Ari and I fishing. Photo by D. Sillman
(Click on the following link to listen to an audio version of this blog … What can a toddler teach us about life and living
Being a grandparent has been one of the highlights of Deborah’s and my lives. There is something exhilarating and grounding about being around small children. Deborah and I raised two wonderful kids back in our “middle years,” but back then the joy of that effort was constantly being drowned out by work and career pressures, by financial worries and by time and other stresses. Now in our “later years” we are retired, financially comfortable and have the time to really enjoy our grandkids. We also get to send them home most evenings and can collapse into our recliners with a glass of wine and the daily crossword puzzle. The feet-up-quiet is most welcome!
Our two grandchildren here in Greeley both go to a Montessori daycare/preschool. Ari (five years old) is their kindergarten program and Zofia (two years old) is in their toddler program. Ari brings home drawings, paintings and worksheets almost every day, while Zofia spends her time learning to play with others (sharing anything is VERY tough at this point!) and working on the steps for cleaning up afterwards. Our third grandchild, Ellis, is only three months old and has yet to have any exposure to a formal education system.
Ari is long and impossibly skinny and is overflowing with energy. Zofia has the rounded, squatty body of a toddler. She is just starting to bend her legs when she runs and often enlists one of us as a transport tool to run after (or run away from) her brother during chase games. Ellis can hold his head up, make happy gurgling noises and smile
Zofia and I making lunch. Photo by D. Sillman
As adults, we often think about small children as being exclusively on the receiving end of all of the things we think that we need to teach them. We think of them as blank slates and consider ourselves the very visible hands of growth and progress. We want them to learn to use language to express their frustrations or upsets, we want them to be generous and empathetic, we want them to have at least glimpse of cause and effect. We want them to be bold but cautious, we want them to feel free but listen to our instructions attentively, we want them to laugh at our jokes! We have so many dreams and ideas that we are trying to imprint on then!
The thing that we don’t understand is we should be paying attention to them as teachers, as examples of ways for all of us lumbering adults to be better human beings!
That’s the essential point of a new book by Dr. Hasan Merali, associate professor of pediatrics at McMaster University. The book is entitled Sleep Well, Take Risks, Squish the Peas: Secrets from the Science of Toddlers for a Happier, More Successful Way of Life. Dr. Merali explores the stereotypes that dominate our thinking about toddlers and presents data to show that they are not as real as we might feel. The “Terrible Two’s,” for example, for most children is a phase in which a small number of short-lived tantrums are wedged in between long daily periods of extremely pleasant behavior. We just see the tantrums and jump to our alliterative definition.
We see what we expect to see! What else could we be seeing? According to Dr. Merali, toddlers instinctively exhibit some critical human behaviors that could benefit us all.
Ellis watching his favorite soccer team! Photo by J. Hamilton
Posititive Self-Talk: Toddlers and young children coach themselves out loud. They talk themselves through tasks and problem-solving situations with encouraging comments and observational summaries and analyses. These verbalizations help the child to focus and persevere on tasks and reduce the chances of their becoming frustrated or stymied. Children engage in this Positive Self-Talk behaviors until they start to become overly conscious of the people around them and the generalized, societal bias against talking to oneself.
For adults, Positive Self-Talk can help with problem solving, learning, confidence and managing emotions. It occurred to me that a way to avoid the societal peer pressure against talking to oneself while you are praising, instructing and focusing yourself through a task is to just pretend that you are talking to someone else on your cell phone! We have come to tolerate all sorts of odd behaviors because of public use of those communication devices!
Move: Two-year-olds are active five hours a day. Just try to make them sit still for any extended period of time! Adults, on the other hand, are incredible sessile. Movement stimulates the cardiovascular and respiratory systems and benefits all of the organ of the body from your muscles to your brain! Adults at a minimum need to find ways to accomplish brief bursts of activity throughout a day. Studies have shown that ten-plus minutes of these summed activity bursts can increase longevity. I have my Apple Watch set to remind me to stand up and move around every half hour that it senses I have been sitting (probably working hard on these blogs!). This level of activity has also been shown to help to control blood sugar.
The best possible kind of movement, by the way, is play, especially play with a child! Because no one knows play better than a child! Running around, acting silly, getting “out of yourself” for a period of time is rejuvenating and invigorating! (It can also be exhausting, so pace yourself!).
Zofia and Ari at the zoo! Photo by M. Hamilton
Ask Questions: Young children ask hundreds of questions throughout a day (actually, that number may be a huge under-estimate. One study recorded that young children asked 107 questions each hour during a period of observation!). The other night at dinner, my grandson Ari took us through an intense 15 minutes of hard questioning about why we ate animals (we were having chicken for dinner). At the end of his questioning period, Ari announced that he wasn’t going to eat animals anymore. He then devoured a chicken leg and saw nothing contradictory in his behavior.
Somewhere in the transition from child to adult, most of us have gotten the idea that asking questions is rude. Asking questions, though, is the most efficient way to gather information! A question and answer dynamic can also build relationships and help forge closer bonds between individuals. Maybe we shouldn’t ask 107 questions each hour, but we should explore each other’s ideas and thoughts more thoroughly that we do.
Ellis being Ellis! Photo by J. Hamilton
Fixed Sleep Schedule: Toddlers thrive on routine and adults will also benefit from a set sleeping/waking schedule. Setting a time table for going to bed and for getting up with a good 8 or so hours of sleep in between is an excellent way to improve your mental acuity, emotional stability and overall health! Many people (both toddlers and adults) also benefit from afternoon naps (as long as they don’t make going to sleep at night difficult!). Short sleep periods (20 or 30 minutes) in the early afternoon are recommended for those of us who like to nap.
Laugh: The curative and health sustaining power of laughter has been demonstrated in numerous clinical studies. Everything from cancer to heart disease to depression can be helped by laughter. Quoting Dr. Merali, “Toddlers see the world as a comedy club!” Young children laugh six time as much as adults! They know that the world is hilarious! We should join in on the fun!
So, fellow adults get your engines going! Praise yourself out loud! Get active and move around! Ask questions like a five-year-old, laugh your head off and then go to bed. What a great life!