“My Emotional Memory, It happened In A Flash.”

I think back to certain times in my life and it is sometimes difficult to recall where I was, what I was wearing or for that matter what I ate that day (shocking because I love food).  There are times I don’t even recall what I was doing. However there is a memory that stands out in my life although not very pleasant, I often wondered why I was able to recall specific details as if it has just happened. After taking this course and learning more about how our memory works, I now have a better understanding.  I often wonder though, our mind is such an amazing “computer” and it can perform so many tasks, why can’t it simply delete certain things we don’t want to remember or recall?  I suppose that is a function that just isn’t possible.

It has been 18years now since my grandfather passed away. I was in my first few months of Paramedic class in college. I was working full time and going to school, much like I am now. There was a great deal of pressure while in school to study and pass exams. If you failed one , you could retest, fail that and your gone. It was that simple. I remember being home and getting a call from my grandmother to meet her at the ER. She said something is wrong with Pop. She wasn’t exactly sure, but she felt he had a stroke. I immediately got in my car and got to the ER as quickly as possible. I met and talked with my grandmother and said I would go back and see what the story is.  As I entered the room and spoke with the ER Dr ( I prefer to leave is name out) I saw my Pop laying there unable to speak clearly, repetitive and limited use of his left side. I knew then the outcome was not going to be good. I became overwhelmed with emotion, but could let my Pop see that. My emotions I now realize are associated with this event that made it is to remember. (Cognitive psych Goldstein p 208. Labar and Phelps proved this in 1998 by using certain words to trigger memory.)  Whether it is a word or event, our emotions are clearly more powerful than we think.  My flashbulb went off and began photographing this event frame by frame with this highly charged shocking event ( Cognitive psychology Goldstein p209.)

I left the room and stepped outside where I could privately have my moment and begin to come to grips with what is happening. My mind was racing. I needed to get myself under control and go back in to talk to my grandmother. I was not so sure she understood the magnitude of this event. I made some calls and got our hospital ambulance to transfer him to our main hospital when he was ready to go and I made sure I rode with him to care for him.  This man was a role model to me. He was tough. He survived WWII. He did some rather amazingly brave things there. He was what I believe every grandson would want in a grandfather. He was a teacher, a friend, a role model. He survived a horrible war and now a stroke has taken this once strong man and weakened him in such a manner he could not care for himself nor communicate. Days had passed while he was hospitalized. The time came for him to move to a nursing home. His health continued to deteriorate and I knew it was only a matter of time before my hero was to leave us. I needed to be brave and strong for him just like he was for his country and family. I helped get him ready to go. I rode with him to his new home. I knew his stay would be brief, thankfully. I am certain he wasn’t happy.  Within a few days of him being there, he passed quietly in his sleep.  A man strong enough to survive war, but strong enough to survive a stroke, how could that be?

I had a test to take the day he passed and I knew there was no way possible I was going to remember anything. The test was all trauma related, one of my favorite subjects, I just couldn’t focus. I kept replaying everything from start to finish in my head. I recalled certain memories about my grandfather and I. I didn’t pass and had to retest. I was granted a few extra days to allow me to get through the funeral. I was on leave from work and school. As the days passed and it came closer to having to lay him to rest in a military fashion, I began to accept what now is. My emotions becoming more controlled and the memories of my childhood with him as vivid as if they were happening before my eyes,  why was this? I now know why and understand.

It is funny how the mind works. It is such a complex organ. It is far more complex than any man made computer. I am not so sure Apple could develop such a computer. I mentioned earlier about there being a delete button, I am not so sure I want a delete button for this flashbulb event. It would erase a time that provides me with some sense of calm, knowing that I was there for a man that was there for me, sporting events, band concerts etc. he never missed. He never saw me graduate college but I know he is looking down and couldn’t be more proud. My emotions that trigger those memories are blessing at times.  Although he s no longer physically with me, he lives in my mind. He lives in that flashbulb moment, frame by frame. He “allows” those emotions to be a way to never forget him. Who would think that this course would be able to answer questions that I have had for years?  Now that I know that a flashbulb moment and an emotional trigger can be so powerful to stimulate one of the most amazing complex organs, our mind.

“Solving What Some Thought Impossible”

We encounter problems everyday of our lives whether they are big or small, well defined or ill defined (Cognitive Psychology Goldstein). We are all faced with solving problems everyday, whether we want to or not. It is simply just a part of life none of us enjoy, or maybe some of us do. I guess it depends on the problem. Part of my job everyday is to solve other people’s rather unpleasant problems. Let’s face it ,if someone has to call the fire department it’s not a good problem. It maybe a well defined problem but never the less not a welcomed issue. I am tired of writing about that topic, so I decided the venture to something more lite hearted. Let’s talk football. I can only hope Coach Franklin sees this blog and calls me (then I woke up).Ha! HA!

I am a football coach in my off time and to be honest it is beyond a doubt very rewarding. I am a youth football coach to be more specific. I am the defensive coordinator for our team and I have experienced the ups and downs of coaching even at this level. So you ask yourself, how does that tie into Cognitive Psychology? The answer is easy. This team when I came on board along with my dear friend and head coach started out as an impossible undertaking, some may have felt this once well defined problem became ill defined. It was a mess. They were the “Bad News Bears” The problem, how do we take these “misfits” who had not won a single game, some for the 5 years they have been in the organization, and make them winners? How do we take a team with zero confidence and build that confidence? Can this ill-defined problem become well defined? Our work was cut out for us and we needed to use our expertise to solve not just a simple problem but also many. The odds nonetheless were stacked against us. I think I would have rather under gone a root canal at that time. But, I was up for the challenge as was the head coach to not let the kids down. That was problem #1 and we solved it by stepping up. We were faced with not having a full roster of the best athletes in the organization; we had what we thought to be a balance of more athletic vs. less athletic. It was going to be an up hill fight. We had to start from scratch. We spent countless hours putting together game plans and evaluations, all types of testing actually to solve the big problem, How to make these kids winners? We planed our practices down to the minute with drills, and character building etc. We even instilled a philosophy of discipline (which is necessary). Our thoughts, a strong body or strong mind, they will have both or one over the other. The season started frustrating of course dropping our first 7 of a 9 game season. It appeared the problem was more of a curse. WE were determined to make this a well-defined problem with an obvious answer, get them to win. We were not giving up after all, It ain’t over until the fat lady sings, right?? What a perfect analogy (Cognitive Psychology Goldstein)? We put our heads together and pressed onward and upward. As if things couldn’t get any worse, we were to face the #3 team in the league at their home field. Yet, another well defined problem for us, not so much for them. They come out and late in the first quarter they score and its 7-0 out of the gate. Second quarter, our team dug down deep and scored to tie it up into the half. Just to point out prior to this game some of these kids had never scored a point, we had over 50 points on the season at this point. So that was an accomplishment alone. We come out after the half and we get the ball. We possess the ball for a large part of the 3^rd quarter and it paid off we scored again, 14-7. Now it becomes a defensive battle. The defense dug and never allowed a first down nor did they allow the other team to cross midfield. WE won that game FINALLY! Their first real win! There were no doubt tears of joy for many and tears of frustration by the losers. That happened 5 years ago. We won our next game and finished 2-7 that year. For some who look at that record they would say a loosing season, not for those kids. They acted like they won the Super bowl. We tackled that multitude of problems that some didn’t want to bother with. WE were faced with obstacles throughout that year to even finish how we did. Coaching is really problem solving if you think about it. Some of those problems were well defined some not so much. WE needed expertise and various ways of testing our theories. It is a constant test and challenge. There are no two games alike and at times no two problems alike. Fast forward from that point we took that team to the state championship two years later. We finished that year 7-2. We lost in the state game and playoff game by a combined 2 points. We solved what was once the “Bad News Bears” , a bag full of problems that nobody could or would solve. Those ill-defined problems now became well defined and the once now mountains to climb and overcome aren’t so big. I looked to the late great Coach Paterno to help guide me through my years as a coach. The one thing that his expertise showed me as a coach, is believe in those kids show them that you care, make them believe that there is no problem too big and to trust in what you are telling them. If all of that happens, there are no problems to big to solve by any means. That is how you build a winner both on and off the field. Problem solving, its what we all do everyday, it is what makes us stand out about the rest. It is one of my favorite things.

Memory, Don’t Fail Me Now!

Memory is something we all have. There are some of us that have a better memory than others. Is that necessarily true? Are some people’s memories that much better than the next guy? Or is it simply our ability to recall, retrieve or even how we encode those memories in our brain? (Chapter 7 Long Term Memory: Encoding and Retrieval, Cognitive Psychology, Goldstein). I tend to think that we all have good memory ability. I think it comes down to how we recall or retrieve that information. It is not only that, but it is the relevance of those memories to what is occurring in our everyday lives. Are those memories of the self? Will those memories affect us in some form or fashion? Are those memories of such importance that when recalled another person’s future can be affected? I am going to share a story with you that will show just that. I can validate that memories of self are more easily recalled/retrieved than others. ( Lesson 8 , Chapter 7 Goldstein). Here is my story that occurred more than 15 years ago. I can remember it as if it were yesterday.

Ah summer, a warm weekend families out enjoying a rather pleasant weekend day. There are cookouts, outdoor activities, boats out on the lake making the best of a great weekend, everyone unwinding from their long weekend at work with friends and family. What could be better? I will tell you what could be better. I could be off and doing the same, but no it’s my weekend to work and I am playing Paramedic for my employer. (a local hospital in PA). Their offer to make me feel like I am not missing out, pay me for the day. Where else would I rather be but riding a Paramedic unit on a nice weekend day on the 3-11 shift? I can think of 1000 other places. My partner and I decide that we are hungry and we want to head out and get some dinner. There are some great local “Mom and Pop” spots around the lake. We drive in that direction and do our best to make the most out of our current obligation and enjoy the day, even though we are at work. So we ride very casually around the lake and are talking about various issues, the radio is quiet (thank God) there is no need for us. It is good not to be needed, especially today. We decide where we are stopping and become rather excited at the thought of the food we are going to order. The place Grotto Pizza, nothing else matters at the moment and we are so excited it’s QUIET that we get a silly thought in our head, we may actually get to sit and eat uninterrupted. Nobody ever said we were smart, we just dream big. We are just about there, maybe about a mile away and you can smell the place from where we are. Then it happens! WE are approaching a local police officer on a traffic stop. He has a sports car (Firebird) pulled over and is order the driver out of the vehicle. Why are we stopped, you may be asking? That is simple. There are “rubber neckers” watching a real life episode of “Cops” unfold right before them. My partner and I both know the officer and in that local area back up isn’t seconds away it’s minutes (long minutes) away. We are all on the same team, so why shouldn’t we stop and make sure he is ok? The orders from the officer to the driver become more stern, loud and his tone is beginning to take on some anger. The officer pulls his baton, and mace. He is order the driver out still. The officer breaks a driver’s side window and now sprays his mace into the vehicle, hoping that this model citizen exits and things become much simpler, again, its good to dream that things will be easy.

Slowly but surely I hear additional help on the way to assist. I even hear a Fish and Game officer responding in his boat to see if he can offer any assistance. We are now committed because traffic is a mess and we now have a patient who has been maced. We notify dispatch to start and incident for us. Dinner is now on the back burner, again. The officer now yanks open the car door and removes this individual from the vehicle and the fight is on. A second officer is there and assisting, while others race to help from miles away. The officers are now wrestling with this man all through a newly mulched flowerbed. Mr. John Q Public stands watches his hard work get destroyed. I race over to help the officers in this fight. While all three of us are rolling around on the ground trying to subdue the subject, I hear what I don’t want to here by the officer, “He is trying to grab my gun!” “He has got my gun!” I am in such a position that I can, shall we say, help him let go of that weapon. By this time there are more police and law enforcement than you can possibly imagine present and we get this fine specimen in cuffs both hand and ankle. He is still trying to fight and act like a fool. I of course treat him as a patient and rule out any possibility that diabetes could be a factor for his behavior; head trauma or behavioral factors could have contributed. There was only one other choice left, drugs. I treat him appropriately according to protocol and notify the hospital I we are coming.

We arrive and put him in a treatment room. Of course the arresting officer is there along with other police agencies involved as well as hospital security to deal with this law-abiding citizen. He is treated placed under arrest and after being medically cleared he is headed to jail. He list of charges is long. Imagine that? He not only is charged with assault of a police officer but he is charged with assaulting EMS personnel, which is a felony in the state of PA. I take time to speak with officers and take my time writing my report. I know I am going to court. It is just a matter of when. Months pass close to a year actually and finally the invitation comes in the mail (the subpoena). Along with that, phone call from the DA asking me to come in so we can talk about the case. My report was all there ready for me to look at again to refresh my memory. (Recall/ Retrieval now plays a roll) I am forming visual images of that day (Goldstein, Chapter 7). I am using retrieval cues (Goldstein Chapter 7). I am using all we have read about and learned in this chapter to help me in this case. The stage us set and we are going to criminal trial. I am testifying as a witness for the state. The trial takes place. I am called to the stand. I testify and I am cross-examined by the defense. He really didn’t have anywhere to go other than to attempt to discredit my report (that failed). At the conclusion of the trial his client was convicted of assault of a police officer (multiple counts) and assault of EMS personnel along with additional other charges. He was sentenced to 10 plus years in prison. I know you will find this shocking; it wasn’t his first run in with the law.

If you are like me, I always wondered how we were able to retrieve or recall certain events better than others on a daily basis. How was I after that almost year past was I able to recollect all that detail? The answers now are so much clearer. Was it how I encoded those memories? Was it easier because those events revolved around me and their level of importance? I know for sure now it was fortunately for me and all parties involved my long-term memory served me just fine that day. Unfortunately for that stellar individual, who placed us all in harms way that day, his memory wasn’t working as well. I guess maybe he suffered from some “retrograde amnesia. “ Clearly, he didn’t have any. It was all part of the act/ defense. I guess he should have studies some cognitive psychology prior to stepping foot in that courtroom. For me my long-term memory still recalls that day vividly. For him I am certain his short-term memory took hold of those memories and disposed of them as quickly as possible.

The mind is a very complex organ, one that sets us apart from other species. We
Have spent centuries attempting to better understand this organ. We strive to learn how it works, how it processes all the information it is exposed to on a daily basis. How it works in terms of allowing us to process different stimuli daily. We learn more about the mind while it is in a controlled environment, such as a lab. We even go as far to study this complex organ in a natural type setting. That could be our home, school or place of employment. Depending upon your career choice, there are some of us that get to see how the mind works under stress everyday and process information under those conditions. Those are the times when seconds count. That split second decision could make the difference whether a person lives or dies. Does the mind’s function become less “accurate” when stress applied? Does in perceive and process information the same as it would when there is no stress? How often does the mind under those conditions process that information in such a manner that we use our good judgment? Does our perception processing ability change? That is a question that maybe argued at length. I can tell you first hand, I deal with this type of processing daily. I deal with that aspect we call perception. Do things really appear differently to some because of their perception? I tend to think it might. Let me share with you my thoughts on this. I feel perception in my everyday life is paramount in making calls that matter.
By profession I am a Firefighter/Paramedic with the Baltimore City Fire Department. I have been so for the past 10years of my professional career. However my experience in the fire service extends beyond 10years. I have 26years total in this line of work. As you can imagine, there isn’t much I haven’t seen. I need to rely on my perception each and every day, as do the guys on my crew. Perception becomes paramount each and everyday in order for us all to go home to our families and the end of our shift. As some of you maybe asking yourselves, How does perception play a roll in something that TV depicts as straight forward put the “wet stuff on the red stuff” and the problem is solved. Well I can tell you first hand, it isn’t that easy. There is a science to it, believe it or not. In a matter of speaking cognitive psychology has it’s place within this profession. We use our senses each day to help us accomplish the challenges and tasks we are faced with.
March 4, 2013 at approximately 5:30am, 30minutes before the end of my shift the bell sounds and the alert tones come across the speakers. It’s a fire. The dispatcher puts out the address and further advises we have people trapped. My mind engages and goes from half asleep to wide-awake in the blink of an eye. My adrenaline begins pumping and mind begins processing the information that I have just heard. My mind starts running various scenarios of what I am about to see. As we pull out of station the dispatcher now tells us that what we already know to be a bad situation, has now become worse. It has become a nightmare. We now have report of children trapped above the fire floor. My job is on a ladder company and part of my job, the most important part, is search and rescue. My mind now tells me. Its time to earn your pay and do what you are trained to do. As we are approaching the street we can barely see the street with all of the smoke. We see an orange glow from the rear of this three-story row home that sits just up the street from Johns Hopkins Hospital. We see and hear people on the street screaming with panic and fear. AS we are getting off the truck to begin doing our job our minds are being over run with various stimuli. We are being pulled in various directions. People screaming the kids are in there and there is an adult trapped on the third floor in the front bedroom. My perception of what is happening is limited in a matter of speaking. I need to ascend the ladder and make entry into the third floor to attempt to rescue this civilian. My Lieutenant is going to search for the children. As I make entry into the window, the smoke is so thick you can’t see your hand in front of your face. The heat is indescribable. Myself and another fellow firefighter begin our search. During this, we see a large volume of fire approaching us at a rather rapid pace. He advises, we need to get out and do it now. There isn’t much time. Perception now plays a roll of how we are visualizing this mass of fire. How close is it really? How long do we have? We continue to work together in making an effort to find the trapped civilian, who unfortunately perished prior to us ever getting to him. It is unfortunate but part of the job that is reality. As my partner is yelling down to the chief to move the ladder over closer to the window for us to bail out, I am watching his back letting him know as the fire approaches and is now in the room with us. It has fanned out across the ceiling and is looking for more fuel; soon it will consume all contents in that room in one quick second, a flash over. Should that occur, the outcome is usually not favorable to sustain life. I am advising my partner to have them hurry we only have seconds. My perception and all the other things my mind is processing is to say the least, overwhelming. I am telling myself stay calm and think. If I can mange to do that and process all the stimuli then I will live to tell this story. The heat now is at least 1000 degrees, give or take. I send my partner out first and I wait my turn. As I am waiting my turn what I feared happened. The room “rolled over” ( not quite a flash over but a warning sign that’s next). I am forced all the way to the floor on my stomach to avoid serious injury. My perception of things here is still all a mess. My mind allowed me to stay calm, almost as if a voice said stay calm and think. I then stood up and the entire room was all fire. I grabbed the ladder to get out and the room at that point flashed over. I was lit on fire from head to toe and felt myself burning. My mind all throughout allowed me to stay calm. I was doused with water quickly and was extinguished. However, my protective gear was destroyed, my helmet included, and the only injuries I sustained were first and second degree burns to my left ear and neck.
I obviously survived this horrific event. I was sent to the burn center for treatment and was out of work for a month. The mind (my mind in this case) managed to deal with all this information being thrown at it with no rhyme or reason. It processed everything. It used it’s ability to recall information. It used it’s ability to perceive things in such a manner that allowed me to survive something some may not have. It allowed me to reason through the toughest of situations. The mind is so complex, but it is key to who we are and what separates us from other species. It has proven in this “experiment” that no matter how tough the conditions the mind never ceases to amaze us in it’s ability to perform and keep us alive each day. That may even be a theory. I can say that because I am here today to share this story.