Welcome back, horrible people! This is our second to last edition of the Misfortunes of Mike, and I’m sad to see our series come to an end. I’m hoping for a happy ending for our last post, but we all need to send a prayer to the relationship gods in order for things to work out in this next week.

For this post, we are going to back track a couple weeks. Mike encountered Jordan much earlier in the semester; however, I skipped over this story when it first happened because we were focused on Laura and Emily. I decided to go back to this gem because it made me laugh harder than his other stories. Unlike my usual stories on relationships, Jordan is just a friendship fail (I wanted to change my style up a bit!). So, I hope you enjoy this one as much as I do!

When Mike was in his English class, he sat next to Jordan for no particular reason. Do you know when you meet someone and you instantly hit it off? Either you like the same shows, books, and music or you play the same sports. Something that just causes an instant spark. That was the automatic connection Mike and Jordan had. Even if they had some differences (Jordan wasn’t a fly-fisher which as we know is one of Mike’s favorite activities), they still showed interest in each other’s activities. It was almost like they were soulmates but in a friend way rather than a dating way. This was exciting for Mike because he has been having a tough time feeling like he belongs here at Penn State (sorry to get emotional on you all), so finding a new, close friend was just what Mike needed.

All throughout that week of classes, Mike and Jordan Snapchatted and texted becoming close friends in the virtual world as well as reality. The following week, while in English class, Mike and Jordan were chatting about experiences they wanted to try when Jordan mentioned yoga. Jordan also mentioned there was a class that night that they should attend together. Although Mike had never really considered doing yoga, he knew it helped calm you down which was exactly what he needed with a few exams coming up. Mike agreed to go to the yoga session with Jordan unaware into what situation he was getting himself.

Fast forward a few hours and Mike and Jordan were at yoga together side-by-side on the mats. This is when Mike started to notice hints on which he had not picked up. Jordan’s eyes were wandering all over his body during the workout, but maybe it wasn’t just him, right? Mike paid closer attention without being too obvious, and his thoughts were confirmed. Jordan was only staring so intently at Mike, so he did a classic Mike move and stared back (Not at Jordan’s body, just into Jordan’s eyes, trying to catch eye contact, and be like, “Um, hello??”), and Jordan simply shrugged. After the yoga session, Mike knew he had to talk to Jordan because that look was definitely not nothing, so, as they walked out, Mike asked in the least subtle way possible and got the reply: “You’re extremely nice to look at it’s hard to take my eyes away” followed by “and I’m obviously into you.”

I know you’re wondering, Why is this a bad thing? She sounds great!, but the problem is Jordan wasn’t a she. Jordan is a boy who was sexually interested in Mike. While Mike isn’t homophobic in the least (he even has two moms!), he definitely does not swing that way. Although flattered, Mike gently informed Jordan of his sexuality, and they are still friends to this day. To add a cherry to the top of the ice cream, this is not the first guy Mike has attracted. He’s been hit on by multiple men here at Penn State. At least he’s getting hit on by someone, right?

Until next week, my horrible people!