Standing at the Doors of Death is a tall man of husky build, with sandy blond hair and golden eyes. He is wearing a golden tunic. and In his hand is a golden staff with two snakes circling around the top. On his feet are golden sandals, complete with fluttering wings.

“Well hello there! Oh don’t worry, they won’t bite.” He motions to the snakes. “I was just checking the doors to the Underworld to…ummm…never mind. Nothing to see here, nothing to worry about. Just move along.

No? Well then, suit yourself. A word of advice though: don’t leave your possessions unguarded. You never know when they might…go missing. Just saying.” His fingers flex as he grips his staff, as if fighting off a temptation. “Oh and watch your back, you never know when someone’s trying to trick you.” Golden eyes stare at the clouds, attempting to appear innocent. “Changing topics now. So…who am I, you ask?

Why, I’m Hermes of course! God of thieves, trade, commerce, and games. I’m also the messenger of the gods, which means I have the ability to travel between the worlds of the gods, the living, and the dead. I’m the only one officially allowed to do that, which is pretty cool.” As he talks, Hermes walks into a small village. “Say…what’s this?” He picks up a ripe apple from a vendor’s stand while the man is distracted. “Don’t mind if I do.” He takes a large bite of the apple as he continues on his way. “Now, as I was saying. As the messenger between the worlds, I have to deliver some pretty heavy messages, metaphorically speaking. (And literally, do you have any idea how heavy some of Apollo’s packages are? It’s like he’s shipping an entire orchestra!) Speaking of Apollo, never once has he ever said “thank you” or even mumbled a bit of gratitude towards me for giving him the lyre. He spends all his free time playing music on it, and you’d think that just ONCE he’d remember who gave it to him.

No matter, I have more important tasks to spend my time on. Like…wait…is that what I think it is?” He squints into the distance. It is! Well well well, what do we have here. A simple game of chance. A con is more like it. Right up my alley though. You see, I never really have regrets about playing games with people because, well, I almost always win! And what’s better than getting what you want? Yes yes I know, stealing is wrong and I should play fair, blah blah blah. But where’s the fun in that?

Hermes proceeds to join in the game, slyly tricking other players into forfeiting their shares in the false hope that he will share his winnings with them “when he wins.” But as soon as Hermes places down his winning card, he quickly and cunningly convinces the other players that they had freely given him their shares, and that he owes them nothing. The whole display by Hermes is one of deceitfulness and manipulation, and ends with Hermes walking away with everyone’s shares. No notices that Hermes keeps his hands behind his back from then on.

“Oh don’t worry, my whole life isn’t spent tricking people out of their possessions or stealing whatever I want, whenever I want. I DO have some positive things about me. Like how I’m the god of trade and commerce! I guess you could say that they are closely related to thievery, but I make sure trade happens legitimately, I swear it on the River Styx!

A rumbling can be felt deep within the earth at the mention of the words “River Styx.”

Anywhoooo, back to the whole I’m-the-messenger-of-the-gods thing. I get to fly with my nifty flying sandals between Olympus and Earth and the Underworld. I think I win in the frequent flyer club for sure! Just last week, I delivered a suspicious package for a demigod on Earth to Hades in the Underworld, Let me tell you, I don’t know who was more surprised, me or Hades! The box was full of plants! Can you believe it? PLANTS! For HADES! Hahaha I couldn’t stop laughing when I saw the look on Hades face when he, the Lord of the Dead, opened up a box of living, breathing plants! A loud ringing noise is heard over Hermes’ laughing, causing him to stop laughing immediately.

Uh oh, sounds like another package for me to deliver. Unlike some people (not naming names, Mr god-of-music-and-poetry), I take my job seriously. I just hope it’s not for Hades; personally I prefer delivering packages up here, surrounded by living things and basking in the warm sunlight. (Thanks for the sun, Apollo, even though you’ll never learn to thank me for anything in return!) The Underworld is so dark and cold, no wonder Persephone hates it there so much.

You begin think to yourself, “The ringing noise sounds again, but this time louder and longer.”

“ALRIGHT I’m coming! Sheeeesh, gods sure are impatient. They need a lesson in chillaxing. Seriously.”

Hermes looks to the sky and shouts “Maia!” The wings on his shoes flutter to life, lifting him higher and higher into the air. He rises in the sky towards Olympus, a suspicious golden locket in his hand. Not again…