I still remember that exact feeling on June 24, 2012. It was move-in day for my freshman year. I can still smell that pungent odor of the old dorms mixed with new textbooks. In my stomach, there was a paradox of nervousness, excitement, anxiety, and vulnerability. Suddenly, a plethora of questions raced through my mind. Who will I meet? What will I be? Will I become accepted here? Will this place ever feel like a home? Abruptly, I realized that I was in the neutral zone. I experienced dissonance and unpredictability. High school graduation ended weeks ago and the beginning has yet to become. I don’t have friends, familiarity, or a feeling of comfort. I also experienced this “neutral zone” on my first day of classes at Penn State. I thought, “Will my professors be nice? Will I have friends in my classes? How will I make it to class on time when I’m so far away? Am I smart enough to handle all of these classes?”

All of the theories that we discussed on Tuesday reflect to my personal transition from high school to college. I would not be who I am without these stages. Schlossberg’s theory explained how I was the “Info seeking” type who always wanted to know what was going on. I had an irrational fear of being late or not knowing something that everyone else did. Therefore, I would always ask every question I could to my professors, LEAP mentor, and upperclassmen. Perry’s theory came into place as my college journey unfolded. I started out with “Dualism”, which is a black and white world. I always did as I was told, picked a major because my dad told me it was the right thing to do, and thought as the world as one way or the other. When “Multiplicity” came into play, I started to see more gray. I would use the insight from authorities while also incorporating my own thoughts. I knew it was time for me to make my own choices. I started to use the “Multiplicity” stage when I adjusted to my schedule, studied for tests on my own, and improved my social life. I began my “Relativism” stage when I started to drop the friends that were toxic to my wellbeing, learn from my mistakes, improve my test scores, and maintain good psychological health. The stress of college is not a walk in the park. I had to make my own decisions to maintain good physical and mental health, while keeping up with my grades, social life, work, and organizations. My “Commitment” stage didn’t happen until the end of sophomore year when I realized what I truly want to be for the rest of my life. I made a commitment to TA positions and research in my major and became determined to be accepted into a prestige graduate school for medical speech-language pathology. I made a commitment to make all of my own decisions, with the help of authorities still in the back of my mind. I now can free think and talk to my professors with my own thoughts. I now do not need any parent or authority to tell me what’s right from wrong. I always know what is the right thing to do and what will help me to come closer to my dreams. I hope the class of 2019 will experience the same thing. I definitely used Chickering’s 7 vectors because I have developed an official identity. My purpose is to help those with disabilities and I know that my identity is a genuine, compassionate person. That’s what I want to be for the rest of my life. Nothing can take that away.

Gradually, I used Chickering’s 7 vectors during my college career. I developed competence during my freshman year when I realized that I did well in all of my major-related classes. My professors always applauded my hard work and class participation. I learned to manage my emotions when I realized that I had weaknesses and needed to do better on the following exams. So instead of hysterically crying, I would go to my professors, learn what I did wrong, and do better on the next exam or project. I moved towards interdependence by learning to work with my professors, classmates, and lab team. I would use these people as resources to better my academic performance. I became closer to my professors and developed professional interpersonal relationships by becoming their TA and lab assistant. My professors always said that I stood out in class because of my determination to do well and because of my ability to think in a clinical way. Thus, I earned 2 TA positions and a lab position that I will continue until I graduate. I am content to say that I have at least 3 professors who are fond of my work and are willing to write my letters of recommendation for graduate school. I developed a purpose and integrity when I realized how much compassion I have for people. As someone who relied on doctors and nurses for 5 years, it was easy for me to have the desire to give back. I didn’t want to just be sitting at a cubicle all day. I knew I wanted to watch my clients’ improvement and enhance the quality of their lives. Therefore, I developed my identity, which is a compassionate, helping person. I became a “free-thinker” in Perry’s commitment stage by being able to come up with my own study strategies, doing good, and helping others without the need of someone advising me. If things went wrong, I’d learn to cope with my failure and fix it instead of dwelling on it.

The Schlossberg strategy that I used was the “Info seeking” strategy. I’m a very anxious person and I always want to know what’s going on. I’m super on-top with my schedule and balancing my work life with school, organizations, and friends. Therefore, when I was in the neutral zone, I asked way too many questions. I was always worried about being late for class or meetings. I also always wanted to make sure I did the assignment exactly the right way. Penn State’s campus is huge, especially to an incoming freshman. That’s why I always asked specifically where things were, how long things would take, and the best route to take so that I wouldn’t be late for subsequent commitments. If I got a one-word answer, I wanted more. I wanted to know everything about preferable dining commons food, best places to study, organizations to meet people, and how to navigate Penn State. Honestly, I’m a bit much with the questions but it made me who I am today. I now know so much about Penn State, my major, and all that my organizations have to offer. Some may say I’m annoying but I know that my professors appreciate my perfectionism and my ability to challenge their thoughts. For me, the “Info seeking” strategy worked because of the anxious perfectionist that I am.