A man emerges from the bowels of a workshop, the air filled with thick black smoke. The workshop itself is every craftsman’s dream – infinite levels of tools, workbenches, and junk heaps as far as the eye can see. Modern technology is mixed with ancient relics, and all show signs of being tinkered with. The man himself emerges from the shadows of the smoke, and his features become more prominent. His body is hunched over and deformed, unfortunately due to his mother’s throwing him off of a cliff. His hands are large and calloused, reflecting years of hard work. The creases in his face are permanently etched with soot and sweat, but his eyes…his eyes show wisdom and experience and knowledge, yes. But there is also a glimmer of…laughter?

“Haha ooooh boy, they have NO idea what they’re in for. Of course, they deserve much worse than that. You would think that after eons of falling into my traps, my cheating wife and her nefarious ‘boyfriend’ would learn. But nooooo, they still insist on going behind my back, behind my trust. It breaks my heart every time. If I wasn’t immortal, my heart would have broken into too many pieces to support me a long time ago.”

He gazes into the distance, his eyes focused on nothing.

“At least I still have my workshop to keep me company. All of these gadgets and trinkets look like junk to others, but to me each is a gem. Trash to someone, treasure to me. Plus, no one can find me here. I like to keep my workshop location a secret so I’m not constantly being bothered by people asking me to fix every little thing. I need peace and quiet you know, I need to be able to focus. I can’t build or fix things without being able to focus. I also come up with my own original designs, some of which have very useful purposes for me.”

Suddenly, he begins to grow angry again. His eyes light up with flames, and his hands begin to crush miscellaneous objects he picks up. Smoke begins to come out of his ears, nose, and mouth.

“But Aphrodite and Ares really like to ruin my concentration every chance they get. They love to mess with my mind and my heart, and it hurts deeply that they feel as if they can toy with my emotions. That is why I mess with THEM in return. Glad to know that my design and tinkering skills come in handy for more than Zeus’ latest whim. All of the secret traps I set up are done so to catch them in embarrassing situations, which is then broadcast throughout the entire immortal world! That way everyone can know about my wife’s constant infidelity with that obnoxious, backstabbing, heartless brute.”

He closes his eyes, takes in a deep breath, and then looks up. Smoke is no longer coming out out his head, his eyes have returned to normal, and his face appears much calmer.

“But I always have my work. My tools are always ready, and there is always a new project to work on. I can work with celestial bronze and mortal iron alike, and there is nothing I can’t fix. You could say I’m good with my hands. I am especially skilled at creating new and more protective battle armor, although Athena is never happy with what I design. My last set was cast with celestial bronze and gold, and when you put it on, you can’t even feel the armor you are wearing, it is so light and flexible. But it works, don’t doubt me there. I would never risk someone’s life with dangerous or faulty equipment. I put all of my designs through test phases, and only if they pass every test I can come up with will I send them on to Olympus.”

A loud bang can be heard from above, followed by a shower of sparks and metal shavings. A ringing noise sounds throughout the workshop, but Hephaestus just groans.

“Oh dear, that’ll be my new Hekatonkheire assistant. I wonder what he did this time…”