2 Way Street

Relationships can be challenging. I’m not talking husband, girlfriend specific relationships, although those are difficult in their own sense. I’m talking about all the other relationships we have in our lives, like friends, co-workers, colleagues, etc. One of my New Year Resolutions was “It’s a two-way street” I had found that I was putting in a lot more effort into some of my relationships than the other party and I wanted it to be a little more reciprocal. Moran, Abramson, & Moran (2014) state that “all humans are capable of approaching interaction with others using either self-interest or altruist strategies. All humans have a tendency to prefer either the one of the other depending on their personal experience in achieving the desired outcome of effective relationships”. (p. 62) So what does that mean and how does it apply to my relationships or more importantly my New Years Resolution?

Have you ever had the friend who only calls you when they need or want something from you? Or that colleague who only swings by your desk when they need a favor from you? Moran et al. (2014) describe this type of relationship as self-interested. Its using their power or influence, in the relationship, to get the other to do what they want but its at the expense of the other party someway shape or form. (p. 63) Over the years I have adapted the “never say no” to work approach. Overtime, certain colleagues learned this and would approach me with requests or favors, knowing I would hardly, if ever, say no. Overtime, I became very clear to me that these colleagues would rarely ever return the favor if I needed something from them. They were often too busy or it wasn’t their job.  This eventually wore on me and over the holiday season I had an epiphany; it dawned on me that my relationship with these individuals was very self-interested on their part. So, I decided to make a change my approach in relationships and try to only be involve in reciprocal or altruism type relationships.

“Altruism is a strategy for helping a weaker other by proving what he/she needs in order to build a cooperative relationship where the other will help in return if or when needed”. (Moran et al., 2014 p. 63) What person wants to always be in a one-sided relationship? If you are the one doing all the work or always making the sacrifice well its really not a relationship, is it? Going back to my work example, I do have a number of co-workers who because I have helped them out would drop what they are doing and help me out if I asked. Overtime, we have proven to each other that we are dependable, trustworthy and can rely on each other in times of need.

Being out for your-self is a hard way to live. The relationships one will have will only be superficial and surface level deep. If your only intention is to get what you want out of it, you are going to find yourself burning through a lot of good potential relationships, that if you would have only taken the time to invest in more than just yourself could potentially get you to where you need and want to go. One of the toughest parts of a relationship is the beginning. People do not always know if you are being sincere or not. Relationships take time and effort, trust needs to be developed. But once you have trust the you will have unlimited support.

Moran, Robert, Abramson, Neil, & Moran, Sarah. (2014). Managing Cultural Differences. Oxford: Routledge.