnastics gym Twistars, said in her statement at the hearing. Former Olympic gymnast Jamie Dantzscher told the court that, when she first came forward in August 2016, she was attacked on social media. ‘They called me a liar, a whore and even accused me of making all of this up to get attention,’ she said. ‘When survivors came forward, adult after adult, many in positions of authority, protected you, telling each survivor it was OK, that you weren’t abusing them,’ Raisman said to Nassar, who she says began abusing her when she was 15. ‘In fact, many adults had you convince the survivors that they were being dramatic or were mistaken. This is like being violated all over again.'”

 

 

According to NBC News, USA Gymnastics issued a rather gut-wrenching statement, saying that after its private investigator interviewed Maggie Nichols [another gymnast molested by Nassar] and Raisman, it did not have a “reasonable suspicion” they had been molested by Nassar. USA Gymnastics admits it waited five weeks to alert law enforcement and didn’t notify Michigan State University, where he had his practice. Nichols later tweeted, “Your statements are hurtful. If you did not believe that I & others were abused then why pressure & manipulate us? WE WERE MOLESTED BY A MONSTER U ENABLED 2 THRIVE FOR DECADES. You are 100% responsible.”

This celebrated criminal case has been a huge step for victims across the country. Each victim has gone from the point of feeling personal and public shame to triumph when Nassar was sentenced just a few days ago. Each gymnast was publicly humiliated, called liars, and more for coming forward about Nassar, and yet so many of Nassar’s victims, in their impact statements during his sentencing hearing, said they considered their own culpability in their interactions with him. Former Michigan State volleyball player Jennifer Rood-Bedford told the courtroom, “My first reaction was to question myself. To blame myself.” Said Raisman to Nassar: “You made me uncomfortable, and I thought you were weird. But I felt guilty because you were a doctor, so I assumed I was the problem for thinking badly of you.” And each of these women was assured by Ingham County Circuit Judge Rosemarie Aquilina that she did not share the blame, was not at fault and should not feel remorse.

This sort of reassurance for victims comes far too rarely and shaming comes far too often.