For the latest passion blog concerning body positivity, I wanted to get a little personal and talk about why this means so much to me and what I’ve gone through with body positivity. I have personally struggled with body image since elementary school. I hit all of my growth spurts before everyone else, hit puberty before everyone else, and got glasses in third grade. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail, and my classmates loved to playfully remind me that I was the tallest one in the class. That was elementary school. In middle school, I had braces, short hair and being an early bloomer made me obviously different. In highschool, I was an athlete that did not look all that athletic. I was an average weight, but all of my volleyball teammates were thin and tall. Whenever I was on my off season, I’d notice weight gain and get nervous and anxious to get back to my preseason workouts again and go running in the park near my house. Going into college, the freshman 15 scared me more than anything else in the world.

Spring of my junior year of high school, my high school boyfriend and I split up. I found out he was seeing other girls and was in love with one of his longtime friends. After dating him for the entirety of my highschool career up until then, the news crushed me and my self-esteem hit a hard downward spiral. That summer, I started working out excessively, dieting, weight lifting, and went into fall of my senior year in the best shape of my life (however, at the time I didn’t think I was in good shape at all).

Spring of my senior year of high school, I made a birth control switch to the Depo Provera shot from the traditional pill. I gained 10 lbs in the next 6-9 months, but I worked out and watched my weight. I became increasingly discouraged that my daily workout efforts were making no difference. Yes, I could feel my body getting stronger, but that did not mean anything to me unless I could SEE a difference on my body and the scale. It was this year that I found Iskra Lawrence and fell absolutely in love with her. She was larger than I was, but she was happy with her size and emphasized feeling how strong your body was/is and respecting and loving it for that. Going into the summer, I had my low moments, but for the most part I was happy. I loved the clothes I was wearing, I was happy with what I was doing. I was strong, happy, and healthy.

I went into the fall of my first semester with this same energy. I was happy, good-looking, and confident. Then, a social fiasco happened. I was bullied out of my building, roommate drama, etc. and I lost the people I was closest with for the first half of my first semester. My self-confidence dropped, until I became close with girls in my new building; then, I blossomed again. I was looking forward to next semester and sorority recruitment. Then, sorority recruitment rolls around, and the process of sororities being narrowed down and getting dropped from certain organizations made me feel as though I wasn’t good enough for anyone or any organization. I would come home in tears and call my boyfriend crying and asking “what’s wrong with me?” over and over again. I fell in love with my sorority and I couldn’t be happier where I am now. The girls lift me up, and are more than supportive and honest.

Today, I’ve been struggling a lot and have been trying to go to the gym and find time for myself and some self-care. Role models like Iskra Lawrence and many of the others I have been writing about have inspired me to find the best in myself when that seems like a huge challenge some days. Body positivity and self-love are works in progress and will have ups and downs and good and bad days. These movements and people have been really important to me, and I hope they help anyone else that’s struggling too.