Phobia advice coming from a scaredy-cat. Read at your leisure!
3 thoughts on ““This I Believe” Draft Post”
Damn, it sucks that a passion of yours was taken by a crappy coach. I’m excited to hear a recording of this, you can do a lot tonally with a reading of this.
Within your intro sentence, I think you forgot to add ‘teacher’ after kindergarten lol. Other than that I enjoyed your arrangement with providing the fundamentals of where you got your belief from. The conflict was based around the horrible basketball coach and you finding your voice to express how you feel. Sensory wise I feel you hit every key point and allowed for a good way for those listening to see exactly what you mean. I agree with oscar when he said you can do a lot with the tone of this podcast.
Obviously the conflict is between you and your coach, and it’s pretty straightforward. However you really only touch on this at the very end. Additionally, the birthday thing feels like it was thrown in at the very end, like if you needed to add something to the story more compelling. Although this was obviously a big deal for you, the story feels a bit generic and impersonal. This feels like a “This is Believed” rather than “This I Believe”.Your belief obviously aligned with the story, however it was immediately obvious, and I didn’t feel like I had to read anything other than the first and last paragraph to understand your message. I think you could use a lot more detail in terms of emotion and description. I think you should either remove or explain further how your birthday is relevant to the story.
Damn, it sucks that a passion of yours was taken by a crappy coach. I’m excited to hear a recording of this, you can do a lot tonally with a reading of this.
Within your intro sentence, I think you forgot to add ‘teacher’ after kindergarten lol. Other than that I enjoyed your arrangement with providing the fundamentals of where you got your belief from. The conflict was based around the horrible basketball coach and you finding your voice to express how you feel. Sensory wise I feel you hit every key point and allowed for a good way for those listening to see exactly what you mean. I agree with oscar when he said you can do a lot with the tone of this podcast.
Obviously the conflict is between you and your coach, and it’s pretty straightforward. However you really only touch on this at the very end. Additionally, the birthday thing feels like it was thrown in at the very end, like if you needed to add something to the story more compelling. Although this was obviously a big deal for you, the story feels a bit generic and impersonal. This feels like a “This is Believed” rather than “This I Believe”.Your belief obviously aligned with the story, however it was immediately obvious, and I didn’t feel like I had to read anything other than the first and last paragraph to understand your message. I think you could use a lot more detail in terms of emotion and description. I think you should either remove or explain further how your birthday is relevant to the story.