By Ava Wendelken STATE COLLEGE, Pa. – Per a University Park announcement, in June of 2022, President Eric Barron will hand off the helm of President of the Pennsylvania State University to Der Ubermaschinenprimat V-45,…
By Ben Hommrich STATE COLLEGE, Pa. – After well over a decade of supporting people who are “just kinda going through it right now,” the iOS notes app made Penn State history by being the…
By Ava Wendelken NEW YORK – According to a new survey conducted by Penn State’s department of sociology, over half of all business majors have experienced seeing their fathers turn into the Green Goblin after…
By Joshua Weis SAVANNAH, Ga. – After centuries of debate, a group project at the Savannah State University led to the discovery of how to scientifically summon a genuine ghost. After several minutes of communicating…
By Keith Meenan CHICAGO – In the latest rebrand, McDonald’s will be retiring long-standing mascot, Ronald McDonald, in favor of a new original creation: Tommy Shrub, the mime with an undiagnosed chemical dependency. Ronald McDonald,…
