So today’s secret I am going to reveal may not really be a secret. It’s actually something I’m pretty open about, but I don’t think many people really know and those who do find it strange… So I thought I might as well take the time to shed some light on this one belief I have.
I don’t believe in relationships.
Well, let me clarify. I don’t believe in relationships at this point of time in my life. I guess it’s hard to explain, because I believe in love, and I believe in people being together. I believe in marriage and I believe in starting a family. But right now in my life, I do not believe in relationships.
To start off, love is stupid. And relationships lead to love. Love takes up so much time and effort. It’s a distraction. It keeps you from concentrating on your work and your goals in life. It makes you put someone else’s hopes, dreams, and desires before your own. When you fall in love, you no longer have a personal voice or personal thought. Everything becomes joint. ‘Our plans’ and ‘our future.’ ‘We think this’ and ‘we are going to do that.”
I’m not ready for we! I can barely think for myself, let alone think for two people!
Second thing about relationships: commitment. No, I don’t have commitment issues. I have a fear of having commitment issues. There’s a difference. The worst thing in life, and I mean absolutely awful, is making a girl cry. It is horrible. It makes you feel like you are the most insensitive and cruel person in the world. I don’t want that to happen. I don’t want to have to know that something I did made a girl cry. I don’t like to be wrong or do wrong in the first place, and having to know that my wrong-doing made someone else suffer would be devastating.
Third: relationships end badly. Unless you are planning on marrying the person, then I am sorry to inform you that you are going to break up eventually. And there is NO such thing as a clean break-up. I have never heard anyone say “Oh yea we broke up, but we’re best friends now.” It doesn’t work that way. Someone’s feelings end up hurt and they have an eternal vendetta against their ex for the rest of their life. I don’t want that. I recognize that it is my freshmen year of college and I am more than likely to break up with the girl eventually. So to save myself from this problem, I just avoid relationships altogether.
I’m sorry if you disagree with what I think, and if you’re in a serious relationship right now where it’s all love, smile, and giggles, then congratulations. Honestly. I am glad you were able to find someone you love. But if you’re like me and are going to be single on Valentines Day, don’t sit around and mope about it! Be happy that you have the opportunity to (quite frankly) do whatever the heck you want with whomever the heck you want. And be happy that you are going to be saving money! You don’t have to waste your money on all the teddy bears and flowers and chocolate! Enjoy a day for your self. Live life. Achieve your dreams while flying solo. Relationships can wait, I promise.
I am so glad you posted this actually because I feel the same way. I am at a point in my life where I don’t want a relationship because I don’t have the time to make that sort of commitment. And if I do, I feel like I’ll just let them down for having so many other things going on in my life. While I say this now, who knows, I could meet someone that I do want to make a commitment to and I will want to put in the effort for it. But for now, I’m not going to go out looking for a relationship if that makes sense. Just let whatever happens, happen. Great post! And I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Interesting perspective. Your blog really drew me in. I understand how you feel, but I want to shed a bit of light on relationships. So you’re talking about romantic relationships obviously, not the friendship relationships. I believe in relationships. I think it’s a natural part of human life. They can be tough and heart-breaking, but that’s the beauty of them. I feel like the guys I really like are the ones who I never really thought i would like in the first place, but i grew to like them for who they are, their passions, and their insecurities. I think romantic relationships come spontaneously. You may find similarities with them. And being in love with someone isn’t a one way relationship. You do benefit from being in a relationship. You learn so much more about yourself through another person. And if you break up, well at least you grow as a person.
Alex,
Perhaps I’m just feeling a little bit bitter about being single on Valentine’s day, but I’ve come to agree with your rendition of love (at least for the time being.)
I will say that familial love, and love between friends, is a beautiful thing that brings joy to all (no sarcasm.) However, romantic love is something much more toxic: the anesthetic applied by Nature to extract babies. As one of my favorite book characters says, “Love’s pure free joy when it works, but when it goes bad you pay for the good hours at loan-shark prices.” Even if I am not entirely convinced that true love exists, I can’t deny that love is a powerful force: for good or for bad.
~Alayna
You’re posts always make me laugh, and I can hear your voice right through the computer screen!
I’ve heard arguments similar to yours before, but I don’t necessarily agree. If you don’t try out more “serious” relationships now, you won’t gain the experience of living alongside someone that you really care about, which could be detrimental when marriage comes along. In addition, you can learn a lot about yourself from relationships. But, I do see your points about how it can lead to distraction from your own goals. Its important to find a balance, and hopefully the person you’re with will help you achieve your goals more than distract you from them.
Just some thoughts. Enjoy your Valentine’s Day weekend!!