I started seeing a therapist weekly around the beginning of my senior year of high school. I have only missed a week here and there since then, but I’m currently on my fourth week without therapy, and without any certainty of continuing therapy ahead. This is not by choice, mind you. Is this why my passion blog has become kind of a personal dump of identity related stuff? Perhaps. It helps me to write about it, but I also think it can help others with similar feelings and experiences to read about it. Long story short, my therapist went on maternity leave 3 weeks early, and the day before I was supposed to be transferred to a new therapist, I got a call that I was dropped by that entire therapy company due to their updated out-of-state policy. Now here I am a month later, working to support myself and falling back into old bad habits (~thriving~).

I was inspired to write today’s post about identity exploration in relation to therapy after hearing news from my mom about a possible new therapist, after lots of complications about out-of-state and insurance issues. Anyway, this possible new therapist has dyed hair, a nose ring, uses they/them pronouns, and of course has LGBTQ+ listed under their specialties. So, I’m very excited to say the least. (Also side note, I’m still not “officially out” to my mom so this is a little hilarious, but I’m grateful.)

I began thinking about the possibilities of therapy with a queer and genderqueer therapist, who will definitely be able to understand me much better than my previous cisgender, straight, female therapist. I really hope everything works out, but in the meantime, I want to reflect on what therapy has done for me so far in terms of identity exploration with my first therapist.

Therapy was honestly such a crucial part of my self-discovery and acceptance process, which is why I decided to share the content of this post with you. Therapy was the first time I really vocalized or wrote down my thoughts about my identity. It started with my sexuality, but as I learned more about myself and was better able to reflect on what I was feeling, I became comfortable enough to share my gender journey with my therapist as well.

Saying all of these thoughts out loud to another human being for the first time in therapy was an absolutely critical step in me trying to understand myself better and in me coming to accept myself. My therapist was the first person I told about that part of myself. She would make sure to check in with me pretty much every session to see if I had any new thoughts surrounding my identity. After awhile of her asking every week, sometimes I was just vibing in my queerness and genderqueerness, and sometimes I was grateful for the chance to bring up new thoughts and learn new things about myself still.

Although I know my therapist didn’t have a great understanding of what I was feeling (and although she did say LGTB or LBTG instead of LGBT), if I didn’t have this opportunity in therapy to both work on my general mental struggles and my identity exploration, then I definitely would not have been able to make it to the point I’m at today in terms of understanding and accepting myself, and being comfortable with who I am.

To summarize my thoughts, I absolutely recommend therapy to anyone who feels it could be helpful to them. If you’re struggling but unsure about getting started in therapy, I would suggest you at least give it a try if you are able to. While I’m nowhere near mentally stable, therapy has helped me understand my mind and my identity so much more than before. I have no clue where or who I would be today if I didn’t start going to therapy when I did. Therapy is clearly helpful if you’re dealing with mental illnesses, but it can be just as beneficial if you’re also working to understand yourself better and figure out your identity.

As always, you’re doing the best you can, and that’s all that matters. Look at you go! I’m very proud of you! Make sure you’re taking good care of yourself because you deserve it.

 

With love,
PJ <3

 

Photo Credits:

Image 1, Image 2, Image 3