The COVID-19 pandemic has been a frequent topic of conversation for most of us over the past year. Especially amongst friends, we discuss the political implications as well as check-in on physical and mental health. With vaccinations available and infections declining in the United States, it feels as if there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. As we dreamt of indoor dining, vacations, and hugging our friends again, my friend Ana texted that her mother, living in Brazil, is infected by the coronavirus. I’ll spare the personal details here, but the disruptions to life in Brazil have been especially upsetting considering their social and cultural norms.
Ana is Brazilian, and I’m from the US. While living in New York City, we became fast friends despite a few awkward cultural differences I learned to navigate. As our friendship grew, the first glaring difference was how uncomfortable I was with close contact and kisses on the cheek. I grew up at ease with a quick hug, hello, and nothing more; personal space was highly valued, and touching while talking was considered too forward. On the other hand, she was very comfortable in confined spaces, touching while talking and kissing on the cheeks. It was awkward for me to lean in for a quick hug, only to be embraced then kissed on the cheeks. To this day, I’m not an excellent cheek kisser, but I try. She is one of many people over the years who have educated me, in a way, about delighting in cultural differences.
I called Ana to check on her mother and to ask about the pandemic situation in Brazil. These conversations can quickly turn political, but I was primarily curious about how social and cultural norms have been affected. Restrictions were accepted by most, despite the mishandling of pandemic responses by their president, Jair Bolsonaro. A recent New York Times article noted that “many Brazilians followed social distancing measures and complied with restrictions imposed on a local level, which experts believe was at least part of the reason the number of cases started to go down in August. These experts believe that the relaxation of those rules is in turn behind the recent acceleration in the spread of the virus” (Andreoni, 2021, para. 21).
We danced around politics and kept our conversation personal. What I’ve experienced with Ana and the family members I’ve come to know, her family typifies Brazilian culture. Ana is close with her mother and grew up living with relatives. “The meaning of family in Brazil is not limited to the immediate family, but instead includes the entire parentela, or extended family” (Moran, Abramson, & Moran, 2014, p. 347). They are all welcoming, “warm and friendly people who feel free to show their affection in public” (Moran et al., 2014, p. 348). Awkward for me, but every day for them, kissing on the cheeks is customary.
Much about her culture’s norms make the necessary health restrictions demoralizing. It’s difficult, said Ana, because it is antithetical “to what we believe and everything we know about how to be in community and display affection” (Ana, personal communication, March 29, 2021). She’s dispirited by the news out of Brazil but doesn’t give up hope. She mentions the high value on the group over the individual, as noted by Moran et al. (2014), that “Brazilians feel the group and relationship within the group are more important than individual aspirations” (p. 353). Their community first orientation is the best way to provide support and build resiliency.
I asked if the shifts made during the pandemic will alter cultural norms. “Absolutely not,” says Ana. This is who Brazilians are at their core and change doesn’t happen overnight. And if there is something Brazilians know, it is patience. They spend a lot of time and energy investing in relationships, and the deeply ingrained social conventions won’t quickly change. “Brazilians feel that a good relationship must be in place before anything can be accomplished” (Moran et al., 2014, p. 353).
Over the years, Ana has shared many stories that highlight the differences in our upbringings. I delight in our differences, even if kissing on the cheek makes me uncomfortable. We find our commonalities, like talking with our hands, being expressive, and valuing community. And we learn from our differences. COVID disrupted many things, but through all of this, Ana said, we must constantly be adjusting, understanding, and doing what’s best for our communities and the people we love.
References
Andreoni, M. (2021, March 27). Coronavirus in Brazil: What you need to know. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/article/brazil-coronavirus-cases.html#link-1c5e3f23
Moran, R. T., Abramson, N. R., & Moran, S. V. (2014). Managing cultural differences (Ninth ed.). London: Routledge.