I am a walker. My legs are quite long. I walked to my elementary school. I don’t take the bus on campus because I find it too complicated. I would rather walk to my neighbor’s house than drive. But, with walking I get impatient with others who walk because they do not walk with a purpose. I believe in walking with a purpose or not walking at all.
Pretty much all of high school when I got annoyed and impatient with others while walking through the hallways from class to class, I would always say the same thing “walk with a purpose or don’t walk at all”. I think this irritation of mine could come from my mom, who has a led foot when driving and gets verbally frustrated when the car in front of hers is going under the speed limit or drastically slow on the road. But this attitude has driven me through life.
I am an Eagle Scout; I was involved in scouting for over 10 years. But my path to Eagle was quite different than those who came through my troop and others before me. For years, I watched boys go through the program and become very stressed and rushed at the end of the semester trying to tie up loose ends and finish all the requirements before their 18th birthday. Our troop had about 7 boys aged out and earned their Eagle award in the span of a year. Our troop numbers dwindled; I found myself suddenly the head youth leader at 14, a position usually given to those over 16. I had gone through many badges and requirements quite quickly, making the ranks and becoming just steps away from Eagle by my 15th birthday. I was often told to slow down and enjoy this part of my life in the troop. Asked: why are you going so fast? I am just not a stop and smell the roses person: I find this akin to “drag your feet”. As mentioned, I am impatient with people who drag their feet. I had a purpose, a want to keep going at my current pace.
When it became time to start my Eagle scout required community service project, I was looking for something that would be impactful. The place of my weekly scout meetings, the local Lions Club needed renovation, and I decided to take up the opportunity; to walk with a purpose and not drag my feet for another 2 years. After months of discussion and persistence with the elderly members of the club, I decided to stop accepting their dragging feet and lay out a clear plan that considered all input. They agreed and I got running. On my 16th birthday, I completed a total renovation of the Lions Club to make it more appealing and modern to rent out to the community. Due to the pandemic, I completed my final review for the Eagle Scout rank in June of 2020. I will never forget the final question the board asked me: ‘Don’t you think you’re a little young for this?’’ Yes’, I replied, ‘I walked with a purpose.’
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The central conflict is about how people are walking slow and that has made you realize that you want to walk with a purpose and this was the cause and effect relationship.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
The piece could be more sensory when you describe the irritation of people walking slow, maybe you could illustrate like the smoke coming out of your ears and describe how your blood was boiling.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
Maybe throughout you could incorporate something about how you were taller than everyone and had longer legs instead of just brining it up in the beginning. Maybe you could build a better relationship with the elder members of the group, maybe name one of them.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
I thought the belief matched up with the story extremely well. I wouldn’t alter the belief at all.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
I think the main thing I would focus on is building your I throughout the story and incorporate the details at the beginning throughout it. I also would maybe build a relationship with the elder members of the groups.