Last year I arrived at my son’s preschool where he was working with some of his peers organizing their outdoor workspace. I stayed out of the sight of the children because I was curious to see how my son interacted with his peers. I stared in shock as my child called everyone over and announced their goal and discussed what they needed to do in order to get it done. He asked each child to pick a job and then kept them on task when a few started to be silly and digress by telling them the teacher said if they did not finish there would not be any playground time. I walked into the class and asked his teacher if my son was supposed to be bossing the other children around and she chuckled and told me that he is the class leader because he is a stickler for the rules and wants to ensure that everyone in his group works together. Silly me, because I did not see my son as a leader, but as being bossy and I found this shocking because this was a foreign part of his personality. It got me thinking about where he may have learned this and if it will ultimately have any impact on the type of person he will grow up to be.
The psychodynamic approach to understanding leadership is a compilation of various thoughts and ideas rooted in personality types and begins with examining the “roots of the individual in the family (Northouse, 2013, pp. 319-320). Supporters of psychodynamic theory believe that familial relationships and interactions that occur in childhood cause deep-rooted, subconscious emotional responses that ultimately effect behavior in adulthood. To put this in context, psychodynamic theorists would contend my son is a follower and my husband and I are leaders, whereby his experiences with us are directly reflected in his reactions as he grows. As he gets older, he is learning to become more independent from us (his parents), and becoming his own unique person, yet still patterning his actions and reactions from what he observes in the home (The Pennsylvania State University, 2012).
One of the identified weaknesses with utilizing psychodynamic theory is that most of the research is predicated upon a two-parent, traditional family (The Pennsylvania State University, 2012). In my son’s case, he has a traditional two-parent household, which I feel puts him at an advantage because he has exposure to both male and female role models. Both my husband and I are similar in that we are both extroverts and we typically lead by consensus, as opposed to leading by dictating, however, we do react to situations differently. I react with much more emotion than my husband does; however, my son spends the majority of time with me. My son tends to emulate my emotional responses because he is with me a majority of the time, but my husband will step in and help him to reason in an effort to offset my emotional impression. After hearing my son emulate me when he got frustrated, much in the way I do when I get frustrated in traffic, I have also made an effort to try to not be as emotional in my responses. I have noticed a big difference in his reactions over the last six months because of the concerted effort to get him to think before he acts and hopefully this will translate into less emotional reactions as an adult.
As I mentioned, my son has experienced leadership by consensus through our parenting style, as well as in daily interactions with others. Do not get me wrong, our children do not rule the house, but they understand consequences, the need for information to make an informed decision and have the confidence to execute the plan. Applying psychodynamics to the scene I witnessed with his peers it makes perfect sense that he would try to get everyone involved in accomplishing the goal because he learned that if they didn’t achieve the goal, there would be a consequence (no recess).
We do not know how our son will turn out to be when he grows up, but hopefully somewhere in his deep subconscious he will have gleamed the best parts of both parents. Considering the complex nature of the parent-child relationship and the amount of time that it takes to mature, hopefully the foundation that we are continuing to build will have a positive effect on his ability to lead and follow and hopefully we will not end up in therapy one day.
References:
Northouse, P.G. (2013). Leadership: Theory and Practice. Los Angeles: Sage.
The Pennsylvania State University. (2012). Lesson 3: Psychodynamic Approach. Retrieved from Penn State World Campus Psych 485: Leadership in Work Settings website https://courses.worldcampus.psu.edu/fa12/psych485/001/content/03_lesson/printlesson.html.
BENJAMIN EDWARD NIXON says
Every week my daughter goes to the library with my mother in law for Tiny Tots Story Hour. Recently I had the chance to take my daughter to story hour myself. The hour is set up so that they read two to three books to the children make a craft and then have a snack. My daughter, much like your son, was the one who was bossing the group. When I got home I asked my mother in law if Ava behaves like this typically with the other children. She says that she is always the one that takes the other children by the hand and leads them through the tasks. We have always said that Ava is two going on twenty. Ava has traits of both my wife and I. I am very outgoing a people person and laid back. My wife is very organized and detail oriented and less social. The Psychodynamic Approach lends itself to our situation in that, “The psychodynamic approach focuses on learned and deep emotional responses”(PSU WorldCampus, 2012). Ava has learned the traits of both of our personalities and demonstrated a mix of them when she is in independent social situations.
References:
PSU World Campus. (2012). Lesson 3: Psychodynamic Approach. Retrieved from: https://courses.worldcampus.psu.edu/fa12/psych485/001/content/03_lesson/01_page
KATHRYN BETCHER says
I like your observation. I need to consider this for situations I have seen my niece go through. Right now she is going through what I call a mommy phase. She refuses to leave my sister’s side and cries when she does. Now, she is five and has been in daycare since she was a baby so you wouldn’t think she would be like this. My sister had her start a new preschool this year and that sent her over the edge. She is even so bold as to tell you she cried and got upset but then it was ok and she liked it. If I look at this the psychodynamic way, I can totally see why she is reacting this way. Her father is a person who flies off the handle and then calms down. He is a yeller and overreacts all the time, so much so that he has gone to therapy. Add that to the over emotional side of my sister and there is my niece stand on the other side.
My curiosity though comes from the other influences in her world. Their family is very mixed. Two other kids with two other mothers. The other children are older, 17 and 12. And of course they have other family influences. Can we consider them in the influence of my niece? She sees how they are with each other and with the parents so I think she is also learning from people vicariously. These children bring their learned behavior from outside in. The big question is how do you stop all this cross learning if the habits are bad? You have a great situation in that you are the old norm family. But in today’s world how can you get that without actually being at family.
TERRY PICKETT GLADHILL says
Hi Heather,
I enjoyed reading your blog entry. It is amazing how our children are mirror images of ourselves and each day provide us with a healthy dose of learning and self awareness. In this week’s lesson we were discussing the “virtues” of the psychodynamic approach and I for one, continue to see the value and relevancy. It’s hard to argue with the family of origin. You know the old adage, “if you want to see what your wife is going to look like – just look at her mother.” So much of who we are and how we behave is based upon our own childhood experiences and the relationships with our parents/family. It is hard to fight nature – as we age, it is amazing how we become more and more like our parents….