I remember the first day I met Ana. She was moving into the house across the street, the same day I was finally moving into my own new house. The whole neighborhood was new. The builder had scheduled move-in day for everyone along two blocks, all at once. We came in a caravan, strangers with matching U-Haul trucks, men in loose tee-shirts, women with tight ponytails and running shoes that meant business. We all smiled at each other. Waved. We watched each other take pictures of kids on new front porches, kids we forced to put arms around each other, grinning only because that meant the pictures would be over sooner, wanting to get into their new bedrooms so they could claim the spaces as their own.

Ana was not the only brown-skinned person on the block. Soon I would meet Toni and Ernesto, Abuela, and Ernestito. We would form a group, Ana, Toni and I, we would begin walking 3.7 miles every morning before our kids got up for school. We would play Continental (pronounced Con-teen-in-TALL) and drink tequila or beer with our husbands around one of the giant tables we’d all installed in our formal dining rooms, while our collective children were in pajamas watching movies. I would learn the Spanish I hadn’t learned in school. “What’s a cabron?” (Cah-BROAN) I asked. Giggles. “Nothing. Just a mean name.” Someone would win Continental, and someone else would call, “Cabron!” or “Cabrona!” and throw the cards at the winner and immediately begin to deal again, insulting and smiling at the same time. It was an affectionate curse.

It was in Ana’s kitchen that I learned to make the best rice I have ever eaten. The secret is to put some oil in the pan and brown the uncooked grains, and then to add seasonings, onion, tomato, broth, and to simmer slow and low, covered, until the lid comes off and the forks come out. We made endless pans of enchiladas, and I learned to set up an assembly station and endure the singed fingertips that are inevitable when the tortillas move from hot oil to sauce and get rolled around fresh and steaming shredded meat before being placed carefully in a pan next to their just-rolled friends.

Ana was a mama bear. When someone drove too fast down our street – the street where our littles played – she was enraged, and was known on more than one occasion to throw rocks at the backs of the cars or trucks while screaming, “There are KIDS on this street! Slow DOWN, you a$$hole!” Ana was five feet tall and weighed approximately 100 pounds. Still, she chucked rocks at cars with the best of them.

She was always smiling, laughing, loving the people in her life. She was always working, hard. Her house was spotless. Her food delicious. Her laundry, fresh and carefully folded. Her eyebrows, waxed. Her hair, curled. Her face, delighted. I’m not sure when she slept as her husband worked and she tirelessly achieved veritable perfection in her home, kids, and domestic pursuits. Ana had no college education. She had fled El Salvador as a child, without her mother, in order to escape the dangers of violence that ravaged her country. She didn’t like to talk about it. She did not want to dwell, but instead, made sure her own daughters – and then, later, a son – knew their mother would assault passing pickup trucks to keep them safe.

As the world becomes smaller and smaller, as business leaders and world leaders engage in cross-cultural dealings and we find ourselves more and more reaching not just across the aisle, but across oceans, it becomes important – even more important – to understand that despite differences, we are one people. We are excited about new opportunities, and new houses. We want great photos and memories of and for our families. We love to play, and to make friends, and to eat good food. We protect our own. If we can, we focus on the positive – not forgetting the realities that are sometimes anything but positive, but instead, choosing for ourselves and for our families the things that are good. We call a true friend a dirty goat in Spanish, but we can’t help smiling a genuinely affectionate smile as we do it.

Ana opened a tiny part of her world to me, the part she carries in her heart. I have never been to El Salvador. But I have known Ana, and through her, I have come to love a place that I have never been, because look at the beautiful person it gave me. El Salvador, Ana – this is part of how I know the world remains small . . . and good. So good.

 

 

My father has an Ivy League engineering degree. He was recruited during his senior year in college to work for a major engineering company with offices in countries all over the world. During his career, he was sometimes partnered with people across one ocean or another, and on occasion flew over to meet in person with colleagues overseas. His drive and determination, his personal commitment to excellence in his work and his ambition to survive every round of layoffs, as well as every big change that occurred in the company during his thirty-plus year tenure, paid off. These attributes were not without cost, however.

My father was scheduled to retire at age 65. He retired earlier, giving up a portion of his pension payments in order to reclaim a portion of his sanity. What drove him to feel he should trade a few extra retirement years for what could have amounted to a lot of money? Issues of synergy.

In Harvard Business Review, Goold and Campbell (1998) express, “The goals of synergy programs tend to be expressed in broad, vague terms: “sharing best practices,” “coordinating customer relationships,” “cross-fertilizing ideas” . . . such fuzzy language obscures rather than clarifies the real costs and benefits of the programs. It also tends to undermine implementation, leading to scattershot, unfocused efforts.”

My father worked for a company that valued international connections and required those international connections in order to succeed in what was, is, and will continue to be a global marketplace. The need for the connections was expressed in forming cross-cultural, international teams to work on projects together. The idea was (is) great, the goal was (is) honorable, and the efforts were (are) ultimately successful, but the details were difficult to manage. My father frequently had to attend a conference call with international partners at midnight, or 2:00 a.m., and then was still expected to show up in the office in the morning as usual for meetings and work with local coworkers. He was exhausted by the time he decided to take that early retirement.

My parents are planning to buy an RV and travel the country. They’ll be shopping for the perfect bed to put in it – and my father will finally be able to sleep all night long, every night, in that RV, until the morning sunshine wakes him. I think he’s earned that, and taking early retirement was a great choice, because while synergy is paramount to success in a global experience, it cannot be created by broad goals and a desire to team up – it must take into account the measurable differences – things like time differences – that exist between cultures on each team, and adjust expectations and processes to account for those and allow every team member to continue thriving both inside his or her own cultural experience, and the synergistic experience of the team as a whole.

 

Reference

Goold, M., & Campbell, A. (1998, September-October). Desperately Seeking Synergy. Harvard Business Review: Managing People. Retrieved September 30, 2018 from https://hbr.org/1998/09/desperately-seeking-synergy

Benjamin Franklin apparently said, “In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.”

Well, I’m no POTUS, but I often say the only thing certain in life is change.

Change is hard, right? I mean, okay, sometimes it’s GREAT, like when it’s Friday at 4:00 and work stops at 5:00 and you’re about to go into weekend mode – you get to turn off the alarm, stay up late, go to one of your favorite restaurants for brunch with your best friends, maybe buy those new shoes and see a movie you’ve been waiting to see. You get to RELAX, finally! Ah, weekends. They are a welcome change that we all look forward to.

But change in a big way – real change, life change, organizational change, can be HARD. Even good changes can be tough because all change brings stress. Kimberly Snyder, a nutritionist and wellness practitioner, talks about the differences between good and bad stress. She says, “In general, good stress is short-term and pushes you to accomplish greater things. In these situations, you tend to have a lot of control over the outcome and the stress can motivate you. (But) bad stress . . . is often accompanied by feelings of helplessness because you don’t have a lot of control over what’s happening and you may begin to feel compressed or trapped” (Snyder, 2014).

With this in mind, how we ask and expect people around us to make changes is important. We need to ensure that whenever possible, change is perceived and received as something good, that the participants and recipients of change understand they are in control of their outcomes, and are able to see the positive end-goals that can bring about the more – more happiness, more success, and more fulfillment. (Snyder, 2014).

Penn State University (2018) discusses Edgar Schein, the change expert who came up with the Planned Change Theory. Schein tells us we need to create psychological safety (presenting change as a solution to a problem, with a positive and achievable end goal) when we’re asking people to participate in change. “This step (creating psychological safety) is the most important, but unfortunately the most forgotten, in organizational change” (PSU WC, L5, p4).

Some changes will be rough no matter what. Unexpected or unwanted losses of people, jobs, or security aren’t going to be positive. They aren’t going to be perceived as having a positive end-goal, or any of the mores that we hope for – more happiness, success, or fulfillment (Snyder, 2014). Just like death and taxes, those changes can be nothing but unwelcome and will bring us bad stress.

Still, not all change has to bring difficulty. If we can learn to accept change as a natural part of life – and not one that has to be bad – we can embrace the more. We can enjoy the benefits of continuing to learn, expand, experience, and succeed in a world where we have to adapt. We can embrace this certainty – that change will happen, and we can choose to embrace it and even enjoy it. I mean, what is a weekend if not a change from the weekday grind? Put on those new shoes, enjoy that new movie, taste everything on that new brunch menu – adopt a new attitude – a changed attitude – because you will always be in the middle of change, and that can be a very, very good thing.

References

Pennsylvania State University World Campus (2018). OLEAD 410: Leadership in Global Context. Lesson 5: Learning and Change in a Global Setting. Retrieved September 21, 2018 from https://psu.instructure.com/courses/1942644/modules/items/24935388

Snyder, K. (2014 March 21). How Can You Tell the Difference Between Good Stress and Bad Stress? Kimberly Snyder [Blog]. Retrieved September 23, 2018 from https://kimberlysnyder.com/blog/2014/03/21/can-tell-difference-good-stress-bad-stress/

I worked for a woman who was a master of communicating without words. She used a lift of her chin, a narrowing of her eyes, a clench of her jaw, and a straightening of her spine to convey things she would never say. Her body language was powerful. She used silent messaging: actions such as forgetting to change the office chore rotation every single week for six months, leaving the employee she least liked on bathroom duty. Her language was just as strong, in the other direction. Her voice was always soft, always calm. Her words were carefully chosen and always reasonable, and generally kind. The dichotomy made it impossible for anyone to say anything negative about her. If one called her abusive (which, those who worked closely with her for any length of time would call her) the claim would seem absurd. The board of directors to whom she answered saw her public image, her speeches, her blog, her smile, forwarded email threads in which she used only the most professional and carefully crafted language. She was masterful in both arenas – communicating with spoken words, and with unspoken words. She managed to communicate volumes of unspoken thoughts that could never be traced back to her, because there is no record of silent behaviors or body language.

Moran, Harris, and Moran (2011) quote a study by Ting-Toomey, which found that “up to 65% (an estimate that goes up to 90%) of a message’s meaning is sent through nonverbal cues,” (p. 58) and they quote Edgar T. Hall as saying, “The nonverbal, behavioral part of communication is the provenance of the common man and the core culture that guides life” (p. 58).

Because of this truth – that the nonverbal communication is such a huge part of what is received – she could not keep employees who had to work closely with her. She explained the turnover by citing good workers leaving for larger salaries, or shorter commutes, or bigger benefit packages. The employees cited those things too, because it’s just not possible to keep one’s own reputation intact by claiming a hostile environment exists where clearly no hostile word is ever spoken.

In learning about the intricacies of communication, this situation has come back to me. I am so grateful to be in a new place, without the masterful craft I was privy to for too long. I am also grateful for the lesson I learned in that workplace: while body language and behavior may be stronger messengers than words, words can truly shape a professional reputation.

References:

Moran, R.T., Harris, P.R., & Moran, S.V. (2011). Managing Cultural Differences: Leadership Skills and Strategies for Working in a Global World. Burlington: Elsevier.

Moran, Harris, and Moran (2011), quoting Meyerson and Fletcher, said, “Women at the highest levels of business are still rare . . . less than 4% of the uppermost ranks of CEO, president, vice president, and COO” (pp. 129-130).

That means I’m in a smaller minority than I thought. As the executive director of a longstanding, statewide nonprofit organization, my alternative job title is CEO. Less than four percent, huh? Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit. (Can I say that here? Can a female CEO say “butter my butt and call me a biscuit?” You know what? I can say anything I want, that’s one of the perks of being the place where the buck stops.)

And speaking of bucks. I am definitely proof that women aren’t earning enough to keep up with their male counterparts. My husband and I work in the same field, and when we found out the job I now hold was opening up, we both said, “Wow, that would be a lot of fun,” but he decided not to apply, because the salary was low. This brings me to a question I think we need to be asking when we talk about women earning less than their male counterparts. Certainly if we find a man and a woman with equal education, experience, and ability, in the same company, at the same time, doing identical work, and the man is paid more, we need to have a conversation about gender discrimination affecting salary. It happens. In my case, though, I’m working for an organization that simply offered a lower salary than my own male counterpart – my husband – wanted to accept so he didn’t even bother to apply. Could it be that, at least in some cases, women are making less than men simply because they are willing to work for less, and take lower-paying positions while men pass those positions over? Just a thought, a musing if you will, as we look at this cultural question of gender in the workplace across the world, and the fact that here in America we might not be as advanced as we think we are.

I was distressed to read in Moran, Harris, and Moran’s (2011) “Learning Objectives” section, an introduction that began well, saying, “culture provides definitions for expected female and male roles,” (p. 128) and, “cultural gender norms also influence how men respond to their family roles,” (p. 128), however, they then go on to discuss only women’s cultural norms – not men’s. This felt like its own gender bias. Reading, “American women leaders pride themselves on never missing their children’s school play or soccer games; mothers in Hong Kong put more emphasis on helping their children with their school work; the Chinese mothers across the different societies emphasize family dinners . . .” (p. 128) but reading nothing at all about fathers in America, Hong Kong, China . . . or anywhere . . . was a little disheartening. At our house, it is my husband – my well educated, well respected in his business husband – who does nearly all the laundry, cooking and cleaning for our family of seven. It is my husband who makes sure we sit down as a family at night for supper, and it is my husband who stays up late doing dishes while I often go back to my computer to finish up something official for school or for work. He has taken on the (traditionally, often perceived) female role. He is the one making sure the kids have a parent at their games – that’s not me. I am in the board room making sure I don’t get judged for being at a kid’s game. He goes out and does the grunt work and he is applauded as putting in extra, being so versatile (and forgiving), and I am sometimes perceived as cold. But we are not unique. Many of our friends share our lifestyle, with an active father who will take time off to take a sick child to a doctor, or to make homemade chicken soup. As times change and roles expand, the conversation needs to expand as well. Seeing references to both genders in the family and workplace at the beginning of the section, only to see descriptions of women only once details were gathered, was sad. Yes, I get that we’re discussing the status of women, but we’re discussing the status of women as compared to men, around the world. So where are the details about those men? What standards are we reaching for? How are men’s roles changing as women’s roles change, and vice versa? We are all, as they say in High School Musical, in this together.

So . . . those are the musings of this female CEO as I reflect on Chapter 5. Moran, Harris, and Moran (2011) have a lot of good information for us, and I like busting through that glass ceiling they talk about (p. 141), but seriously, we can’t compare buttermilk biscuits to cheddar biscuits if we only talk about the cheddar.

References:
Moran, R.T., Harris, P.R., & Moran, S.V. (2011). Managing Cultural Differences: Leadership Skills and Strategies for Working in a Global World. Burlington: Elsevier.

“Oh! Hey! Don’t forget to tell her not to point her feet at your mom!”

I heard this from Nick, the tall, long-limbed teenaged boy who stood on the other side of my boyfriend Art’s living room. He said these words with a huge grin on his face, which was normal. This guy was always grinning, because he was always joking.

I laughed. I think I said something like, “Okay,” in a skeptical tone, a questioning tone, an “I’m calling you on your crap” tone. It came out, “OH-kay.” It came out disbelieving, because that’s what I was.

“No, I’m serious,” he told me, dropping the grin. “Seriously. Don’t point your feet at her.”

I looked from this kid, Nick the Grinner, to Art for his reaction. He nodded. “Yeah, don’t point your feet at her.”

I didn’t know what to think. Was this for real? Was I truly not supposed to point my feet at Art’s mother? What did that even mean? Should I keep my body turned away so my toes were to the side, angled away from where she’d be standing? Why? I mean, I got regular pedicures. My feet were still feet, but they were cute.

Art told me, “In Thailand, it’s an insult to point your feet at someone. It’s like flipping them off. Don’t do it.” Art’s mom was Thai, and she was coming for a visit. I’d be meeting her for the first time and it was important to everybody that I make a good impression – or that I at least not make a bad one.

I still had no idea if I was being punked about the foot thing. These guys were always trying to see what they could get me to believe.

When Art’s mom arrived, the first thing she did was ask Art, whose name she pronounced Ah-tuh, to fix her a Tanqueray and water. He did. I was surprised to see my underage, boarding-school educated, good-boy man-child know exactly which glass to grab, and exactly how much ice, liquor and water to pour to make his mother sip and sigh with relief. Then she extended her gaze to me and studied me with half a frown, taking in this bleach-blond American her son had been spending all his off-time with in the year that she’d been away.

She invited me (actually, she instructed me) to sit down. I did. She told me to get comfortable. I put my feet up on the ottoman in front of me – and was immediately struck by the sharp intake of breath from Art and Nick, who had not yet sat down and had just witnessed me pointing my feet at Art’s mother. I whipped my feet back to the floor. Apologized. Art’s mother smiled a generous, gracious smile that did not meet her eyes.

I had committed my first big cultural faux pas. I had a lot to learn.

This experience from my life illustrates the importance of becoming aware of cultural differences and cultural norms. Had I taken the time to learn about Art’s Thai culture, and had I believed the men who told me not to point my feet, I would have made a better impression on the woman who would become my first mother-in-law. Perhaps things would have gone better! As a sixteen-year-old girl who was used to heavy teasing and who had only experienced North America, I required a better education before I could successfully navigate a cross-cultural experience. I think many people worldwide, but perhaps especially in America, share my naiveté and make unintended – and at times unnecessary – gaffes such as the one I made that day when I lifted my feet and insulted the very person I wanted to please. Moran, Harris and Moran, authors of Managing Cultural Differences: Leadership Skills and Strategies for Working in a Global World, tell us, “When cultural differences are understood and utilized as a resource, then all benefit. When they are not, the costs are significant” (p.35).

Pennsylvania State University describes Geert Hofstede’s dimensions of culture as having six areas: “power distance, uncertainty avoidance, individualism/collectivism, masculinity/femininity, long-term/short-term orientation, and indulgence/restraint” (PSU WC, L.2, p.5). These areas are significant because each is a focal point for differences and each provides variables that need to be researched, learned and accepted in order to function successfully across a cultural divide. Many were at play between me and Art’s mom. Certainly the facet that most sticks out for me was the power distance: I was a child, she was an adult. We did not have equal status. The expectation that I show her respect, then, was heightened even beyond what she would have expected from a peer, so my failure to do so was even more grievous.

The Penn Staters point out another important consideration in cross-cultural functionality. They tell us, “Basically, ethnocentrism is the belief that one’s culture is better than others’ simply because one cannot see the world from the other culture’s viewpoint” (PSU WC, L.2, p.6.) What does this have to do with me and Art’s mom, you might ask? Did one of us perceive our own culture as better than the other’s? Well . . . I want to say no. I want to tell you neither of us was that self-absorbed. But the truth is, I think we all perceive our personal cultural norms to be superior when we compare them to others, because they are our NORMS. We are taught from our earliest childhood moments to embrace normal, to speak, walk, talk, write, and relate “normally”. But what is normal? Therein lies the basis for this entire conversation. What is normal to me might be abnormal to someone from another culture. What is normal for that person might be abnormal to me. We are taught to reject things that are not normal – so it becomes difficult to believe that another person’s culture is as valuable and as correct as our own, if it is different from our own.

As our world moves toward becoming more invested in a global marketplace and a global climate, the need for cultural awareness continues to increase. Some groups have always known about this need. The Peace Corps, for example, has a long history of sending people from one nation to another, from one culture to another. They have provided a video that discusses common cultural gaffes, and guess what? Foot pointing is in the video! It’s too bad I didn’t see that before Art’s mom came to visit. Maybe I would have been more careful with my feet.

The video is linked below. I suggest you check it out. You never know when you might find yourself in a situation that calls for you to stay on your toes – or to be aware of something else entirely.

 

 

Works Cited

Moran, R.T., Harris, P.R., & Moran, S.V. (2011). Managing Cultural Differences: Leadership Skills and Strategies for Working in a Global World. Jordan Hill, Oxford, UK: Elsevier.

Peace Corps (n.d.) Cultural gaffes beyond your borders (video file). Retrieved August 30, 2018 from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haohj1sVnyk&feature=youtu.be

Pennsylvania State University World Campus (2018). OLEAD 410: Leadership in Global Context. Lesson 2: Introduction to Culture. Retrieved August 30, 2018 from https://psu.instructure.com/courses/1942644/modules/items/24935359