As a scientist, I often spent more time lost in thoughts outside of myself – experiments, deadlines, coursework – than devoting time to personal introspection. However, I discovered that reflecting on my motivations and goals are important to feeling centered and succeeding in grad school. Thus, I wrote to myself some reminders and started revisiting them as checkpoints for my mental health. Although, in the beginning, the following advice sounded to me like superficial aphorisms on the back of a teabag, “sip by sip” I became aware that I could be happier if I followed them.
Note: It is bittersweet to write about my personal experiences as I am still finding my ways to conclude my degree. I am not here to give anyone advice. Instead, I share my story to contribute to the community of graduate students who are enduring difficult times and want to talk about it.
Stop comparing yourself with others
I heard this advice on my first day in graduate school by talking with senior students. At the beginning of my training trying to be as good as my peers helped me acquire and improve upon skills that were beneficial to my professional performance. However, overtime, comparing myself with others often led me to think that I was not working hard enough. My continuous desire to out-do myself drained my energy and led to negative self-esteem. After a few good cries and self-analysis, I noticed that excessively comparing myself with others was detrimental to my overall well-being. Each graduate student has different life experiences, abilities, and cultural and educational backgrounds. Our differences provide us each with unique ways to execute tasks. So instead of looking at my classmates as rivals, I asked for their advice and offered support. Their accomplishments now inspire me to believe that I will also be successful in my own way and in my own time.
You are good enough
Being in academia has allowed me to encounter many smart and talented people and explore unfamiliar situations. Inevitably, I went through periods of self-doubt and despair. I often asked myself if I deserved to be a doctoral student while I was hopeless that I would be able to get anything done correctly. I was afflicted with “imposter syndrome.” Luckily, I had emotional support from family and friends who reminded me of my own self-worth. They reminded me of my story, my frustrations, my persistence, and my accomplishments. So, when you start doubting yourself, remember your trajectory, your victories, and that you are already successful for simply making it this far.
There is always something to be thankful for
It is easy to dwell on problems and let the negative thoughts become all-consuming. I experienced this when I projected my frustrations at work onto my partner. After hearing me out, a friend helped me realize how I was making my relationship unhealthy and how my partner, to the best of his abilities, was being nothing but supportive through my hard times. From this situation, I learned that when I am having bad days at work, instead of projecting my feelings onto others, I should remind myself of the good things I have in my life – family, friendships, accomplishments – and be grateful for them.
Be true to your current self
Not long ago, I found myself imagining what my future would look like. I started asking; What do I want to achieve in my personal life? What do I want to do for a living? What are my passions? I felt odd for not knowing or having complete answers to these questions. Little by little, I discovered new goals and priorities that were significantly different from those I had at the beginning of my Ph.D. training. In my first two years, I worked overtime, trying to advance my training and get more work done. I often canceled social meetings with friends and colleagues. Then, I found myself feeling lonely and missing fun moments. I realized that developing friendships and bonding with my peers improved not only teamwork but gave me a sense of belonging. I also thought that a career in academia was my only option after graduation. But now I see that there are other careers in science that I would love to contribute to. Today, I am working towards achieving my new goals and adjusting my work-life balance to meet my expectations for my future career. Thus, knowing what you want and knowing that this too may change, is something powerful and transformative.
Overall, I AM proud to be a Ph.D. student. I also agree academia needs to change and support a healthier environment for the minds of students, faculty, and staff. So, check our feelings, talk about them, and work together to promote change.
Written by M. Isabel da Silva
Mental Health at Penn State
Whether you are struggling with academic stress, homesickness, relationship issues, depression, or another mental health concern, the staff at the Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS) are available to support you. >> Read more