Here’s a preliminary rough draft of my This I Believe, entitled “On Appreciating Gifts”: I’ll give the first rough draft, then at the end I’ll list some areas that I struggled with or some problems that I see with it. Thanks guys!
On Appreciating Gifts
On July 7th, 2012, it was well over 100° in my hometown of West Chester, PA. It happened to be the day of my graduation party, about a month after I had graduated from high school. I had been sent to pick up the party platters from a small neighboring town, donning a bright sun dress and fresh updo. Riding shotgun in my car was my boyfriend, and he played with the radio as we drove. It was just one more day of the summer for the quiet little borough of West Chester, but for me, it was an exciting and extremely memorable moment in time.
It was also the day that I learned in a very hard way the importance of life; because of that day, I now believe in the importance of recognizing that each human on this earth has one life to live, and what a fleeting life it is.
Later in the day, as I returned from running errands for the party, at approximately 4:00 pm, I attempted to make a U-turn on the highway in a dangerous spot. I went around the turn too fast, lost control of my car, and collided with the guard rail on the opposite side of the highway. The severity of the accident was apparent immediately- my car was totaled. I turned to my right as the shock of the impact wore off, horrified to see Nick’s empty seat obscured by the twisted frame of the car. I knew my car was old enough that only the driver side had an airbag, and that he had not had one. My heart leapt into my throat and not a sound escaped me. Time slowed as my thoughts stopped, my body frozen. He was gone.
A furious and urgent banging on my window drew me back to the present moment, and I turned to see Nick knocking on my window and yelling at me to get out of the car. Without thinking I exited the car as he explained how he had gotten out of the car mere seconds after impact to make sure that I was ok. I was speechless as I held him.
Life moved on after that moment, but I was looking at it through a very different lens. That day, I learned how much of a blessing life is, and how to never take it for granted. In the accident report, the police officer who arrived at the scene told us that he had never seen an accident like this where the passenger had survived impact without an airbag. He wasn’t sure how it had happened, or why.
I believe that life is fleeting, but precious. I believe that we are where we are for a reason, and that no one should take life for granted. I believe that you get one chance at life, and it is a gift. Gifts are not things we deserve or things we have worked towards, they are simply things that we have been given, to do with what we please. In this way, gifts are blessings, and I believe in appreciating the gift of life.
Some of my thoughts:
- Do I have too many details in the beginning? Do they distract from what I’m trying to say? Is this too contextual for the universal message that I’m trying to get across?
- Do I need to state what I believe earlier? (deductive v. inductive)
- Is there something a little off about the first sentence? I was trying to go with something that would catch the attention of the reader.
- Can you state multiple different beliefs from one thing? I’m sort of struggling with this at the end a bit. Is it too much?
I literally had goosebumps when I read this! I think that putting your story first was a good way to go with this because the message is quite clear after the story, even without further explanation. As far as the details go, I keep going back and forth. At first, I thought it was effective in setting up the scene. But, I also am not sure if it takes up too much space or time which could be filled with more comments on what you believe. And I definitely think that you can come out of something and have multiple beliefs. But, for this assignment’s purpose, I would try to tie your many beliefs into one general belief. I think you accomplished that by talking about how life is precious and is a gift, because they both go hand in hand. Great job!
Wow. I literally couldn’t stop reading that once I started. That’s so scary and compelling and I don’t know what other adjective to put here, but I know it should be an intense one. I think, in your case, it was effective to put your story first because it is so attention-grabbing. I like your belief at the end, but perhaps you could start with the belief of “life is a gift” before you say it is fleeting or precious..if that’s the more central idea you’re trying to emphasize. Just a thought. Really good though!